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Everything I learned about life from role-playing games
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Silveressa's comment on 2011-06-14 01:23 AM


#36: Giving a paranoid king who's survived multiple assassination attempts a "jack in the box" gag gift that happens to be holding a fake knife covered in red paint will *not* get you reinvited to the annual festival ball.



#37: Nor will implying you are his long lost heir from illicit relations with scullery maids.


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Everything I learned about life from role-playing games
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Silveressa's comment on 2011-07-11 02:37 PM


#38: When the apparent focus of an adventure is on some routine or otherwise dull task that must be completed, bring along your armor and most powerful weapons, chances are it will be anything but "routine."



#39: Convincing the visiting alien ambassador a latex condom is actually bubble gum will get plenty of laughs from your friends, but not the Admiral or interplanetary space commission when the fun loving ambassador demonstrates his "bubble blowing" skill at the evening banquet.



 



 

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Everything I learned about life from role-playing games
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Silveressa's comment on 2012-03-01 12:21 PM


#40: Borrowing money from one loanshark to repay another one never ends well, especially when the process is repeated a dozen or so times while you try to come up with the original sum.  (What began as a mere $10,000 to repair some damaged cyberware grew to well over 100k in short order due to "interest" and "late fees" from each new loan.)



#41: Pretending to join the evil super villians crime syndicate only to tear it apart from the inside only works rarely, and usually will not be successful if you have a current reputation as a "paragon of virtute and  justice."



#42: Committing numerous villinaous acts to remove said virtous reputation so you can temporarily join the evil villians organization will likely result in a permanant career (and alignment) change.



#43: When the Gm goes out of their way to describe a sale on heavy weapons, rare monster slaying components, or equally unusual equipment it's best to take advantage of the discount before proceeding with the next adventure.



#44: When a newly encountered alien species asks to speak to your peoples leader, claiming to coincidentally be just that person never ends well.



#45: Jedi mind tricks may get you a free night in the brothel, (or with that pretty twilek dancer at the bar) but will do nothing to prevent or cure the alien STD's you were exposed to.



#46: Or remove suspicion of the jedi council you're the father of said twilek dancers children a few months down the road.

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Everything I learned about life from role-playing games
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Silveressa's comment on 2012-06-06 11:38 AM

#47


-Picking on angry Shaolin monks for "wearing girly dresses and being a bunch of Buddha belly rubbing pansies," in a modern day horror campaign is a great way to spice up an otherwise sedate investigation scene.


#48


-Doing the former is also a great way to educate yourself on the games multiple combat/and first aid rules in the same scene.


#49


-Key scratching a senator/congressman's car may be a inventive/covert way to make a political statement and "sticking it to the man," but is usually best done when they are not currently inside of it.


#50


Giving a prospective employer a link to Goatse as your Mercanary teams website homepage as a practical joke will usually not get you that hazard pay bonus you were haggling for.


#51


Skunks make great familiars for wizards, not so much for those impersonating them.


#52


-Attempting to use rabid porcupines as catapult fodder, nuff said.


#53


-Swallowing 27 condoms full of stolen gold dust (in an attempt to to avoid giving your team mates an equal cut of the profits after your mercenary op in Africa,) will result in severe internal injury and death when the private plane you are flying on encounters a rough patch of turbulence and the 7+ lbs of metal begin bouncing around your abdominal cavity.

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Everything I learned about life from role-playing games
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Silveressa's comment on 2012-06-09 08:07 PM
Updated with #47-53 Go to Comment
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Silveressa's comment on 2014-03-08 03:05 PM


#54



Attempting to draw a super villain out in the open by dressing up as them and attempting to commit random acts of kindness and charity usually results in ones arrest.



#55



In above scenario also a loss of respect by team mates (and the public) if the individual they were impersonating is of the opposite gender.



#56



Live alley cats swung by the tail do not make for effective maces or flails, no matter how drunk and desperate your character is.



#57



Proving someone is not undead by strangling them until they turn blue will usually not result in their gratitude.



#58



Pulling the metal pin of a grenade with your teeth is especially unwise when the temperature is well below freezing and said grenade has been hanging off your harness for the better part of a day in such sub zero temperatures.



#59



Assuming a bag of white powder you snatched from a rival gang members car trunk is cocaine and immediately snorting a line of it to feed your drug habit will have eye opening results when it turns out to be weedkiller.



