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The Flight of Retribution
Plots  (Hired)   (Single-Storyline)
MysticMoon's comment on 2013-08-25 07:33 PM

I know I'm risking my geek cred here, but I've never actually played Doom. I can kind of guess that the demons look like demons, but beyond that the names mean very little to me. A little more detail on that front would have been beneficial for me.


While I like the factions idea, there's too much danger of the players getting bored before the action takes place. It feels like there could be a whole nother dimension (har har) to this. Not saying I know what that could be, just that I think there should :P


(Having said all that, I wish I'd been able to see this movie instead of the ghastly failure that was Event Horizon.)


There are some really cool pieces in this, such as the lightning charging the device.


I love the idea of taking the pirate attack up a notch by throwing in the demons. If done right, you could make the pirates just this side of too tough for the PCs. And once they think they can get a hand on the situation, Bam! Throw some nasty demons their way and make them really sweat it out.


The various scenarios are good, although as Mourn pointed out you can only second guess your players so much. Players can sometimes be really good at coming up with something completely random that borks up your plans.

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The Flight of Retribution
Plots  (Hired)   (Single-Storyline)
Gossamer's comment on 2013-08-25 06:18 AM
I really liked the differing factions and many options. The bad parts were the old artifact macguffin plot and the use of doom demons, even though the latter didn't really affect things much. Somewhat predictable and mainstream, could have used a twist.

But, that being said, it was very well written and structured, enough so to warrant a high score.
Here are some thoughts;

Since there's only two scientists, it seems overly easy to befriend that faction as opposed to the other ones.

Since that scanner door only required DNA from the pirate captain, they could still kill him and bring a chopped off hand or something, right?

It would seem like the millitary's goals would be fulfilled with the scientist's quest as well, only in a slightly more dangerous and complex way, would it be possible to get them all on the same page, or are the factions so opposed to eachother that they won't help eachother out?

If you want something besides just a non-descript artefact, how bout taking the plot from Event Horizon, and saying that the science vessel has an experimental slip stream mode of travel, which just incidentally, takes a shortcut across hell. Go to Comment
The Flight of Retribution
Plots  (Hired)   (Single-Storyline)
Darkstand's comment on 2013-08-26 09:56 PM
A good idea, and has a lot of roleplay potential for a sci-fi campaign. Sci-Fi is not my usual, but I can still admire a job well done. The explicit Doom references distracted me (a little) however, it would have been better to leave them implied or mention it once at first then not again. 

The Good: A highly adaptable open ended plotline full off choices and consequences, interesting NPC's and fun tech to play with. If this entry is short, its cause its fairly well rounded. 

The Bad: Explicit Doom references (this is forgivable). Also, in the 'Artifact Recovery' choice, in that position I (as a PC) would be inclined to possibly fight my way to the artifact and try to disable it from there, using the enemy EMP would not be my first thought. A good DM can improvise on the spot, but its a hole in the options provided. Not a glaring one though. 

 I really wanted to like the references, but in the end I had to admit it distracted, and pointing them out was unnecessary to the submission. Still, good job plotting out a lot of the ways it could go.


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Sila'Khrysath - The Great Sand Wyrm.
Lifeforms  (Constructed)   (Desert)
Shadoweagle's comment on 2013-08-20 11:57 PM
Update: Attempted to space out paragraphs a bit better. Doesn't seem to be working too well! Ah well. Go to Comment
Sila'Khrysath - The Great Sand Wyrm.
Lifeforms  (Constructed)   (Desert)
Shadoweagle's comment on 2013-08-21 08:20 PM
Thanks, Caesar!

The Karikun desert is quite large, however the dragons are also extremely rare. I would think only a half dozen would be active at any given time within the desert.

Being elemental, they do not require food to survive. They are unpredictable, occasionally attacking other living things, and sometimes leaving them be.

Merchants, and indeed most travellers in the desert have nothing to fear; they are extremely rare, and largely regarded as legend. They are far more likely to be accosted by the other vicious creatures of the desert than a Great Sand Wyrm. There will always be superstitious travellers who dread the desert for fear of these horrific devil-dragons!

The dragons will slumber - usually digging under the sand itself to do so. Occasionally they will lair in caves and such, but they have little need for shelter from the desert - they ARE the desert!

They do not hoard treasure, no.
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Sila'Khrysath - The Great Sand Wyrm.
Lifeforms  (Constructed)   (Desert)
Shadoweagle's comment on 2013-08-22 03:40 PM
Yeah, it was difficult to describe that sound without using more modern explanations :p

I guess I could have said an electrical squeal or something, but it doesn't have quite the same ring. Go to Comment
Sila'Khrysath - The Great Sand Wyrm.
Lifeforms  (Constructed)   (Desert)
Scrasamax's comment on 2013-08-29 07:57 AM
Breathtaking.

5/5 Go to Comment
Sila'Khrysath - The Great Sand Wyrm.
Lifeforms  (Constructed)   (Desert)
Cheka Man's comment on 2013-08-27 02:34 PM
Not something to mess with. Go to Comment
Sila'Khrysath - The Great Sand Wyrm.
Lifeforms  (Constructed)   (Desert)
valadaar's comment on 2013-08-27 11:58 AM
Great creature, great selection of images. Love the battery :)

I agree with the Gossamer's point - I would not use the anachronistic description, regardless of its accuracy. Perhaps describe it as an oddly buzzing whistle?

