It could really need at least a few examples of what happens, and of what magnitude the catastrophe will be (something bad for the wearer, or for the entire world?), and when do the spirits activate.
And I find that bit about the lazy wizard and evil spirits a bit unclear. Did he choose specifically evil spirits to "make them useful"? Or were they not evil at all, but are now quite deranged?
What if they only sing their own song, a desperate tune of souls trapped, that could drive mortals crazy if listened to for too long? This should not be simply another power the wearer can switch on and plug his ears. Maybe, another song could make them asleep again, for a while. Just get it off in time... Go to Comment
I think he ment Catastrophic to the wearer not to the surrounding area.
This is a very sup par submission in my opinion. I gave it a 1.0 because it had some thought behind it, although it is very drab and does not flow. There is a partial backstory and purpose for the item. I also gave it a .5 for the attempt at making it a duality type item. It has benefits yet also has a side effect. I would have given more if it was fleshed out more and didn't read like it does. I had to read it three times to make sure I understood what it was saying. It's difficult to follow for me.
All in al la decent start, but it could be WAY better. Go to Comment
If you wanted to add a twist, you could have the nymphs want the spirit dead for different reasons. Perhaps the nymphs are actually some kind of succubi or shapeshifter and the spirit guards against their being released into the rest of the world. That way, the portal might lead to a prison plane or plane of evil (e.g. Carceri or Baator for you D&D folks out there) and is just a handy way of getting rid of the heros so the "nymphs" can escape into the world unhindered. Also, that makes the girl Echo a plant for the "nymphs". Maybe she's some kind of sorceress who cast that dream on the heros. She "happens" to overhear them talking about it and "happens" to find a chapter about the place they saw in a book somewhere.
I think the adventure is fine as is, but it's not so much my style. So for those of us who prefer a few more twists, there's one idea. Otherwise, it's better than some of the stuff I've seen here, so keep it up, Skyblue. Go to Comment