Strolen\s Citadel content. 
Rage protector of the streets
NPCs  (Minor)   (Combative)
Maggot's comment on 2008-05-04 04:18 AM
You said that she is an assassin. Does this mean that she accepts contracts from the wealthy to kill their foes? If not, I think vigilante might be a more accurate term to describe her. Just my two cents. Go to Comment
Rage protector of the streets
NPCs  (Minor)   (Combative)
Scrasamax's comment on 2008-05-01 10:45 PM
Rage, while certainly well written, as Val pointed out, has one thing that really rather bothers me. She is a rather one dimension assassin, raised with daggers in her hands and an absolute lack of value for life. Go to Comment
Rage protector of the streets
NPCs  (Minor)   (Combative)
Cheka Man's comment on 2008-04-29 04:56 PM
Nice, a protector of the weak. Go to Comment
Rage protector of the streets
NPCs  (Minor)   (Combative)
valadaar's comment on 2008-04-29 07:11 PM
Well written! Few here present subs in first person, and this does it well. I do want to know more.

I'd be interested to here more about her mother. Being able to train such an able assassin speaks of an interesting origin herself.

Structurally, there are still a few run-on sentances. For example, the fourth paragraph of the roleplaying notes - it should be two sentances. Go to Comment
Rage protector of the streets
NPCs  (Minor)   (Combative)
Silveressa's comment on 2008-05-04 01:18 PM
More she'll accept contracts from the poor to remove people who are taking advantage of them or causing them harm.

As far as respecting life, she respects the lives of the poor and downtrodden, just not those who seek to abuse the poor and downtrodden, or those so much better off that do nothing to help the poor. Go to Comment
Rage protector of the streets
NPCs  (Minor)   (Combative)
Silveressa's comment on 2008-04-28 10:41 PM
Updated: Added additional idea. Go to Comment
Rage protector of the streets
NPCs  (Minor)   (Combative)
Silveressa's comment on 2008-04-29 09:35 PM
Updated: Edited sentence structure for clarity. Go to Comment
Battlefield Promotions: Scars of War
Articles  (Fiction)   (Gaming - In General)
MoonHunter's comment on 2008-04-29 12:35 AM
Admin Note: Boss, we need a fiction section. I have told you we needed one. We have yet another piece here and other pieces in the forum. Go to Comment
Battlefield Promotions: Scars of War
Articles  (Fiction)   (Gaming - In General)
Cheka Man's comment on 2008-04-29 04:58 PM
I like it. Go to Comment
Battlefield Promotions: Scars of War
Articles  (Fiction)   (Gaming - In General)
Kassy's comment on 2014-05-08 04:27 AM
5.0/5

Great story, and I second Moonhunter, we really do need a proper fiction section! Go to Comment
Battlefield Promotions: Scars of War
Articles  (Fiction)   (Gaming - In General)
klauston's comment on 2009-04-18 06:00 PM
I'm a huge SF fan and this story has the beginning to be a great one. Looking forward to seeing more. Go to Comment
Silver Oak
Locations  (City)   (Any)
Strolen's comment on 2008-04-28 07:43 PM
Wow. Nice first sub!

Ready made town in a box, just add PCs.

Each location had the nice flavoring of details to not oversaturate but give what is needed to run with. The mention of Serpent's Teeth Mt. had me thinking of a link to a deeper description, but the sub definitely holds it own as pretty complete.

Silver Oak Tree could definitely be a sub of its own, I like that one a lot and it was a good lead for the town and its name. Go to Comment
Silver Oak
Locations  (City)   (Any)
Strolen's comment on 2008-05-04 07:45 AM
Wow, great update. I really liked the descriptions of the seasons. Sunsets, rain, the chill added a ton of useability to the post, not just for Silver Oak but things that people can snag for any town.

