Maybe he just does it for the same reason people boil puppies and eat kittens.
That said: The essential idea here is good. I like it. However, I feel that it needs a certain level of expansion - What is the fundamental reason he gets bored doing things the 'nice way'? What events caused him to become so psychopathic? What cracked him in the first place? Go to Comment
Where did his obsession with the dark arts come from? I'm pretty sure that unless he attented Miskatonic University (Go Fighting Cephalopods!) he didnt take Dark Arts 101 in college. I also agree with Siren and Val in their sanity related comments. Go to Comment
I agree with Siren. I have long since become a little weary of people being evil because they are insane, with no other reason given. Personally, I think it is scarier when people are evil for other reasons - when its not some random biochemical error which creates the monster.
Take a look at Ullhyr T'Lar-Yin. I think you might like this fellow. (Evil laughter here...)
Though I think this fellow is evil too due to madness. Oh well :) Go to Comment
Possible motive alteration: Instead of dark obsession and boredom, maybe the good doctor was frustrated at patients who consistently ignored his advice and stumbled onto his "unconvential approaches" in his desperation. This could add a new layer of condescension, contempt, and Why-Me-style self-pity to his personality -- after all, if his patients would just listen to him and do the sensible thing, he wouldn't need to control them, and it's such a burden on him...
And: "Also remember to smile a lot, since this makes them feel safer..." Except when it creeps them out, which he might not notice. Go to Comment
You said that she is an assassin. Does this mean that she accepts contracts from the wealthy to kill their foes? If not, I think vigilante might be a more accurate term to describe her. Just my two cents. Go to Comment
Rage, while certainly well written, as Val pointed out, has one thing that really rather bothers me. She is a rather one dimension assassin, raised with daggers in her hands and an absolute lack of value for life. Go to Comment
More she'll accept contracts from the poor to remove people who are taking advantage of them or causing them harm.
As far as respecting life, she respects the lives of the poor and downtrodden, just not those who seek to abuse the poor and downtrodden, or those so much better off that do nothing to help the poor. Go to Comment
Each location had the nice flavoring of details to not oversaturate but give what is needed to run with. The mention of Serpent's Teeth Mt. had me thinking of a link to a deeper description, but the sub definitely holds it own as pretty complete.
Silver Oak Tree could definitely be a sub of its own, I like that one a lot and it was a good lead for the town and its name. Go to Comment
Oh goodness. I was putting off reading this due to its length, and in the mean time it's become even longer! Worse is, after all the changes I could still suggest some more (capitalization off in some places, more fine-tuning of the formatting, etc), and ways to make it even longer. :)
Let me just say that it is solid submission ready to take into a game. Great work!
Okay, one thing maybe: for all the good things, how about something 'bad'? No need to insert random evil, just something that makes lives of the locals more difficult. There are hints already planted - the Serpents Teeth mountains seem to pose some danger, and some of the adventurers will surely not be that friendly.
If a place is too idyllic, it tends to make us suspicious. ;) Go to Comment