As someone who has gm'd several (ancient) campaigns in the Nine Hells, i find this a refreshingly original way to get there, as opposed to your standard "gate" or "pit"!
Also, as opposed to Roger Corman, I see this as a perfect Dario Argento movie!! With blood and boobs of course. And nuns. And Demons. And an ever-so-innocent, young and naive American concert pianist, visiting Florence or Rome. He becomes infatuated with a mysterious woman who is on the run from some demon-loving-cultist types, as she is in possession of a bizarre musical composition notebook.... Go to Comment
This is interesting, but would need the right game and players to use.
Id use it with the demonic appearance toned down, or perhaps hidden until it is played with intensity by someone who knows how to play. Go to Comment
*snigger* Organ... Ehrm. :P Maybe a Dice table would be useful for this, 1 to summon the imps, 2 for hellish flames etc. I happen to own a synthisizer, so that's another interesting option, labeling some keys and go to town. It would have to wait till a later portion of the campaign though, as the Infernal realm is no walk in the park, especially with no apparent way back. Good one.
Oh and Strolen fixed the editor, so you should be able to clean it up now, if you want. Go to Comment
I like it. Magical demonic organ, corrupting the ideal of the angelic organ of the church. Perhaps carved from a REAL demons skull? The pipes from its bones?
For kinder DM's, you could make a gate instead of instant transport (but still no way back). This allows for only some of the people present to go, without raising the issue that the unwary group might think the person who triggered it died. Speaking of which, that made the intro kinda gruesome.... nice job. Go to Comment
Upon correct cord played the demon head grotesquely animates de-hinging its massive maw now agape and akin to a portal, sulfurous fire belching from the skulls nostrils and eye-sockets. An inky miasma fills the void between its jaws.
I would re-purpose this infernal device in my campaign to be used to strike at the very heart of evil giving my holy party of zealots a quest to secure this contraption made from malice and set up a forward command post in hell itself. I would add a knowledge check to secure the race of demon the organ's skull was made out of and have them create a shrine hell-side as a way-point home. Having to find kill and harvest said demon while in hell to do so of course. Go to Comment
An interesting direction for Celsia to take. I think it helped for me to read the original sub before starting on this one. This is an enjoyable read. I like where you're going with Lazarus and his crew. Go to Comment
I see you still haven't mastered the art of keeping things short. :P Honestly, I felt this dragged on for longer than needed. Does an Npc really need all this backstory, not like we could read all of this up to our PCs. I dunno, I don't usually make Npcs since I fear I would end up making too short subs, but this went the other way. I suppose parts of her personality and motives could be glimpsed here and there, but a few paragraphs would have worked just as well. And why go through all of these changes, first she turns into some kind of snow fairy, then she becomes possessed and then she becomes a hell-knight. The actual person gets lost in her powers, she might as well have just been a monster rather than a human. I'll give an extra .5 simply because of the work having gone into it though. Go to Comment
All valid points from everyone!
I didnt expand the sub because I didnt want too ramble on too much, but in hindsight, more info on the demons and some interesting locations within Retribution would have been handy.
Mourn, your extra choice of survival is great and i dont know why i didnt consider it! Also, you are absolutely right about it being cliche and predictable. This isn't made to be innovative and boundary pushing, simply a fun encounter where you get to play the part of a space horror victim; it should only last a day and be used when you want something quick and easy to throw at your gamers.
The inconsistencies are from copying over a draft then tweaking some bits and pieces. Oops :D
I like the way the sub is structured, and how what faction you decide to ally with can influence the end objective of the mission. The entire sub feels like a good space horror movie, one that I would like to see.
Gossamer's comment has some truth to it, the inclusion of the Doom references and demons, I would liked to have seen more done with them, maybe a paragraph or two about the demons beyond the reanimated corpses. Maybe the Hell Knight isn't just a smashy kill monster, but a sentient hellish being that in addition to murder, rape and destruction is a competent pilot and spacer.
Also: Doom is an established source for the Cosmic Era, specifically the early computer games. The appearance of random demons and monsters corresponds with the storm breach/rift phenomenon and the UAC would really really like to have this sort of device. Go to Comment