Forced me to update my vote! Go to Comment
Silver Oak
Locations  (City)   (Any)
manfred's comment on 2008-05-04 01:56 PM
Oh goodness. I was putting off reading this due to its length, and in the mean time it's become even longer! Worse is, after all the changes I could still suggest some more (capitalization off in some places, more fine-tuning of the formatting, etc), and ways to make it even longer. :)

Let me just say that it is solid submission ready to take into a game. Great work!


Okay, one thing maybe: for all the good things, how about something 'bad'? No need to insert random evil, just something that makes lives of the locals more difficult. There are hints already planted - the Serpents Teeth mountains seem to pose some danger, and some of the adventurers will surely not be that friendly.

If a place is too idyllic, it tends to make us suspicious. ;) Go to Comment
Silver Oak
Locations  (City)   (Any)
MoonHunter's comment on 2008-04-29 01:19 AM
Nicely done first submission. Thank you.

The description is good, implying details and explaing just enough.
There are nice pieces of chrome in all the places of note.
There is good use of format and divisions. Headers were extra useful.

I would like to see more submissions, the Tree, a few NPCs, linked to this location. Check out our taverns The Tired Traveler's Tavern Guide and our tavern extras Those Characters in Inns and Taverns, and other locations. Linking things is always good, as it use easier. Learning all the available linking takes time. So now worries about anything at this point.

I am looking forward to reading your next few submissions.

Now, to paraphrase the Dread Pirate Robert. Good Job. Nicely done. Bask in the glory today. Tommorow you can post something new. You write well enough that can we treat you like a native Strolenite. (This is both a compliment and a burden.) So.

I would of liked to know what the environment is like. That is one area that is too implied. There are lots of different kinds of forest out there. This is a quibble for me, not required.

The piece does leaves me with some questions however:
1) How traveled is the road to/ from/ along this place? There can't be that many adventurers going into the mountain. And if they are, are they really dropping enough coin to support the town?

So we should find out a bit more about travel to and from the town. Is it easy? Is it hard? Is this the end of the road? Inquiring minds need to know.

2) Snowflake Inn expresses that there are traders moving in and out of the area (the special goods he can get). Are these lone traders making a special trip or merchants stopping on their way elsewhere?

3) Blacksmith and leatherworkers get their raw goods from? Just need to know if it is comming in from traders, there is a local mine/ ranch, or the adventurers are bringing it back. This dictates the prices and quantity of stock.

4) ... is a small community of only a scant couple hundred , especially a scant couple of hundred. That is awkward phrasing. Clarify this please. Small in reference to a town, city, other communities in the area?

I think these questions answered would take this well towards a 5, especially for a first sub.

PS: Say, you wouldn't happen to have any talented writing friends that you would want to bring here? Go to Comment
Silver Oak
Locations  (City)   (Any)
Siren no Orakio's comment on 2008-04-29 06:35 PM
First sub or not, this is rather well written indeed.

I would like a better handle on the general 'mood' of the community as a whole, but otherwise, thumbs up. Go to Comment
Silver Oak
Locations  (City)   (Any)
kalabar's comment on 2008-05-14 09:59 PM
Awesome! You have to tell me when you plan on using this in a Game. I'll love to join Go to Comment
Silver Oak
Locations  (City)   (Any)
Scrasamax's comment on 2008-05-01 11:36 PM
Yeah, what they said. Go to Comment
Silver Oak
Locations  (City)   (Any)
Cheka Man's comment on 2008-04-29 01:19 PM
Very good, much better then my first submission. How important a holy place is the Silver Oak? What has stopped some cash-strapped monarch sending soldiers to cut it down? Go to Comment
Silver Oak
Locations  (City)   (Any)
Michael Jotne Slayer's comment on 2008-05-19 09:04 PM
Well, all the good comments are taken, but I lean towards Muro when he says this reminds him of his first sub. They are both similiar in that it's not an action or danger packed enviroment. And it's something about the mood and style of the piece. Anyway, this is a good one- And it's raised the bar for first timers:)

Glad to have you onboard Silve. Go to Comment
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