Just a typo: the first sentence of the Reflection section should end with a 'be.' As in, "what will the result of the criticism BE?" Other than this, everything was excellent, which I now know I must add to make sure my typo bit is well-received ;). Still, I'm afraid this just isn't a 5/5 for me. Maybe if you provided some example maybe of each type, or dos and don'ts for each section, I could revisit my vote. In short, more material.
Still, this was an excellent adress of the topic, and I hope this criticism follows the above parameters. Go to Comment
Let me begin by saying that I have found my new hero. Lao is AWESOME. I love him in all the tiny little details. At first he was an ordinary old geezer. Harmless.
Then he stated eating people's souls, starting criminal organizations, and inviting demons into his body. Oh, and chucking fireballs for kicks and gigs. This is an awesome old geezer.
There is one thing that bothers me slightly: you say in the summary that he's one of the hidden masters manipulating the world, but you don't put anything about that in the actual sub. In fact, the impression I got was contradictory: Lao didn't care about the world, and simply wanted deification (did I mention that that was another thing I loved about him?). Everything else was simply a means to that end. The Lian Zhimeng don't seem to provide much global influence, and seem to stay within China's borders.
But this is just a minor point; I'd just change the summary to reflect Lao instead of the other way round- Lao, as I have said before, is extremely awesome. An excellent submission, and I've talked myself up from a lowly 4.5 to a full score. Excellent job, Scras. Go to Comment
One of the things I love about bureaucracies and other large organizations is their ability to disseminate and dispute the most basic provision ad infinitum.
This, gentlemen, is obviously not a tank, as even the most long ramble that wanders back will know that the tank has a turret and a single cannon fixed therein, and this armored combat vehicle has two cannons in it's turret, and since tanks have one and this has two it's either two tanks, or not a tank at all.
The tobacco industry successfully defended cigarettes for decades before they were out scienced and forced to admit that smoking might possibly be bad for you, according to the surgeon general. Go to Comment
There are, it is sort of a look into fundamentalism in a part of the world that has created zealots and violent organisations for centuries. Take away the oil and money and you have the conditions to start terrorism and that's what's happened today, but the Cosmic Era is post Islam so instead of the prophet we have tech worshipping zealots who are swayed by charismatic imams to wage holy war against those who defile the sacred tech. Go to Comment
Scrasamax' whole Cosmic Age setting is simply delightful, with all the goodies from cyberpunk and urban fantasy mixed with recognizable but still slightly different items from old saturday morning shows and pc-games.
It is hellishly difficult to rate one of the "Cosmic Age" items over the others, they are all good. Go to Comment
I was kind of expecting just a Cosmic Era take on C&C, but I really like the direction this one headed. It makes sense for a religious-to-zealous region like the Arabian Peninsula venerate super tech like arcanotechnology.
Interesting that you make it a secret society rather than a militant empire. Are there analogues to al-Qaida and the like, or am I reading too much into it? Go to Comment