#60



Using det cord (detonation cord/Primacord used for triggering explosives) as bootlaces and small amounts of C4 hidden in your insoles so you "have a ready means to escape from a locked room" is potentially life saving, but can be just a much of a hindrance when the customs agents bomb sniffing dog falls in love with your footwear.

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Everything I learned about life from role-playing games
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Silveressa's comment on 2014-03-08 03:29 PM
Updated with #54-60. ;) Go to Comment
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Silveressa's comment on 2014-03-10 10:17 PM


#61



Black market fences (and chop shops) are usually not interested in construction equipment, or emergency service vehicles.



#62



Especially if the stolen Swat Van still has security personnel quietly hiding in the back.

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Everything I learned about life from role-playing games
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Silveressa's comment on 2014-03-29 02:32 AM


#63



Mixing up a squeal of excitement, with a squeal of excrement, is a sure fire way to ruin a chance meeting with an old friend.

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Everything I learned about life from role-playing games
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Ted's comment on 2011-04-29 06:25 AM
#16 If I (the DM) ever say "Do you really want to do that?"- DON'T DO THAT.

#17 Four ten year olds will quickly turn into an elite adventuring group, given tough enemies to face.

#18 When faking your friend's death, attacking them in broad daylight is NOT the answer.

#19 Doom falls upon all of those who would give the temple of no purpose a purpose.

#20 When the cleric starts the campaign drunk, you know to stack a little more defense into your build.

#21 While the DM is often an evil bastard who is out to kill you, being so paranoid that you take forever to get to the actual battle/trap/danger is just as likely to kill you as whatever trap MIGHT be there. Go to Comment
Everything I learned about life from role-playing games
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Ted's comment on 2011-05-01 07:20 AM


26: The biggest obstacles to online campaigns are timezones, sleep schedules, technical difficulties, and distractions.


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Everything I learned about life from role-playing games
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Kassy's comment on 2012-06-18 02:45 PM
An amusing list :)

4/5 + HoH bump! Go to Comment
Everything I learned about life from role-playing games
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Redgre's comment on 2011-05-03 06:07 PM


#27 There are days when the dice hate the PCs.  I just love it when low level weenie monsters slaughter my high level character.  Or vice versa being accused of being a killer DM and/or having to save the party from an encounter which should have been a cake walk  (yep, the kobold just rolled another natural 20).



#28 Trying to rob someone the  DM doesn't want you to will result in certain imprisonment or death.



#29  When descibing unique methods of killing an immortal demi-god like villian NPC in most public places will result in awkward glances, people quickly shuffling away from you, and a strange willingness of bystanders to wait for another elevator (or worse another escalator)



#30 Avoiding the adventure that the DM prepared for will result in some pretty strange twists of fate in which you end up on said adventure anyway.


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Everything I learned about life from role-playing games
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Redgre's comment on 2011-05-03 06:08 PM


Very fun.


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Everything I learned about life from role-playing games
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MysticMoon's comment on 2011-05-04 08:52 PM


These are all very good.


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Everything I learned about life from role-playing games
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MysticMoon's comment on 2011-05-15 09:16 AM


#35 If an entire town is out looking to lynch a suspected murderer... even if you believe he's innocent, when you find him it is best not to go running after him, shouting his name while holding aloft a picture he painted of the victim. He is not likely to believe you have good intentions and might respond poorly.


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Cheka Man's comment on 2014-03-29 02:57 PM
Only voted Go to Comment
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Michael Jotne Slayer's comment on 2011-02-22 07:52 AM


Kult, one of the few games where you use a 20 sided dice and it is not a d20system. Kult is also one of those games where I as a GM go the extra mile in graphic and mature content as opposed to CoC. So, over to your submission, I am not a major fan of first-person narratives but this is some fine writing. I became intrigued and wanted to know more about your character and that is a job well done in my book. The fiction section is becoming a place worthy of the citadel. Well done Sil.


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Murometz's comment on 2011-02-15 12:15 PM


Gruesome! That is the first word that comes to mind.



I guess the second thought is, "what happens next?", which is my way of saying, I liked the tale. Kept me interested in seeing what Dr. Vile, the fetus-implanter, was up to...


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Silveressa's comment on 2011-02-20 11:58 PM
What happened next would be more of a (lengthy) campaign synopsis, the length of a short novel, which I could probably detail in installments if anyone was truly interested... Go to Comment
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