The tale does draw you in, well written, making her quite memorable. Zombirth, as Forganthus calls it....this is a new concept for me as far as undead begetting, and I Iove it. Deliciously gruesome! Go to Comment
I see two main ideas here--a woman with wild necromantic talent who can take life from many to give undeath to a singular thing, and necroparturition (which is awesome). I think this makes a better story than something to inject into an tabletop game. I know that's not the only standard to judge a sub, but it's mine. Players would only learn this stuff through exposition and monologue, which is fine, but there's no quick hook. This is an decent NPC with a great backstory. Go to Comment
I would guess it wouldn't. I dont know how i overlooked this, but it is very nice. I like the entire vibe of Axtrami, and the Ouzquin Dremorix are captivating desert folk. Nice touch with the first hemisa. Go to Comment
Oooh... I like these things. I'm sure I'll find a suitably diabolical use for them, somewhere. *evil plotting* And I really like the description and intro story, it really sets these things up for me, makes them more than just monsters to be killed or avoided. I actually feel kinda sorry for these buggers... Go to Comment
Lovely piece. It has some problems for me. So I am holding vote until some resolution.
There are lots of misspellings, some odd grammar issues, and bad formatting. These are things I do not normally associate with SE posts. Needs more editing really, it was released early.
You also don't need the RtU infront of it. Unless you add that to every RtU, you really don't need it.
I like that the Mummy is now a bound ghost. I do like the possessed black bandages. I like the two pinpricks of light for the eyes. I like that it is just a bunch of humanoid bandages. The motivational section is not that clear for me, other than just making it monsterous.
The water is a nice touch.
Why can't you just treat these things like any other spirit monster. Spirit wards, dismissals (ghost banishings), some static magic charms, and somesuch should provide some protection against these things. Thus lines of salt or somesuch proofing against maleveolent spirits might provide some respite against the Mummy. Of course, this does not stop the Bandage Beast from throwing knives and things at you.
Actually it might be fun that a holy symbol from long ago might provide some protection from the creatures, as they are protected by that culture's God of Life, thus safe from The Dead. Of course, now the talisman is just a pretty trinket, a lovely design of some antiquity still used in jewelry... much the way a celtic knot design is used in jewelry. Go to Comment
Checka, go get a couple of cans of food, a few jars, some liters of water, and stay inside a dark closet for as long as you can. Stay in there until you have to get out. It should be a few hours to a day or two. Imagine not being able to leave for weeks, or months. Now extend that to years. So the answer, not long. To some degree, it won't take long. Go to Comment
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A small note: Mummification wasn't solely performed by egyptians!
Though this creature would most commonly be found in the desert, it could easily be adapted into... say, an ancient ruin deep within a rainforest, for example. Go to Comment
Phew - I just ran the spell checker, and realized how bad it really was, Moon! :D I wrote it up at 5am in notepad and copied it over when I got home from work tonight, so I didn't give it another look over :p I'll check & modify grammar in a moment.
Anyway, all that aside, about your other comments!
Black bandages: Aesthetic (Plus a psuedo-reason as to why it's fireproof)
Amber eyes: Aesthetic. Make it without any discernable eyes if you wish. I just always thought any creature with a line of sight should have an indication of where its sight is. 'Amber pinpricks' is as good as any :)
Bunch of humanoid bandages: Because the form of the corpse/human was humanoid. It latches onto its past life by trying to make itself look and act human.
As for magical wards/attacks: By all means. I intentionally left out magical remedies, simply because to be honest, I don't know what is the norm for attacking 'spirits', since I don't roleplay. I let it be assumed that magical attacks will work as per normal against a ghost/wraith/spirit.
Anyways... Grammar check!
As a side-thought: While I was writing this up, I wanted it to kind of have a feel of a very powerful bieng, but with a very exploitable weakness. I wanted the feeling that in a low-magic world, if you don't have any water... RUN! Go to Comment