Only voted Go to Comment

Ok, I wanted to love this, i did. A mutant mouse is right up my alley. And I think it is a great NPC for a supers game. Heck, its a great PC even.

This starts off great! My only nitpick would be that aside from the fact that a mutant mouse super is a nice, original, idea, her tale, as it unwound, became a bit cliche and a tad generic. Now, I know that a supers background is a supers background, and it fits the bill, but...

I loved the character as I started reading, yet grew more neutral as her story unfolded. It is the type of background that can fit any super.

Geez, I'm not sure I'm being clear here. What I'm trying to say is, I find Bai-Yu a great character, but the story left something to be desired. Hope that made some sense.

Anyhoo, an interesting and oh so usable NPC. And not just supers. She can be dropped into ANY 'weird' modern game really. Kudos.

+.5 for actually making a supers NPC. Moon will love you. Go to Comment

I have to agree with Muro - to me this feels like a TMNT character and a little generic. You could have said turtle/hamster/whathaveyou and the rest of the background would not need to be altered. How has her life/world view been affected by being an animal? Apart from being the cause of her being cast out, it has little apparent effect. Go to Comment

Updated: Fixed some minor html coding problems. Go to Comment

Okay, now I'm pretty sure Bai Yu actually means white rain in chinese, but other than that, I echo has said. This is a good and versatile character. The only complaint I have is that we don't really know how the transformation happened, but I can probaly phase that over. Probaly with a kind of supernatural plant that fuses the bodies of different people when the same stalk is eaten by more than one living creature- hold that thought, I need to write it down. Go to Comment

Good background. I think it seems to happen a little quick. Seeing stealing clothes, morning in a merchant caravan, that afternoon conflict with mom, later that day total breakdown. Quite a dynamic change from paying for her school to fighting, maiming, sacrificing her without caring. That is one bad day!

The plot thoughts were great and went wonderfully with the well built character. Unless there is a lot of info on the wolf, just a small paragraph on it would be fine. After all, it was with her since a puppy so his progression would go along much with hers background wise.

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Only voted Go to Comment

Mages who are wary of crowds learn Fireball :D

Anyway: the text seems to hurry, its melody stumbling in places.
Calling the Familiar 'Lover' was a great idea, having him just summoned not so much. A better tale could be behind the meeting of the two. Go to Comment

I like her. Go to Comment

We know you do :p Go to Comment

This is a good NPC. As a note, you only really need comment on major changes that might change a vote, otherwise they get distracting :)

Well done! Go to Comment

This is good. This is very good. I like a good antisocial NPC, and this one a couple of good reasons to be antisocial, and her personality (blunt but kind) fits her backstory.

I also like the part about the familiar's name -- the way you've written it, it could be an quirk or an affectation, or it could be the plain truth (and Isis help whoever walks in on them). Solid support for GM flexibility is a good thing.

I've typed "good" and "like" enough times already, so I'll leave it there. Go to Comment

As far as I knew anytime you updated it forced you to make a comment explaining what the update was, thanks for clarifying it. Go to Comment

Update: Added an expanded/improved back-story behind the meeting of her familiar, and several plot hooks to introduce her to a prospective party of adventurers. Go to Comment

Updated: Formatting mangled some punctuation which I replaced. Go to Comment

Updated: Fixed a minor misspelling. Go to Comment

This was my first attempt at turning a pc into an npc. I did my best to keep certain parts of her nature open to interpretation to keep a gm's options open with possibilities.

I'm considering detailing the familiar in more depth as a separate sub, but not sure if it's worth it. Go to Comment

Thanks for the suggestion, I meant to get around to it years ago, the slight enhancement does make for a better background over all and less abrupt. Go to Comment

Aye, like most tragedies, they unravel quickly once events begin to unfold. In this case mostly because her mother used her as a convenient scape goat to avoid a lynching.

Good point about the scholar though, something less "luxurious" would work better in the storyline and be more believable. Go to Comment

Update: In her backstory changed the scholar tutor to a more believable/realistic local temple scribe. Go to Comment