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klauston's comment on 2009-04-18 06:00 PM
I'm a huge SF fan and this story has the beginning to be a great one. Looking forward to seeing more. Go to Comment
Silver Oak
Locations  (City)   (Any)
Strolen's comment on 2008-04-28 07:43 PM
Wow. Nice first sub!

Ready made town in a box, just add PCs.

Each location had the nice flavoring of details to not oversaturate but give what is needed to run with. The mention of Serpent's Teeth Mt. had me thinking of a link to a deeper description, but the sub definitely holds it own as pretty complete.

Silver Oak Tree could definitely be a sub of its own, I like that one a lot and it was a good lead for the town and its name. Go to Comment
Silver Oak
Locations  (City)   (Any)
Strolen's comment on 2008-05-04 07:45 AM
Wow, great update. I really liked the descriptions of the seasons. Sunsets, rain, the chill added a ton of useability to the post, not just for Silver Oak but things that people can snag for any town.

Forced me to update my vote! Go to Comment
Silver Oak
Locations  (City)   (Any)
manfred's comment on 2008-05-04 01:56 PM
Oh goodness. I was putting off reading this due to its length, and in the mean time it's become even longer! Worse is, after all the changes I could still suggest some more (capitalization off in some places, more fine-tuning of the formatting, etc), and ways to make it even longer. :)

Let me just say that it is solid submission ready to take into a game. Great work!


Okay, one thing maybe: for all the good things, how about something 'bad'? No need to insert random evil, just something that makes lives of the locals more difficult. There are hints already planted - the Serpents Teeth mountains seem to pose some danger, and some of the adventurers will surely not be that friendly.

If a place is too idyllic, it tends to make us suspicious. ;) Go to Comment
Silver Oak
Locations  (City)   (Any)
MoonHunter's comment on 2008-04-29 01:19 AM
Nicely done first submission. Thank you.

The description is good, implying details and explaing just enough.
There are nice pieces of chrome in all the places of note.
There is good use of format and divisions. Headers were extra useful.

I would like to see more submissions, the Tree, a few NPCs, linked to this location. Check out our taverns The Tired Traveler's Tavern Guide and our tavern extras Those Characters in Inns and Taverns, and other locations. Linking things is always good, as it use easier. Learning all the available linking takes time. So now worries about anything at this point.

I am looking forward to reading your next few submissions.

Now, to paraphrase the Dread Pirate Robert. Good Job. Nicely done. Bask in the glory today. Tommorow you can post something new. You write well enough that can we treat you like a native Strolenite. (This is both a compliment and a burden.) So.

I would of liked to know what the environment is like. That is one area that is too implied. There are lots of different kinds of forest out there. This is a quibble for me, not required.

The piece does leaves me with some questions however:
1) How traveled is the road to/ from/ along this place? There can't be that many adventurers going into the mountain. And if they are, are they really dropping enough coin to support the town?

So we should find out a bit more about travel to and from the town. Is it easy? Is it hard? Is this the end of the road? Inquiring minds need to know.

2) Snowflake Inn expresses that there are traders moving in and out of the area (the special goods he can get). Are these lone traders making a special trip or merchants stopping on their way elsewhere?

3) Blacksmith and leatherworkers get their raw goods from? Just need to know if it is comming in from traders, there is a local mine/ ranch, or the adventurers are bringing it back. This dictates the prices and quantity of stock.

4) ... is a small community of only a scant couple hundred , especially a scant couple of hundred. That is awkward phrasing. Clarify this please. Small in reference to a town, city, other communities in the area?

I think these questions answered would take this well towards a 5, especially for a first sub.

PS: Say, you wouldn't happen to have any talented writing friends that you would want to bring here? Go to Comment
Silver Oak
Locations  (City)   (Any)
Siren no Orakio's comment on 2008-04-29 06:35 PM
First sub or not, this is rather well written indeed.

