First, I love the atmosphere of the temple. I get a very Half-Lifey kind of feel from it for some reason, and you've got some good descriptions in there.
While I understand you wanted to keep it somewhat vague for customization, the vagueness makes the whole sub feel sort of blank, like you started to create a beautiful painting but only sketched an outline. What really gives some of the great subs in Strolen's their "oompf" is the detail: whos, whys, wherefors, hows. So it's seems to be a temple that acted a place of worship and had some necromancy underground. Who was their god? Why the reanimation rooms? Why the traps for the penitents? We love hearing stories here, tell us yours.
Also, there's some detail that's lacking. For example, the artifact chamber:
"Here, anything of value was stored by the temple. Inside there is not much left, except a strange idol. The idol radiates evil.
Guarding this chamber is a Wight, tasked with destroying all who enter who do not speak a command word."
So the party goes into this chamber. What's it look like? How big is it? Then there's nothing left but an idol. What sort of idol? Is it gemmed, gilded, stone, wooden? How can I tell it's emanating evil? Then a wight shows up, apparently. What's the spoken word that it's listening for? What significance does the word have? These are details that really make or break a sub.
Overall, I really like the idea of the abandoned temple. But giving a skeleton of a temple dungeon just isn't quite what we're (or at least I'm) looking for. Detail-rich subs are best, IMHO.
I'll hold off voting for now in case you want to tweak it. I think it's really the start of a great sub. Go to Comment
I recently just used the dungeon and I am for sure going to expand on it. I will write some more information when I get it up. I have a full description of every room in the library, and a more descriptive idol chamber. Go to Comment
I like it, reminds me of something I can't quite remember... maybe a Goosebumps book I read in the days of old. Carnival of Terror? Horror? Evil? I can't remember, but this is a good write-up. Keep 'em coming and don't get discouraged. Go to Comment
Not bad but the multi-person affecting nature of Mind wipe plus its essentially permenant effect is somewhat overpowered. I have a hard time with effects which are described as irreversable. Difficult to remove, yes, but liftable only on the death of the demon?
The ruling family depends on some magical artifact or place to secure their right to rule. A monarch isn't considered legitimate until he or she has been "accepted" by the artifact or place, whatever that might entail. It is also possible that some one else, not of the ruling family, could be accepted as the legitimate heir... A fact which the monarchs would like to keep secret.