Wow... A lot of work. Go to Comment

I agree with AG. Keep going on this one! I love the story and the back ground and I shall not make my ruling on it till it is dun. Go to Comment

Cyrus and Darius? they are Persian? Go to Comment

You worked hard on this I know. Your love for the knights is obvious and all the interesting details puts this over the top! The tiers were great and the different armor was a unique touch. That was my favorite. Well done!

I might be adding more comments as I re-read and fully digest the info. Go to Comment

God damn this is good. Yet even now though I can still see the gaps that AG was critizing back in 06.  For example what is Bahara’hara’raha or was the Queen actually undead?  At any rate, I don't think those need be weakness, I think great RPG fiction is a jumping of point of the readers ideas.  Great world building hints at depth and back story.  This does that so well, it makes me want to play and write. 

I really can't say enough good things about it.  

Go to Comment

Excellent work! Go to Comment

I can't really say anything that hasn't already been said.

Well done.

4.5/5

Go to Comment

Love it.

4/5 Go to Comment

When seperated from the flock and certain nerves are pinched a Bahara'hara'raha will become nearly comatose. Also, as mentioned, they don't think to look up, and considering Ylfharn hunters attack from above.... Go to Comment

Pretty... Go to Comment

i see. Can't look up (like my dog)...hunt from above. Now it's coming together for me Go to Comment

I especially like the journal!! Perfectly evokes distant exotic lands. One question- why are two meter piranha/gorilla hybrids with teeth that can cut through steel and rippling arms of muscle so weak and easy to kill individually? Go to Comment

While interesting I find it lacking in substance. As a lifeform I feel it should have a few things that should be standard among submissions. I am confused as to its purpose and the reason (no pun intended) behind an insatiable hunger for life not not have a desire to feed.

The concept itself of a emotionless etherial killer is nice, but it needs a purpose and a fulfilling nature. Which I understand are its desire for food. But why do they only desire that? WHy are the desired by mages? What is the purpose behind anyone wishing to own one or covet one so?

The Reason feeds off emotion, making its target, while far wiser, a cold, emotionless, and most likely insane shell.
In their feeding do they make the source more intellilgent. By reading this line it confused me. They feed off emotion yes, but what is the by product and how does it affect the source?

I think it has promise but I also feel it needs some fleshing out. Go to Comment

Only voted Go to Comment

I agree with Mourgrymn but to add to that you could do alot with this so keep on working on it! Go to Comment

Only voted Go to Comment

Ummm... "Seclusive" is not a word... I think you mixed together "secretive" and "reclusive", right? Go to Comment

Man made solar sails, that Arebek could blow him away. Go to Comment

Secluded is a word Go to Comment

Perhaps, though I'll leave it in there as a portmanteau. Thank you, Captain. Go to Comment