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Zap Flies
Lifeforms  (Fauna)   (Swamp)
Silveressa's comment on 2008-04-30 11:51 PM
They were designed more for a post apocalypse or space faring campaign actually, hence the runaway lawnmower reference in the description. (I almost added in a bit about shotguns and flamers being the preferred weapon of choice to counter these pests but figured that pigeon holed them a bit too much as far as high tech/low tech versatility)

As for size, that includes the wing span. Go to Comment
Zap Flies
Lifeforms  (Fauna)   (Swamp)
Silveressa's comment on 2008-05-02 03:50 PM
I didn't go into a whole lot of description since they are for general appearances simply an enlarged common creature so a lengthy description would have been redundant.

I'm not sure if you could tame it as a pet since like most insects, as soon as it becomes hungry it immediately goes in search of food. Anyone attempting to tame one would therefore need to keep a readily available supply of food near by. (And once it pupated the food supply would then have to be living for the insect to show any interest.)

Although; I suppose in a post apocalypse setting a sufficiently vile and crazed person could raise one or more of the creatures by feeding it scraps of meat then after pupation allowing to to feed upon a slave, or even their own body when food was scarce. Go to Comment
Dr. Tadani
NPCs  (Minor)   (Mystical)
Siren no Orakio's comment on 2008-04-29 07:11 PM
Maybe he just does it for the same reason people boil puppies and eat kittens.

That said: The essential idea here is good. I like it. However, I feel that it needs a certain level of expansion - What is the fundamental reason he gets bored doing things the 'nice way'? What events caused him to become so psychopathic? What cracked him in the first place? Go to Comment
Dr. Tadani
NPCs  (Minor)   (Mystical)
Scrasamax's comment on 2008-05-01 11:31 PM
Where did his obsession with the dark arts come from? I'm pretty sure that unless he attented Miskatonic University (Go Fighting Cephalopods!) he didnt take Dark Arts 101 in college. I also agree with Siren and Val in their sanity related comments. Go to Comment
Dr. Tadani
NPCs  (Minor)   (Mystical)
Cheka Man's comment on 2008-04-29 04:54 PM
What does this evil doctor want to do with his paitents? Use them as assassins or thieves? Use them to *replace* dead people? Go to Comment
Dr. Tadani
NPCs  (Minor)   (Mystical)
Dozus's comment on 2011-05-03 01:30 PM


Kind of your typical mad doctor, if a little lacking in motivation. I like some of the details though, and it's a well-written sub.


Go to Comment
Dr. Tadani
NPCs  (Minor)   (Mystical)
valadaar's comment on 2008-04-29 07:16 PM
I agree with Siren. I have long since become a little weary of people being evil because they are insane, with no other reason given. Personally, I think it is scarier when people are evil for other reasons - when its not some random biochemical error which creates the monster.

Take a look at Ullhyr T'Lar-Yin. I think you might like this fellow. (Evil laughter here...)

Though I think this fellow is evil too due to madness. Oh well :) Go to Comment
Dr. Tadani
NPCs  (Minor)   (Mystical)
Misanpilgrim's comment on 2008-04-30 03:48 PM
Possible motive alteration: Instead of dark obsession and boredom, maybe the good doctor was frustrated at patients who consistently ignored his advice and stumbled onto his "unconvential approaches" in his desperation. This could add a new layer of condescension, contempt, and Why-Me-style self-pity to his personality -- after all, if his patients would just listen to him and do the sensible thing, he wouldn't need to control them, and it's such a burden on him...

And: "Also remember to smile a lot, since this makes them feel safer..." Except when it creeps them out, which he might not notice. Go to Comment
Dr. Tadani
NPCs  (Minor)   (Mystical)
Silveressa's comment on 2008-04-30 04:30 PM
I like the ideas Misampilgrim, when i get some extra time I'll see about giving the good Dr. a bit of a makeover ;) Go to Comment
Rage protector of the streets
NPCs  (Minor)   (Combative)
Maggot's comment on 2008-05-04 04:18 AM
You said that she is an assassin. Does this mean that she accepts contracts from the wealthy to kill their foes? If not, I think vigilante might be a more accurate term to describe her. Just my two cents. Go to Comment
Rage protector of the streets
NPCs  (Minor)   (Combative)
Scrasamax's comment on 2008-05-01 10:45 PM
Rage, while certainly well written, as Val pointed out, has one thing that really rather bothers me. She is a rather one dimension assassin, raised with daggers in her hands and an absolute lack of value for life. Go to Comment
Rage protector of the streets
NPCs  (Minor)   (Combative)
Cheka Man's comment on 2008-04-29 04:56 PM
Nice, a protector of the weak. Go to Comment
Rage protector of the streets
NPCs  (Minor)   (Combative)
valadaar's comment on 2008-04-29 07:11 PM
Well written! Few here present subs in first person, and this does it well. I do want to know more.

I'd be interested to here more about her mother. Being able to train such an able assassin speaks of an interesting origin herself.

Structurally, there are still a few run-on sentances. For example, the fourth paragraph of the roleplaying notes - it should be two sentances. Go to Comment
Rage protector of the streets
NPCs  (Minor)   (Combative)
Silveressa's comment on 2008-05-04 01:18 PM
More she'll accept contracts from the poor to remove people who are taking advantage of them or causing them harm.

As far as respecting life, she respects the lives of the poor and downtrodden, just not those who seek to abuse the poor and downtrodden, or those so much better off that do nothing to help the poor. Go to Comment
Rage protector of the streets
NPCs  (Minor)   (Combative)
Silveressa's comment on 2008-04-28 10:41 PM
Updated: Added additional idea. Go to Comment
Rage protector of the streets
NPCs  (Minor)   (Combative)
Silveressa's comment on 2008-04-29 09:35 PM
Updated: Edited sentence structure for clarity. Go to Comment
Battlefield Promotions: Scars of War
Articles  (Fiction)   (Gaming - In General)
MoonHunter's comment on 2008-04-29 12:35 AM
Admin Note: Boss, we need a fiction section. I have told you we needed one. We have yet another piece here and other pieces in the forum. Go to Comment
Battlefield Promotions: Scars of War
Articles  (Fiction)   (Gaming - In General)
Cheka Man's comment on 2008-04-29 04:58 PM
I like it. Go to Comment
Battlefield Promotions: Scars of War
Articles  (Fiction)   (Gaming - In General)
Kassy's comment on 2014-05-08 04:27 AM
5.0/5

Great story, and I second Moonhunter, we really do need a proper fiction section! Go to Comment
Battlefield Promotions: Scars of War
Articles  (Fiction)   (Gaming - In General)
klauston's comment on 2009-04-18 06:00 PM
I'm a huge SF fan and this story has the beginning to be a great one. Looking forward to seeing more. Go to Comment
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