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Bridgeton Asylum
Articles  (Fiction)   (Gaming - In General)
Ria Hawk's comment on 2008-05-17 03:29 AM
Oh, very nice. I like the atmosphere and the visuals, and it makes me wonder what the HELL is going on. Right, so concrit.

A lot of your paragraphs seem to be one long sentence; you might consider breaking them up. It's sort of awkward. Also, you seem to have Lovecraft syndrome: overdescribing/overuse of adjectives slightly. Other than that, nothing that I can add right now. Go to Comment
Bridgeton Asylum
Articles  (Fiction)   (Gaming - In General)
axlerowes's comment on 2012-10-28 09:24 PM
First, I just want to share one little journey I went on with this story. I first thought it was silly that the reporter was carrying a pistol in a shoulder harness and I thought it unreasonable that she was then shocked at Luther's shotgun. Then later when she shot Luther in the leg by accident, I realized that the character having a gun was silly and stupid. The catch was she didn't realize it. I always enjoy it when a story engages me like that. Thanks.

It is was interesting choice to write it as a series of really short paragraphs. That probably helps internet readers and young readers who tend to skim things. Some physical descriptions of Luther and Rachel would have helped me get into the story, but I also understand the choice of keeping the character's somewhat blank so the reader can more easily relate to them.

The only thing that holds me back on this is that you didn't finish it.

Also is it Bridgeton or Bridgewater? Because at one point Rachel mentions Bridgewater and we can't be sure if she is talking about the asylum directly or some larger organization like say the county or city government. Go to Comment
Bridgeton Asylum
Articles  (Fiction)   (Gaming - In General)
valadaar's comment on 2008-05-01 07:05 PM
Not bad - I like it a lot more then your Sci-fie tale. I need to read that one over again befor I give comment.

The wierd characters seem to happen with some 's - for some reason stuff pasted in from Word can sometimes do that.

There are a few technical problems with missing commas and the like, but all in all quite engaging. I hope you reveal more of it! Go to Comment
Bridgeton Asylum
Articles  (Fiction)   (Gaming - In General)
valadaar's comment on 2008-05-02 07:33 PM
I'd paste it into a plain text editor (I use Textpad) and then cut and paste it into the sub - that works for me.
I think it is the 'other' quotes that do it. The ` as opposed to the '. Go to Comment
Bridgeton Asylum
Articles  (Fiction)   (Gaming - In General)
Silveressa's comment on 2008-05-03 10:31 PM
Updated: Fixed the text formatting errors. Go to Comment
Bridgeton Asylum
Articles  (Fiction)   (Gaming - In General)
Silveressa's comment on 2008-04-29 09:14 PM
Updated: Added in a extra half page of content. Go to Comment
Bridgeton Asylum
Articles  (Fiction)   (Gaming - In General)
Silveressa's comment on 2008-05-02 03:29 PM
The thing is I pasted that in from notepad so I;m not sure why it;s doing that. Perhaps because I;'m using firefox instead of internet explorer? Any feedback on how to prevent that in the future would be much appreciated. Go to Comment
Bridgeton Asylum
Articles  (Fiction)   (Gaming - In General)
MysticMoon's comment on 2011-05-16 08:08 AM


This is a great opening. Makes me wish there was more.


Go to Comment
Candle Beetles
Lifeforms  (Fauna)   (Underground)
manfred's comment on 2008-05-04 02:57 PM
(Note: I've added the 'Insect' freetext for you.)

And they are okay. Quite a representative specimen for your dungeon needs. :) Go to Comment
Candle Beetles
Lifeforms  (Fauna)   (Underground)
MoonHunter's comment on 2008-05-05 12:22 AM
Candle Beetles
Lifeforms  (Fauna)   (Underground)
MoonHunter's comment on 2008-05-05 12:24 AM
An interesting part of the ecology. These things don't need a magical or odd origin. They could be 100% natural, though odd, in origin.

I could see these things being bred for larger size and being milked of their chemical bounty. Go to Comment
Candle Beetles
Lifeforms  (Fauna)   (Underground)
Siren no Orakio's comment on 2008-04-29 09:36 PM
That's a pretty odd adaptation, but interesting. Maybe not the way I would have done it, but it's definitely a unique challenge for an adventurer. Go to Comment
Candle Beetles
Lifeforms  (Fauna)   (Underground)
Scrasamax's comment on 2008-04-30 07:50 AM
I think the part that I like about it is that the beetles are not carnivorous, starving for the flesh of man, and instead swarm when threatened and will only return to a corpse days after it's demise to nibble of the muck growing on it. Go to Comment
Candle Beetles
Lifeforms  (Fauna)   (Underground)
Cheka Man's comment on 2008-04-30 11:39 AM
Owch. It must be a pain getting rid of a nest of these. Go to Comment
Candle Beetles
Lifeforms  (Fauna)   (Underground)
Michael Jotne Slayer's comment on 2008-05-20 11:37 AM
This one hits home with me. The imagery was vivid for my part, when a sub makes me try to "see" it in my imagination something about it is good.

With this I imagine a damp dark cave, the walls are slimed with fungus and moss. The very air seems to be humming deep within the mountain. And behold, a light appears in the pitch black, and then another... The cave is soon burning with a hundred candles, revealing a cathedral like roof and a floor littered with brittle bones of former adventurers.

What I miss is more somehow, the basic idea is great. But I feel that their mythology could be expanded. Their options are so many. The colour and flavour" vs "the facts / the essentials" has long drifted in the undercurrents of the Citadel. I personally feel that this needs more flavour.

So in closing, this is a good solid idea that could easily be expanded to much more. Go to Comment
Candle Beetles
Lifeforms  (Fauna)   (Underground)
Phaidros's comment on 2014-02-04 02:43 PM
Nice addition to the dungeon environment! Saves on candles and clean up the mess the dungeon denizens leave behind!
Go to Comment
Candle Beetles
Lifeforms  (Fauna)   (Underground)
Dozus's comment on 2012-11-08 12:27 PM
Practical, in terms of gaming. Like the others, I'd like to see them fleshed out a little more, but it's a great idea. Go to Comment
Candle Beetles
Lifeforms  (Fauna)   (Underground)
valadaar's comment on 2008-04-30 07:15 PM
They must be very magical to burn for hours - both to sustain a flame that long and to survive it. Do they have an origin of note? Go to Comment
Candle Beetles
Lifeforms  (Fauna)   (Underground)
Stephie's comment on 2008-06-23 01:21 PM
Interesting creepy crawlie to run into. Go to Comment
Candle Beetles
Lifeforms  (Fauna)   (Underground)
Oakwood's comment on 2008-05-01 07:16 PM
I'm just curious about the part where you say these beetles could be a lifesaver in times of need? Did you mean as a source of light, or something else? Go to Comment
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