Well, the first part begins rather like a sketch and we are presented with mundane scene after mundane scene in a rapid fashion.
The real ingeniuety dwells in the reference to the swollen shadow plot: Most intense and an excellent read. Nearing the end the sub is a true 5 and with honours to boot, but alas: Not all of the post is of such high quality.
I like this character. Even without the shadow stuff, he is still a valid addition, and an NPC that should exist - who is better to remind heroes of world's dangers, than a member of a legendary group, now old, weak and practically homeless, atoning for his cowardice which was the only way to survive. And he is still marked by the evil he tried to escape... good work. As said, I like this one, with or without the plot.
(Note: include why he is called 'Sleep-Eye' also here. It is a neat, defining detail.) Go to Comment
This is a good character, with nice depth and good dramatic hooks... even if you are not specifically using the plot. The story, which is important to their plot, is interesting and a nice addition. (Of course, the moment you show them a completed story, the PC's will have an alarm go off in their head and they will know that this is insanely important). Extra .5xs for being part of a greater whole and the storyhook. Go to Comment
A tale within a tale... A lot of good imagery given with plenty of detail. This is probably my favorite section of his tale.
The wind flutters no banners in that city, carries no scents away from it. The sun shines but the gloom cannot be washed away by such simple light. The rains fall, but the stones of the houses remain cracked and dry, the mortar splintering and weakening until the towers toppled to the earth. The locals, now prisoners of fear lived under the rule of Swollen Shadow and his seven Haints. Go to Comment