-Picking on angry Shaolin monks for "wearing girly dresses and being a bunch of Buddha belly rubbing pansies," in a modern day horror campaign is a great way to spice up an otherwise sedate investigation scene.
-Doing the former is also a great way to educate yourself on the games multiple combat/and first aid rules in the same scene.
-Key scratching a senator/congressman's car may be a inventive/covert way to make a political statement and "sticking it to the man," but is usually best done when they are not currently inside of it.
Giving a prospective employer a link to Goatse as your Mercanary teams website homepage as a practical joke will usually not get you that hazard pay bonus you were haggling for.
Skunks make great familiars for wizards, not so much for those impersonating them.
-Attempting to use rabid porcupines as catapult fodder, nuff said.
-Swallowing 27 condoms full of stolen gold dust (in an attempt to to avoid giving your team mates an equal cut of the profits after your mercenary op in Africa,) will result in severe internal injury and death when the private plane you are flying on encounters a rough patch of turbulence and the 7+ lbs of metal begin bouncing around your abdominal cavity.Go to Comment
Attempting to draw a super villain out in the open by dressing up as them and attempting to commit random acts of kindness and charity usually results in ones arrest.
In above scenario also a loss of respect by team mates (and the public) if the individual they were impersonating is of the opposite gender.
Live alley cats swung by the tail do not make for effective maces or flails, no matter how drunk and desperate your character is.
Proving someone is not undead by strangling them until they turn blue will usually not result in their gratitude.
Pulling the metal pin of a grenade with your teeth is especially unwise when the temperature is well below freezing and said grenade has been hanging off your harness for the better part of a day in such sub zero temperatures.
Assuming a bag of white powder you snatched from a rival gang members car trunk is cocaine and immediately snorting a line of it to feed your drug habit will have eye opening results when it turns out to be weedkiller.
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Using det cord (detonation cord/Primacord used for triggering explosives) as bootlaces and small amounts of C4 hidden in your insoles so you "have a ready means to escape from a locked room" is potentially life saving, but can be just a much of a hindrance when the customs agents bomb sniffing dog falls in love with your footwear.
Jumping off the side of the docks in nearly 100lbs of plate armor to swim after an escaping thief will result in your expedient sinkage and drowning, no matter how good you are at swimming.
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In a supers game attempting to subdue a suicide bomber wearing several lbs of c-4 by tazering him with the super power "electric blast" will not end successfully.
No matter how skilled your character is in combat, or how ingenious their plan, nothing can overcome the shield of GM immunity. (especially when it's strong enough to prevent the rolling of dice)
No matter how laid back the player or forgiving the character, having said god NPC belittle and otherwise act overly un-intimidated by the character will cause a sharp spike in player (and character) frustration level.
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Compounding said action with links to "zero fucks given" posters to better portray just how unaffected by your char they are, will in no way alleviate the frustration.
#27 There are days when the dice hate the PCs. I just love it when low level weenie monsters slaughter my high level character. Or vice versa being accused of being a killer DM and/or having to save the party from an encounter which should have been a cake walk (yep, the kobold just rolled another natural 20).
#28 Trying to rob someone the DM doesn't want you to will result in certain imprisonment or death.
#29 When descibing unique methods of killing an immortal demi-god like villian NPC in most public places will result in awkward glances, people quickly shuffling away from you, and a strange willingness of bystanders to wait for another elevator (or worse another escalator)
#30 Avoiding the adventure that the DM prepared for will result in some pretty strange twists of fate in which you end up on said adventure anyway.
#35 If an entire town is out looking to lynch a suspected murderer... even if you believe he's innocent, when you find him it is best not to go running after him, shouting his name while holding aloft a picture he painted of the victim. He is not likely to believe you have good intentions and might respond poorly.
Kult, one of the few games where you use a 20 sided dice and it is not a d20system. Kult is also one of those games where I as a GM go the extra mile in graphic and mature content as opposed to CoC. So, over to your submission, I am not a major fan of first-person narratives but this is some fine writing. I became intrigued and wanted to know more about your character and that is a job well done in my book. The fiction section is becoming a place worthy of the citadel. Well done Sil.