Aye, writing in the stiff old school style was a pain really, once the contest is over I'll probably post a v 2.0, a copy that's been over hauled for more modern gaming and doesn't feel like such a rigid classic. Go to Comment
A good piece with solid content and good breaking up of content using blockquotes to aid readability but I personally feel that the write up could be improved upon. Still, a high quality piece. Go to Comment
Yeah, it sure does have the Old School feel, but not in a good way: typos, bad grammar, jarring modern names (Agent William S Donovan, really?) and dialog that sounds like Nebraska 1895 instead of anything fantastic. If you were GOING for a mediocre sub, and it looks like you might have been, that's another thing, but OSR/Retro shouldn't have to mean clunky. Go to Comment
It's hard to rate subs in this Old School contest. My personal dislike of Old School tells me to rate everything low, but my rational side tells me to reward people who embrace the concepts. Let's see how I did...
Art - Full point - A good idea here, nicely presented.
Craft - Half Point - Needs some editing, but overall well-written & clear. Verbose in places, but that feels in line with my memory of modules from the old school era.
Style - Full Point - I'd ordinarily ding you here, but you're trying to be true to the old school feel. I don't like that feel, but I do appreciate how well you've hit the mark.
Substance - Full Point - Plenty here, even if I don't want to use the entire plot. I could use this is a game easily.
Extra Mile - Full Point - I thought a lot of work went into this, and you've made great efforts to color within the lines for a true old school feel. Excellent work.
While this sub doesn't hit all my buttons, I do think it's hit all the right buttons to make a great old school piece. Nice.
Whilst I don't find it depressing like Longspeak, it does have a much darker note to it. It's interesting to see her transformation from Human into animal, and how that affects her, you really bring that across to the reader.