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Lazarus Lightward
NPCs  (Major)   (Religious)
MysticMoon's comment on 2013-09-08 06:30 PM
An intriguing character with a lot of good details, like the white suit with the tiny drops of blood and wearing symbols of his old faith. Excellent work. Go to Comment
Lazarus Lightward
NPCs  (Major)   (Religious)
Gossamer's comment on 2013-06-06 11:35 AM
Phew, I usually don't read through such long subs. But this was nice, I like the added intrigue and the fact that you seamlessly connected this sub with the deadleech sub.

Typos:

I had no idea the burden of my charge back then - so young and niave

At first it was only inintelligable whispers within his mind, but they quickly grew

demon language necessary to bind his form to the priests body and soul. Go to Comment
Deadleech
Plots  (Crisis)   (Single-Storyline)
Shadoweagle's comment on 2013-06-03 12:16 AM
Update: The Deadleech was created as a severance fee for abandoning my pledge to the Divine Synod. My punishment was to bestow on the Synod a holy force which was capable of thwarting the undead. Consider the pact sealed. Consider the debt repaid. Go to Comment
Deadleech
Plots  (Crisis)   (Single-Storyline)
Cheka Man's comment on 2013-06-03 09:28 AM
A good zombie killer. Or as a torture device for a bound Greater Undead. Go to Comment
Deadleech
Plots  (Crisis)   (Single-Storyline)
valadaar's comment on 2013-06-04 09:01 PM
Great payment for your crime. A great submission. I have an appreciation for enchanted invertebrates :)
Go to Comment
Deadleech
Plots  (Crisis)   (Single-Storyline)
Kassy's comment on 2013-06-03 05:03 AM
3.5/5

I might borrow these to use in my next campaign with my players. (Let's just hope they do as well in a fantasy setting as in a modern one) Go to Comment
Deadleech
Plots  (Crisis)   (Single-Storyline)
Elbin's comment on 2013-06-03 10:25 AM
Fun addition to a healer's arsenal of normal leeches. Go to Comment
Deadleech
Plots  (Crisis)   (Single-Storyline)
Moonlake's comment on 2013-06-03 12:25 AM
A decent creature for use against the undead. Go to Comment
Deadleech
Plots  (Crisis)   (Single-Storyline)
Dossta's comment on 2013-06-03 12:31 PM
Oh ho! I wonder if you may have unintentionally stumbled upon a cure for zombification as well, SE. After all, normal leeches were used to "suck toxins" out of a person's bloodstream. Perhaps the proper application of deadleeches can halt or reverse the spread of the zombie virus within a host, if the person is still in possession of their mental faculties. And if it works for zombie-ism, why not vampirism or other undead diseases like mummy rot? A party's cleric would be wise to keep a few of these with him at all times.

A few questions:
1) These are leeches. Does their adaptation allow them to live on dry land, or will the zombie horde only encounter them while passing through swamps and the like?
2) How do they reproduce? Does it have something to do with the explosion at the end of their lifecycle?
3) Are there any special conditions for keeping them alive? How long can they go without eating? Go to Comment
Deadleech
Plots  (Crisis)   (Single-Storyline)
Gossamer's comment on 2013-06-03 09:07 AM
Only voted Go to Comment
Flickerwik
Lifeforms  (Third Kingdom)   (Swamp)
Shadoweagle's comment on 2013-05-30 03:52 PM
Id say a demon would fuel a flickerwikk for months longer than a human would. And yes, I would say about 6 months without a feed will cause a Flickerwikk to sputter out and die.

My goal was a creature which was dangerous, but also limited and with exploitable weaknesses. Go to Comment
Flickerwik
Lifeforms  (Third Kingdom)   (Swamp)
Shadoweagle's comment on 2013-05-31 10:11 AM
No worries, Gossamer - I have a nasty habit of not re-reading my subs for grammar/spelling.

I meant Lashing, though Latching can be substituted too. Lashing can mean to beat or strike something, but it can also mean to bind, fasten or tie (Such as lashing ropes together). I am trying to use some creative license to suggest the tendrils are lashing around and onto the other shadow, thus holding him in place.

