Though I defer to the Expert in his judgement of your myth, I thoroughly enjoyed it! As for the item itself, I think it is brilliantly original. I love the idea of using it in an adventure: presumably the painter would have to carry an easel around too, which might be a little inconvenient during combat (unless it was surreptitiously fitted with blades!).
It has color. I mean, colour. I mean, ehhh... doesn't matter, it is an excellent creation. Deserves an A.
As my evil mind starts to wander, what happens to all those high-quality paintings that undoubtly would stay after any average party of adventurers? Some would they keep, some might be sold, or simply thrown away, once there are too many. Could these portraits be not used to some dark purpose? They already had impact on someones life force...
So if people healed by it before start to get ill, or even die unnaturally... could it be a curse, or someone that hates this fine item wants it to look so? Go to Comment
Basic Item Theory: A. Good item. I like it. This category is not part of the myth grade.
Mythical Language: A. Good use of sentence inversion and strategic Old English. The progression of sentences needs work (see the way mythic sentences progress in Boots Too Fine for the Earth)
Myth in General: A-. A little short, but good nonetheless. The item is mythically magical; that is, it was not created by some petty mage. In this case, it was just so excellent that it was magical. That's a good touch.
Myth Length/Myth Progression: B+. Just a little short. Maybe you could have provided more examples of the healing power of Colourshade's works, and not just that one old woman. The way that you provided one example and then left the rest of it to "And so, throughout his life, people came to Colourshade for peace of mind", which makes the myth feel like it has been cut short, somehow.
Overall Item Grade - 4/5.
Overall Myth Grade - A-. Good work. Let's see the rest of you do some myths, yeah? Go to Comment
Perhaps a cruel twist is this: The painter uses inferior quality paints, and after several years the paintings begin to fade and peel away. The one healed by it may find old injuries, which had been healed by the painting, return.
Good quality oil paints will ensure a longevity far surpassing the persons lifetime, though the ones healed wont live longer. Go to Comment
A couple things: I am aware that you (silly) Americans/foreigners may spell colour as color, as well as several other words differently, but the Australian way, is 'Colour', so don't berate me for spelling it wrong :) I stick by my nationality.
This is my first hand at Mythical-writing, and I won't be satisfied until Captainpenguin grades me. Go to Comment
On that note, what if there was a twin to the painting set spoken of here? Perhaps someone of evil intent made it, or still better: someone of good intent finds it and tries to make another, but fails, twisting it to a point where it does more damage. This could produce a very good storyline at the end of which both painting utensils are present, and look exactly alike. better still, a friend is dieing, and if you pick the wrong one, you will kill them. just some ideas that this gave me. Go to Comment
A fine healing item, wonderfully rendered and perfect for use. One could make the inks require special ingredients for their manufacture, and so employment and riches could be obained in their aquisition. Go to Comment
Can you paint an old person young again? Overall, this is an interesting item with a well-written background story (I enjoyed the "voice" of this piece, very much). I do think its powers are a little ambiguous, however, and could use some more fleshing out. Go to Comment
I agree that the concept and rendering of this myth are good, particularly the idea. If you have not done so, read Portrait of Dorian Gray. I would love to see more fleshing out of the items. Why should they have any power? Wasn't it established that it was the artist? Did the artist somehow merge into the tools upon his death? Did he pour himself into his work for so long that he didn't die so much as he was carried into the items?
Mechanically (were talking capitalization, usage, punctuation, and spelling) you drive me nuts. But then again, I teach English (and several other subjects); my starting sanity is justifiably questionable.
I like the concept as a bardic power or something only a unique person might bring about. Go to Comment
One thing I'd point out is that if Red Mui'aan is a fungus, it is NOT a carnivorous plant, it is a fungus. All fungus are carnivorous, or at least heterotrophic, unlike plants, which create their own food, so it is a double fallacy to call Red Mui'aan a "carnivorous plant". Go to Comment
I took the liberty of making a background/description of the Mui'aan fungus, as I thought I should try to make a bit of an explanation for the bloodlust created by the metal. Feel free to make suggestions/alterations/inclusions. I hope this is how you envisioned your metal, Silas. Go to Comment
A long time ago. Final fantasy III came out with a new approach to learing magic. The characters would be equipped with espers(magical beings) and as they fought more battles, they would learn spells from the espers. What if a similar approach to learning magic was applied to a P&P rpg?
Ideas ( System ) | December 14, 2003 |