I think this is what many GM's need sometimes. A solid write up for a dungeon. One question though, isn't this more of a dungeone submission rather than a plot submission? Go to Comment
First, I love the atmosphere of the temple. I get a very Half-Lifey kind of feel from it for some reason, and you've got some good descriptions in there.
While I understand you wanted to keep it somewhat vague for customization, the vagueness makes the whole sub feel sort of blank, like you started to create a beautiful painting but only sketched an outline. What really gives some of the great subs in Strolen's their "oompf" is the detail: whos, whys, wherefors, hows. So it's seems to be a temple that acted a place of worship and had some necromancy underground. Who was their god? Why the reanimation rooms? Why the traps for the penitents? We love hearing stories here, tell us yours.
Also, there's some detail that's lacking. For example, the artifact chamber:
"Here, anything of value was stored by the temple. Inside there is not much left, except a strange idol. The idol radiates evil.
Guarding this chamber is a Wight, tasked with destroying all who enter who do not speak a command word."
So the party goes into this chamber. What's it look like? How big is it? Then there's nothing left but an idol. What sort of idol? Is it gemmed, gilded, stone, wooden? How can I tell it's emanating evil? Then a wight shows up, apparently. What's the spoken word that it's listening for? What significance does the word have? These are details that really make or break a sub.
Overall, I really like the idea of the abandoned temple. But giving a skeleton of a temple dungeon just isn't quite what we're (or at least I'm) looking for. Detail-rich subs are best, IMHO.
I'll hold off voting for now in case you want to tweak it. I think it's really the start of a great sub. Go to Comment
I recently just used the dungeon and I am for sure going to expand on it. I will write some more information when I get it up. I have a full description of every room in the library, and a more descriptive idol chamber. Go to Comment
I like this as a solid base for expansion, but I could see using it as it is also. Pretty good sub, I would vote, but I am out of them for now. Will come back to this though. Go to Comment
Well, demons are not my cup of tea, but at least is this one in an unusual venue. Those who like this breed will find it a good writeup, so kudos for that. Go to Comment
I like it, reminds me of something I can't quite remember... maybe a Goosebumps book I read in the days of old. Carnival of Terror? Horror? Evil? I can't remember, but this is a good write-up. Keep 'em coming and don't get discouraged. Go to Comment
Not bad but the multi-person affecting nature of Mind wipe plus its essentially permenant effect is somewhat overpowered. I have a hard time with effects which are described as irreversable. Difficult to remove, yes, but liftable only on the death of the demon?
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Well, Dozus really said it. It is a solid base for the generic dungeon, but something more would be really nice. Go to Comment