Well, the background is long, jaw-crackingly boring, fairly cliche...
I assume that this is a somewhat Medieval setting (It is implied in the backstory), and yet it says that this character carries "kitana swords" (should be katana, by the way) and has psychic powers. Maybe it is just me, but katanas and psychic powers seem like incongruous details in such a setting. I didn't take off points for that, because it is only my personal opinion, though.
It is too long and Capn makes the main points above. I think that the summary is waaaay to long. I doubt there will be any changes made to this sub since it was submitted 4 years ago, and Skylark hasnt returned to the citadel in 3 years. Go to Comment
I agree, the biggest thing lacking is the why. There are infinite reasons why it could be happening but with this you have to tell us your angle on it. This would probably be a great thread for the Flesh it Out forum where you would probably get some pretty different ideas on why. Go to Comment
This could have potential but at the moment I think it's fairly dire. You need to flesh out a lot of things: firstly, what is there about Serenity Cove which makes it different from any other coastal town? In short, why do we care about it. Secondly, you need to tell us about this wickedness and what is causing: make it real, make it interesting. Admittedly, the players might not need to know any more than you've written, but we do.
Also, there are a few things that don't mesh. Firstly, if there is a thriving port, 570 people seems quite small (my village is 4 times that size (admittedly a different era). Especially if a lot of them are also farmers, artisans and miners. Also, 570 people is a bit small for large scale crime waves: if 20-30 people are killed (which seems to be the minimum the way I read it), that is 5% of the population!
The tone is a bit irregular, the first paragraph shifting from academic to informal, then entirely colloquial in the second paragraph. I like the colloquial bit, actually, but I wonder if it would be better served set off as a quote. That could just be my personal tastes, though.
A lot more could be said to illustrate the prosperity the town once had. I'm fine with the mystery of its sudden downturn, but it would be nice to have more explained on either side of the decline just to demonstrate it more. Go to Comment