Shadoweagle, this is the first submission I've read here on Strolen's and it's a wonderful piece of work. I fully intend to make use of it in my own campaign, with suitable modification to fit within my current plot. The Angel will be able to provide them a way home from this world, instead of gifting them with magical items (of which they have plenty).
My only suggestions would be to pull this into Word or some other editor, and correct some of the little spelling and/or grammatical errors. Some of the other suggestions here are good as well, and unfortunately, I don't have any others that don't involve making the whole thing thing too specific.
Good Stuff. Between the well laid out scenarios and the alternate endings, this has a lot of stuff to offer. If I use it I might modify the plotline to happen over a smaller timeframe (the fields are a new occurrence) but that's a personal preference, not a criticism. Go to Comment
Why would the lich do that to Linn? The threat was out of the way, and these was no more use for the fellow - let the poor guy die in peace! :p
Khalran is a very understanding undead monstrosity. Some of his motivation for destroying life is simply that he is bored of the stupidity of everyone. He is a problem solver and simply is trying to make the world more efficient.
As for the sword; yeah, it's a pretty straight forward, mundane (and mostly useless from a pc's point of view) kind of object, and that's how I wanted it to be. This item is more about the story; the perverted, wasted result of what could have been a legendary weapon and story, if not for the hubris of man. It's a lesson in humility, and also a vivid reminder that life is not a story book, and things do not always work out for the good guys. Go to Comment
Interesting. I think the story really illustrates your inspiration: the Grand Hero who comes charging in against the Undead Lord, waving a sword and shouting the names of his gods. I like that aspect, the corruption of (blindly naive) good.
As for its actual magic effects, it seems almost mundane from a necromancy standpoint. But that doesn't bother me much, as I like the story a lot. Khalran seems a very practical sort of lich, which I can appreciate. Go to Comment
Could the PCs/villain fix the sword, so that it could be used to kill and resurrect the undead wielder?
I could see how this would be useful (and annoying, from the PCs perspective). The backstory is nice, though getting continuously crushed by a load of bricks would be horrible. I could see sadistic kings using it to torture someone to death, and then repeat...
Actually, you're right Mourn - I was making them both at the same time as hidden subs and linked them because I had originally meant to make Rasp create the Corpsemaker, too - but the story didn't end up going that way. I'll get rid of the links now! Go to Comment
Cool idea. Not utterly original as Cheka points out but definitely different, I like it. I would have liked more of a connection to the corpsemaker since the two are linked but that is a minor issue and more personal than effectual. Go to Comment