A reasonably good idea presented in a way that does not track well. There are a couple of places where the story does not track, as the time line jumps or it just needs a transitional line.
A rewrite would make me increase my vote on this piece. Go to Comment
I like the history you wrote, but the item itself seems somewhat generic and also powerful. The cause and effect of the history also seems unusual to me. Why ten stones? He got mad at this students so he decided to rip the pure hearts of mountains out? It's a very good story, but a few things are not clear to me. Go to Comment
Can you do something like capturing one's soul to someone you really love? Nay... Klei wanted to possess her, own a precious piece, in my opinion... ad his true self shines through when others see him as cold and vicious. Or has he become so out of self-loathing seeing what he has done to his beloved out of cowardice?
Certainly one explanation for an 'emotionless' assassin - while her body is just a husk, within a beautiful crystal sphere, her soul screams in terror... Go to Comment
Interesting, however a bit more explaination into the nature of the crystal would be be nice. Can it be undone of the owner wills it? How many souls can the crystal hold? More importantly is the crystal indestructible? If it is destroyed does the soul (or souls as the case may be) return to it's original bodies or go on to the spirit planes?
(Perhaps just detailing the crystal as a separate sub would be better)
This does offer some nice adventure hooks though, especially if another thief manages to steal the guild masters greatest treasure and then accidentally break it... Go to Comment
I love the idea of it and would love to see/read a fuller description of the religion, stranger, magic item and how he survived out on his own.
Only main issue is that the father would never wait till the kid was 10 years old. He would start at like 7 months old or younger. As soon as the kid could crawl and grab stuff, it would be in nature learning with the father's encouragement. Go to Comment
This has promise but I feel it needs more. I also realize this was posted back in 2003 but I followed this by a random link and while it is interesting and somewhat entertaining I feel it needs more to be spectacular. Go to Comment
I like this post a fair amount (I think it's better than the 3 it had when I got here). Can you tell us more about Shartel or the fallen rangers? Why was Ferian seduced by this religion? Is Ferian an assasin now? (he worships the god or murder) When did he get the tatoo, why, what does it mean? (or did he just think it looked cool ;-p)
twice you end a sentence with "or anything" which I dislike, and when discussing his hair you made an error in the sentence so it doesnt make sense. Go to Comment
I had though up a similar item with the idea of using willpower to power it. However this weapon had several different features. Good job. I'd give you a 5 but I cant vote or comment on my account for some reason.
this is Necromancer Go to Comment
I like this item. A strong background to make it real for the players, they could even hear bards telling tales of Rhian on late nights at an inn. I really like the well thought out and not over powerful effect for the sword. Definatly useful and helpful without being so powerful the player can never need to adventure with this character again. Excellent work.
Only a couple knit-picky things to say about this. Firstly, this isn't a game system specific site, even though many of us are familiar with D&D. I would really enjoy this item more if you could give a general kind of effect, then explain it in the system the item was designed for, so like "The sword is faster and more agile, responding to the wielder's actions faster than an ordinary sword - The sword's speed factor will decrease by one with every two levels the wielder gains to the minimum of 4."
The even smaller knit picky thing is: I assume the bonding doesn't work through a scabbard, otherwise, how coudl the mages have buried it with Rhian? Go to Comment
I give this two thumbs and one tail up. It is everything I hope for in a post 1)An interesting effect, 2) backhistory, 3)intergation into the game world, and 4) well written. Thank you for gifting us with this item.
Question: Are you a Mercedes Lackey fan or Ars Magica player? This item has echo with both worlds. Go to Comment
Yeah, well I quess then that I should concentrate more on the general describing. Thanks for the tip. This item is propably the best I have ever thought of and I'm pretty proud of it.
And for the bonding part: The mages created it, but it is possible that they didn't think every possibility through. The sword could have a mind of it's own, and it could break the bond after the wielder is dead. The mages may have not known this and buried the sword with it.
And for MoonHunter: I have never played those. I have heard of Ars magica, but they are unfamiliar to me. Go to Comment
The idea is solid, and the story of Rhian is not bad, though his name is repeated too many times. I like the basic premise of the idea, though the powers are too game specific. They won't work very well in a setting that doesnt use weapon speed or other factors. Go to Comment