I would like a better handle on the general 'mood' of the community as a whole, but otherwise, thumbs up. Go to Comment
Silver Oak
Locations  (City)   (Any)
kalabar's comment on 2008-05-14 09:59 PM
Awesome! You have to tell me when you plan on using this in a Game. I'll love to join Go to Comment
Silver Oak
Locations  (City)   (Any)
Scrasamax's comment on 2008-05-01 11:36 PM
Yeah, what they said. Go to Comment
Silver Oak
Locations  (City)   (Any)
Cheka Man's comment on 2008-04-29 01:19 PM
Very good, much better then my first submission. How important a holy place is the Silver Oak? What has stopped some cash-strapped monarch sending soldiers to cut it down? Go to Comment
Silver Oak
Locations  (City)   (Any)
Michael Jotne Slayer's comment on 2008-05-19 09:04 PM
Well, all the good comments are taken, but I lean towards Muro when he says this reminds him of his first sub. They are both similiar in that it's not an action or danger packed enviroment. And it's something about the mood and style of the piece. Anyway, this is a good one- And it's raised the bar for first timers:)

Glad to have you onboard Silve. Go to Comment
Silver Oak
Locations  (City)   (Any)
Michael Jotne Slayer's comment on 2011-02-24 03:44 PM


BUMP and HoH. If you enjoy this piece, go see Qacha's Neck as well.


Go to Comment
Silver Oak
Locations  (City)   (Any)
Mourngrymn's comment on 2011-07-20 12:03 AM


By shear volume and size this is fantastic and can easily be printed out and thrown into my towns/ villages folder for use on a random day.



1) Is there a town watch? Militia? Gaurds of some sort? I see where they are mentioned but a short detail would be nice.



2) This was stated prevously about the "bad". What bad has happened here? A riot perhaps in the Cracked Mug Tavern?



3) A few important or personal nps's would be nice, other than just the owner of this store, etc. A short description of a few of them that any players may come into contact with would be nice.



4) Also a few plot hooks would be well worth the effort.



Just a few basic ideas. I realize this is an older sub, and for a first sub this was grand indeed. Wish I would have caught it back when it was first put up.


Go to Comment
Silver Oak
Locations  (City)   (Any)
Murometz's comment on 2008-05-15 07:31 PM
Let me add to the accolades. Great work! Reminds me of my first sub :)

Most other pertinent comments have been made already.

Great to have you on board, Sil! Go to Comment
Silver Oak
Locations  (City)   (Any)
Drackler's comment on 2008-04-29 08:23 PM
Exretemely well written and fleshed out. Welcome to the Citadel, Silveressa. Go to Comment
Silver Oak
Locations  (City)   (Any)
axlerowes's comment on 2012-11-10 08:27 PM
This has a very classic D&D type feel to it. As a resource it is well put together and well organized. Go to Comment
Silver Oak
Locations  (City)   (Any)
valadaar's comment on 2008-04-28 07:36 PM
For a first sub, this is very, very good. There is a lot of creativity packed in here!

I do find that some of the sentences are to me, overlong. I've been reading a book, 100 things a Writer should know, and one of the comments there - which is also popular with another Strolenite Moonhunter - is to read sentences aloud to yourself while editing. Those which seem too long will stand out to you.

Other that then, this is an excellent first effort - and the sentence length could just be me :) Go to Comment
Silver Oak
Locations  (City)   (Any)
Stephie's comment on 2008-05-11 07:23 PM
I think this is a fabulous submission! You put a lot of detail into this submission. Great job! Go to Comment
Silver Oak
Locations  (City)   (Any)
Silveressa's comment on 2008-04-28 08:21 PM
I plan on submitting a lay out of the Serpents Teeth mountains separately sometime in the near future, and thanks for the suggestion on fleshing out the tree a bit more and tossing it in as a separate submission , I just might do so ;) Go to Comment
Silver Oak
Locations  (City)   (Any)
Silveressa's comment on 2008-04-28 08:31 PM
Updated: Changed sentence structure to be more concise and reworded a few things to remove run on sentences. Go to Comment
Silver Oak
Locations  (City)   (Any)
Silveressa's comment on 2008-05-03 11:53 PM
Updated: Major Update with a listing of the months and seasons and how the communities lifestyles changes during each one. Go to Comment
Total Comments:
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