Strolen\s Citadel content. 
Silveressa's comment on 2014-04-25 12:12 AM
It's more from Evelyn's perspective her animal life is already pretty clearly defined by her Life As series of books so she covers pieces in her biography her readers wouldn't otherwise know, which in this case is her human experiences.

part 10 covers more of her animal experiences, as will future pieces here and there.

I like the idea of a chapter purely from her animal perspective, I'll have to add that in at a future chapter, thanks for the suggestion! Go to Comment
Kassy's comment on 2014-04-24 06:20 AM
4.5/5 + mandatory fav.

Here, again, I like the way the story has progressed. Though I'm sorry for Ellen's breakup with Evie, and even sorrier to see her decline, if that's the right word. Perhaps let go of herself would be a more appropriate description.

On to No. 10 Go to Comment
Autumn's comment on 2014-04-24 06:25 AM
Her tale is one of loss, and ultimately solitude, as the title suggests. This is only the first... 10-15% of the story, lots more plot twists and (a few heart wrenching moments) to come. Go to Comment
Autumn's comment on 2014-04-24 09:53 PM
It's more from Evelyn's perspective her animal life is already pretty clearly defined by her Life As series of books so she covers pieces in her biography her readers wouldn't otherwise know, which in this case is her human experiences.

part 10 covers more of her animal experiences, as will future pieces here and there.

I like the idea of a chapter purely from her animal perspective, I'll have to add that in at a future chapter, thanks for the suggestion! Go to Comment
axlerowes's comment on 2014-04-24 08:24 PM
I read this one a couple of days ago, it kind of reads like a laundry list of events, but it is missing any real meat to it. Go to Comment
Silveressa's comment on 2014-04-25 12:13 AM
Aye, it's mostly just covering background info, useful stuff for establishing character, but not earth shatteringly exciting to read. Go to Comment
Kassy's comment on 2014-04-23 11:41 AM
Ooh, didn't know this started as an RP. Then again, it does explain you both using the same characters for submissions at the same time. Both of which I love :) Go to Comment
Kassy's comment on 2014-04-24 06:05 AM
4.0/5 and fav'd. I think I need to add a folder to my favourites just for these subs.

As with the other's I've enjoyed this one immensely and look forward to reading the rest, and seeing more action *wink* Go to Comment
Longspeak's comment on 2014-04-21 11:45 AM
I haven't voted on others in the series which have stemmed from our RP, but this one contained a lot more of just your ideas. I like some of the detail you created for Evie which we never played out, but exists as background to inform the RP. Nicely done. Go to Comment
Autumn's comment on 2014-04-24 09:49 PM
Aye, it;s mostly just covering background info, useful stuff for establishing character, but not earth shatteringly exciting to read. Go to Comment
axlerowes's comment on 2014-04-16 05:55 PM
Suspension of disbelief regarding the bird getting on to and out the the airplane in such a way as follow chic around a major international airport:

check

Suspension of disbelief regarding a talking song bird (even if its polymorphed bird):

check

Nice story, stuff happens, I was interested.

I would drop the second to last paragraph. The story ends once the woman leaves...and it is better that way. Go to Comment
Silveressa's comment on 2014-04-16 06:02 PM
Aye without suspension of disbelief supers stories deflate rather quickly, although Evie didn't follow her around the air port terminal inside, so much as see which gate she was standing at through the exterior windows then boarded the plane with said tail number in between the loading crews loading of luggage. ;)

AI agree speaking while poly morphed is questionable, but having her shift back into a naked human every time she had to have a conversation, would grow... tiresome and make the stories read like some kind of exhibitionists fantasy

Glad you liked it, more to come in a few days, like usual. Go to Comment
Kassy's comment on 2014-04-19 09:36 AM
5.0/5 + Fav'd

Left hanging on for more right at the end there, particularly interested in this other woman that Sarah is with. Go to Comment
Kassy's comment on 2014-04-19 09:36 AM
Forgot to vote, meh :/ Go to Comment
axlerowes's comment on 2014-04-14 01:17 PM
Minor Note:
"The new quarter began at school and Sarah was deep in study land. Despite her words about me stealing her study buddy, she didn't seem to mind that Ellen got me more now. Almost as if she deliberately invited me over to get to Ellen.."

This is an early conclusion for second date so I assume their relationship is progressing but the chronology is a little tough to follow in the beginning.

Bigger thought:
Ellen and Eve's whole courtship feels like a rush to consummation. And without any conflicts-internal or external-nothing really happens in this section.

What was your goal with this section? Go to Comment
Silveressa's comment on 2014-04-14 06:03 PM


The goal was to cover the the important highlights of the relationship, since Ellens factors into a few future chapters prominently. As for detailing the other dates, it came across as unneeded fluff so was edited from the final piece with only important developments listed. (There were a dozen or so dates at least before the intimate one, but a laundry list of dates felt pointless to include.)



Also aye, the chronology is a bit tough to follow due to the edits for brevity, I'll see about fixing that in the near future.

Go to Comment
Kassy's comment on 2014-04-16 06:40 AM
4.5/5

I love the banter and camaraderie in this piece. They way the characters are bonding is well set out. Go to Comment
Solitude and The Long Road Evelyn's path pt 5
NPCs  (Major)   (Combative)
axlerowes's comment on 2014-04-11 08:29 AM
Did she grab the 'river trout' from the Harlem, East, Bronx or Hudson river? Good trout fishing in those rivers?

I am not sure this post really needed to happen. We don't learn anything about the world or the characters (except no underwear). There is no drama or conflict, the "asking Ellen out" bit could/should have involved more tension or internal dialog, particularly considering all the swings the main character took the night before.

The only thing of interest is that I don't buy Ellen's interest in Evelyn, and am waiting for Evelyn to finally get rejected or have 'a gut check'.
Go to Comment
Solitude and The Long Road Evelyn's path pt 5
NPCs  (Major)   (Combative)
axlerowes's comment on 2014-04-11 09:14 AM
If we were work shopping this story, I would still suggest cutting this scene. Go to Comment
Solitude and The Long Road Evelyn's path pt 5
NPCs  (Major)   (Combative)
Silveressa's comment on 2014-04-11 08:39 AM


Originally this was part of the 4th sub, but I split it up to keep word count down to a shorter level for those with less time to read lengthy subs, and aye, you're right it likely could be cut with minimal impact.



As for Ellen, I figured it will become apparent the complex nature of that relationship in time. ;)

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