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Sila'Khrysath - The Great Sand Wyrm.
Lifeforms  (Constructed)   (Desert)
MysticMoon's comment on 2013-08-29 07:27 AM

Reading a few Ouzquin Dremorix subs beforehand helped me place this in a larger context. Please, please keep writing these subs... I only have a few more before I run out :)

The graphic is really cool.

While this is not a traditional dragon for the fantasy genre, I would argue that a dragon should be a powerful force, elemental or otherwise. To me this sort of cuts to the heart of what a dragon should be about.

I like how the elements of the desert play such an importance in this setting; it seems very fitting.

No question for me: 5/5

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Sila'Khrysath - The Great Sand Wyrm.
Lifeforms  (Constructed)   (Desert)
caesar193's comment on 2013-08-21 11:54 AM
An elemental dragon that is occasionally sent to destroy a city, which welcomes the attack? Great job, SE. All of it is great, the origins, the mechanics (the battery fits well into a beast made out of sand and obsidian), its societal role.

Sila'Krysath is an excellent elemental, and very original take on the dragon. So now, as I ponder it, Four questions come to mind: how big are the deserts to contain these beasts? Do they require food, besides sand for their sand-spitting attack? How to the merchants feel about them, with both the attack on Bareka and the dragons wandering around the desert with merchant caravans? Do these dragons have lairs, or have a need for sleep?

I could tack on a fifth question about the typical draconic lust for treasure, but I'd assume God's pet and the elemental of the desert would not need treasure. Besides, from what I gather from the Ouzquin Dremorix, treasure is mainly glass, and that would be too fragile for transport by a dragon.

If this site offered the ability to give 4.75, I'd give it too you, but since it doesn't, and I have a policy of rounding down on votes, I bestow on you a 4.5. Go to Comment
Sila'Khrysath - The Great Sand Wyrm.
Lifeforms  (Constructed)   (Desert)
Gossamer's comment on 2013-08-22 03:09 PM
Very interesting, just some minor typos I won't even write up. I have an... observation though.

This part:

"and the sound increased in pitch and volume as though it were an electrical gadget overloading. "

I can understand that it would be hard to find an equivalent of this sound in a more traditional fantasy enviroment, unless your setting has that level of technology?
Up until that point, I was under the impression of a tale told straight out of this world, but that electric gadget observation broke that spell for me. Go to Comment
Sila'Khrysath - The Great Sand Wyrm.
Lifeforms  (Constructed)   (Desert)
CrazyF1r3f0x's comment on 2013-08-24 11:54 AM
This is amazing, the story really adds to this as well. I'll definitely remember this for a desert encounter. Go to Comment
Sila'Khrysath - The Great Sand Wyrm.
Lifeforms  (Constructed)   (Desert)
CrazyF1r3f0x's comment on 2013-08-24 12:01 PM
Well, instead of focusing on the noise, you could instead focus on the glow, and perhaps the air becomes increasingly hot and humid as the energy level increases; hair stands up on peoples heads, metal conducting items might pull some sparks of energy from Sila'Khrysath's maw ect. Go to Comment
Whitebone Book hunt
Plots  (Hired)   (Side-Quest)
Shadoweagle's comment on 2013-07-22 04:32 PM
A fair call, Caesar. I felt that the plot use of the tomes wasn't given enough detail in the item sub, so I expanded on it in an attempt to give people a coherent start-to-finish reason to actually actively seek and learn more about the tomes. Also, I am using this to expand on Lazarus Lightward - he, and now also Skezemo, will feature in some future quest lines, I think. The next step is to find the fabled Hell Knight!

Also, yes, I will link those subs when im on my computer next, good point :D Go to Comment
Whitebone Book hunt
Plots  (Hired)   (Side-Quest)
valadaar's comment on 2013-08-07 08:12 AM
Not bad, though I've found scripted endings rather unpopular with players.

Added a couple of links for you. Go to Comment
Whitebone Book hunt
Plots  (Hired)   (Side-Quest)
MysticMoon's comment on 2013-09-02 09:21 AM
Ties in nicely with the others. Go to Comment
Whitebone Book hunt
Plots  (Hired)   (Side-Quest)
caesar193's comment on 2013-07-22 02:08 PM
You should probably link your Lazarus. Whitebone Tomes, and Library subs to this, so people who lack the knowledge of your fall into being a Hellstrolenite and the whys and hows of that fall can learn of it.

Other than that, I felt that it was kind of just a repeat of what you had all ready done with the previous Whitebone Tomes sub. It was really just the addition of Lazarus (who, for the purpose of this sub, is the bartender who hands out rumors), a couple of additional ideas for the Tome's locations (the only ones that weren't all ready given as ideas for their locations was the necromancer one and the comatose viking one), and an ending betrayal.

The idea for the betrayal was nice, and the raising of Skezemo is a good one (though I do kind of want to know how it happened- from what I had gathered, Skezemo became part of the library, not the tomes. And the tomes help with summoning demons, and not mortals). The execution, too, is good. But overall, I'd say this is a 3.5 Go to Comment
Whitebone Book hunt
Plots  (Hired)   (Side-Quest)
Gossamer's comment on 2013-07-22 11:17 AM
Nice. Some more background info and motives for Lazarus was the one thing I felt missing. Go to Comment
The Whitebone Tomes
Items  (Books and Scrolls)   (Sentient)
Shadoweagle's comment on 2013-07-09 07:03 PM
Update: Gotta get this out or ittle just sit forever :p Apologies in advance for grammar/spelling issues. Most of this was done late at night. Go to Comment
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