And yes, due to my haste I misused apostrophes in those particular instances. The lecture was not necessary as I am aware of the particular use of such things, in spite of my error, but I shall take it in stride.

I will mention though, that being too meticulous about pointing out and correcting every single error you see may end up rubbing people the wrong way and tarnishing your own reputation, no matter how noble your intentions.

By all means, point out glaring mistakes, but if someone makes one or two minor errors in an otherwise solid writeup, it's usually a good idea to just let it slide.

Though I am not offended personally, others may be - pride is a dangerous thing :p Go to Comment
Flickerwik
Lifeforms  (Third Kingdom)   (Swamp)
Shadoweagle's comment on 2013-06-15 11:54 PM
Update: Restored from cache after D-day! Go to Comment
Flickerwik
Lifeforms  (Third Kingdom)   (Swamp)
Cheka Man's comment on 2013-05-30 06:27 PM
A pretty dangerous creature, and a case where the light can also guard the treasure. Go to Comment
Flickerwik
Lifeforms  (Third Kingdom)   (Swamp)
valadaar's comment on 2013-06-04 07:40 PM
An excellent remake of the Willo'the'wisp. I could see rather than a servant, a witch or warlock the FlickerWikk had come to an 'understanding' with bearing the lantern.

Under control most of the time, it would a nasty surprise to those who offend. Go to Comment
Flickerwik
Lifeforms  (Third Kingdom)   (Swamp)
Kassy's comment on 2013-06-01 04:47 AM
4.0/5

This is good! Something nasty that you can't just hack at to get rid of! Go to Comment
Flickerwik
Lifeforms  (Third Kingdom)   (Swamp)
Elbin's comment on 2013-05-30 11:56 AM
Interesting description of a being that eats demons. I wonder if the demons are as easy to catch as humans, or if their souls are comparable in nutrition value. Can the FlickerWikk starve, and possibly lose its power? Go to Comment
Flickerwik
Lifeforms  (Third Kingdom)   (Swamp)
Gossamer's comment on 2013-05-31 06:14 AM
I like it. Simple but with a lot of uses. Now, don't bite my head off. But I have a few things to say about grammar(even though it doesn't affect your score);

Terrified, the young man turned to run, but as more of those tendrils lashed themselves onto his body (I think you meant latched here).

During the daytime, it's powers are largely dampened and it's Shadow-Servant melts away

•While travelling the swamps in the daytime, one of the PC's

•The PC's have been asked to the Princes name-day celebration

As for all of these, think about "it's" as an abbreviation of "it is". So anywhere it is doesn't fit, use its instead. As for anything else, the apostrophe is used to indicate ownership. With that last sentence, the apostrophe in the PC's should be moved to the Princes instead. The Prince "owns" the name-day celebration, it is his celebration, but the PCs don't own have been asked. This is also true when used in names, e.g. Bob's car. It also holds true with names ending with an s, such as Dennis's car. Hope you take this as it is intended, in a friendly manner. Go to Comment
Flickerwik
Lifeforms  (Third Kingdom)   (Swamp)
Gossamer's comment on 2013-05-31 10:44 AM
Alright, I wasn't aware of whether or not you knew, since you had repeated the mistake throughout and in another sub as well. I meant no disrespect. But honestly, people who choose to be offended, those are people I probably would have fallen out with sooner or later anyways. I've allready ranted about this in the chatbox, so I won't repeat it here. I'm generally pretty laid back, but when it comes to submissions, I feel like it is a good idea to try and help eachother out. Because some of the people on here, might become writers one day, and if they've got it down before they start on that novel, it will be so much easier for them. Of course not everyone on here wants to become writers, and if they disapprove, I will back off. But I'll tell you one thing, I hold myself to as high a standard as I do everyone else, and I'm not even a native English speaker. Go to Comment
Skittering Steel
Lifeforms  (Fauna)   (Underground)
Shadoweagle's comment on 2013-05-27 07:07 AM
i already have a few thoughts about expanding this, Moon :) Perhaps in the coming week or two i'll beef it up.
I just wanted to get something out because I feel like I haven't managed to put anything up in too long! the 100-challenge is a good way to do that! Go to Comment
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