Strolen\s Citadel content. 
Kassy's comment on 2014-04-23 11:41 AM
Ooh, didn't know this started as an RP. Then again, it does explain you both using the same characters for submissions at the same time. Both of which I love :) Go to Comment
Kassy's comment on 2014-04-24 06:05 AM
4.0/5 and fav'd. I think I need to add a folder to my favourites just for these subs.

As with the other's I've enjoyed this one immensely and look forward to reading the rest, and seeing more action *wink* Go to Comment
Longspeak's comment on 2014-04-21 11:45 AM
I haven't voted on others in the series which have stemmed from our RP, but this one contained a lot more of just your ideas. I like some of the detail you created for Evie which we never played out, but exists as background to inform the RP. Nicely done. Go to Comment
Autumn's comment on 2014-04-24 09:49 PM
Aye, it;s mostly just covering background info, useful stuff for establishing character, but not earth shatteringly exciting to read. Go to Comment
axlerowes's comment on 2014-04-16 05:55 PM
Suspension of disbelief regarding the bird getting on to and out the the airplane in such a way as follow chic around a major international airport:

check

Suspension of disbelief regarding a talking song bird (even if its polymorphed bird):

check

Nice story, stuff happens, I was interested.

I would drop the second to last paragraph. The story ends once the woman leaves...and it is better that way. Go to Comment
Silveressa's comment on 2014-04-16 06:02 PM
Aye without suspension of disbelief supers stories deflate rather quickly, although Evie didn't follow her around the air port terminal inside, so much as see which gate she was standing at through the exterior windows then boarded the plane with said tail number in between the loading crews loading of luggage. ;)

AI agree speaking while poly morphed is questionable, but having her shift back into a naked human every time she had to have a conversation, would grow... tiresome and make the stories read like some kind of exhibitionists fantasy

Glad you liked it, more to come in a few days, like usual. Go to Comment
Kassy's comment on 2014-04-19 09:36 AM
5.0/5 + Fav'd

Left hanging on for more right at the end there, particularly interested in this other woman that Sarah is with. Go to Comment
Kassy's comment on 2014-04-19 09:36 AM
Forgot to vote, meh :/ Go to Comment
axlerowes's comment on 2014-04-14 01:17 PM
Minor Note:
"The new quarter began at school and Sarah was deep in study land. Despite her words about me stealing her study buddy, she didn't seem to mind that Ellen got me more now. Almost as if she deliberately invited me over to get to Ellen.."

This is an early conclusion for second date so I assume their relationship is progressing but the chronology is a little tough to follow in the beginning.

Bigger thought:
Ellen and Eve's whole courtship feels like a rush to consummation. And without any conflicts-internal or external-nothing really happens in this section.

What was your goal with this section? Go to Comment
Silveressa's comment on 2014-04-14 06:03 PM


The goal was to cover the the important highlights of the relationship, since Ellens factors into a few future chapters prominently. As for detailing the other dates, it came across as unneeded fluff so was edited from the final piece with only important developments listed. (There were a dozen or so dates at least before the intimate one, but a laundry list of dates felt pointless to include.)



Also aye, the chronology is a bit tough to follow due to the edits for brevity, I'll see about fixing that in the near future.

Go to Comment
Kassy's comment on 2014-04-16 06:40 AM
4.5/5

I love the banter and camaraderie in this piece. They way the characters are bonding is well set out. Go to Comment
Solitude and The Long Road Evelyn's path pt 5
NPCs  (Major)   (Combative)
axlerowes's comment on 2014-04-11 08:29 AM
Did she grab the 'river trout' from the Harlem, East, Bronx or Hudson river? Good trout fishing in those rivers?

I am not sure this post really needed to happen. We don't learn anything about the world or the characters (except no underwear). There is no drama or conflict, the "asking Ellen out" bit could/should have involved more tension or internal dialog, particularly considering all the swings the main character took the night before.

The only thing of interest is that I don't buy Ellen's interest in Evelyn, and am waiting for Evelyn to finally get rejected or have 'a gut check'.
Go to Comment
Solitude and The Long Road Evelyn's path pt 5
NPCs  (Major)   (Combative)
axlerowes's comment on 2014-04-11 09:14 AM
If we were work shopping this story, I would still suggest cutting this scene. Go to Comment
Solitude and The Long Road Evelyn's path pt 5
NPCs  (Major)   (Combative)
Silveressa's comment on 2014-04-11 08:39 AM


Originally this was part of the 4th sub, but I split it up to keep word count down to a shorter level for those with less time to read lengthy subs, and aye, you're right it likely could be cut with minimal impact.



As for Ellen, I figured it will become apparent the complex nature of that relationship in time. ;)

Go to Comment
Solitude and The Long Road Evelyn's path pt 5
NPCs  (Major)   (Combative)
Kassy's comment on 2014-04-11 09:58 AM
3.5/5

Well written and continued from the previous sub. However, axlerowes is right in that it does seem a bit short. But it's six and two threes really.

Still a good sub and I can't wait for it to continue!

Faved :P Go to Comment
Solitude and The Long Road Evelyn's Path pt 4
NPCs  (Major)   (Combative)
axlerowes's comment on 2014-04-08 07:46 PM
Video stores? Nobody messing around on cell phones? Nobody is internet stalking each other? And a teenagers learns about current events from television?!? Is it 1993?

I keep expecting this to get stale, but each chapter really brings us something new. We learn a lot about the world and Evelyn, but I am still not Evelyn has learned anything yet. Anyway good stuff. Go to Comment
Solitude and The Long Road Evelyn's Path pt 4
NPCs  (Major)   (Combative)
Silveressa's comment on 2014-04-08 08:14 PM
She grows up in time, especially after her trip to Africa in the future. ;) Go to Comment
Solitude and The Long Road Evelyn's Path pt 4
NPCs  (Major)   (Combative)
Kassy's comment on 2014-04-09 11:33 AM
5.0/5

You really have a gift for storytelling, it's truly amazing! I like the way I can just let myself "fall into" reading it.

Thank you :) Go to Comment
Solitude and The Long Road Evelyn's path pt 3
NPCs  (Major)   (Combative)
axlerowes's comment on 2014-04-08 06:15 AM
This jackass freshman over-sharer is the scariest thing I have ever read here. She is a very believable 18 year old.

I am pretty sure Columbia is way up town, like 114th street (maybe that is midtown) and the village...I think is between 14th and Houston. That is like 100 blocks or so at least 5 miles. Muro can weigh in on this. Go to Comment
Solitude and The Long Road Evelyn's path pt 3
NPCs  (Major)   (Combative)
Silveressa's comment on 2014-04-06 02:05 AM
Nope, still every other day, I posted this after midnight on the 5th, blame the pesky international date line for making it appear on the 4th for you :P Go to Comment
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