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The Starspawn
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EchoMirage's comment on 2010-11-09 04:39 AM


Well, I like the back-story - though the telepathy thing takes a lot away from the possibilities. What if it had to resort to human senses to find out the murderous scum? Stalking, observing, judging, analyzing, before deciding to move away or in for the kill.



It could even improve its effectivity by instructing others to follow its path, a cult leader of sorts, or the founder of a philosophy...



Lots of potential, but much of it untapped.


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The Starspawn
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Michael Jotne Slayer's comment on 2010-11-06 08:30 AM
Sverigesson summed it up nicely, this is unfortunately just not good enough. But do not fret! All is not lost, you have built a foundation here that you can expand. Sverigessons advice are very good, making it defective is a nice option, and you could also provide it with mental tools that are beyond human comprehension. Thus it will have goals that are beyond us and conflict with our.comprehension of morality, this could add the the spookiness. Since it is supposed to be a monster, make it scary and remember not to overpower it. Go to Comment
The Starspawn
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Michael Jotne Slayer's comment on 2010-11-06 08:35 AM
A Mary Sue is a fictional character that are overly idealized and owerpowered, lacking noteworthy flaws, and primarily functioning as a wish-fulfillment fantasy for the author or reader. Male Mary Sues are often dubbed "Gary Stu" or similar names. Yours was a robot, thus the nickname "Robot Sue". Go to Comment
The Starspawn
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Michael Jotne Slayer's comment on 2010-11-06 08:36 AM
You beat me to it;) Go to Comment
The Starspawn
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Michael Jotne Slayer's comment on 2010-11-07 06:20 AM


Vote updated. It looks much better;)


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The Starspawn
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valadaar's comment on 2010-11-06 05:58 PM


Very good - I like it :)



One comment - having double human reaction time is bad, not good :)

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The Starspawn
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sverigesson's comment on 2010-11-06 08:01 AM


I have issues with this. First off, there is nothing to differentiate this from every other invincible robot assassin. Except that it is telepathic. And can teleport. And regenerate. And can manipulate the fabric of the universe to stop damage. And can create illusions. And is twice as fast as a human. And can climb on walls. And has magical senses (I thought this was Sci-Fi?) And has a "not very powerful" claw attack that can nonetheless pass through armor as though it were nothing. And supposedly has "time" powers that don't actually have anything to do with time. And is defective, causing it to "kill all fleshies", basically.



So basically, this is a "Robot Sue".



Now, you could do something interesting with this. Maybe its defective, so it has developed intelligence and a conscience, but still is compelled to murder. Since it can shunt damage into alternate versions of itself (that's how I'm reading that anyways), why doesn't it take random damage from other universes itself? These would at least make this a little bit interesting. Also, remove some abilities. Like, a lot of them.



Welcome to the citadel. You've got some pretty good subs already; just keep working to keep things unique and original.

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The Starspawn
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sverigesson's comment on 2010-11-06 08:30 AM
You can always make changes. I will revote if it is improved. Go to Comment
The Starspawn
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sverigesson's comment on 2010-11-06 08:33 AM
Sorry, I coined the phrase myself. A "Mary Sue" is a character who is just too perfect, and that makes them annoying. So this is a robot Mary Sue, or a Robot Sue. Go to Comment
The Starspawn
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sverigesson's comment on 2010-11-06 01:35 PM
In a word...

Hell hell hell yes yes yes! You have taken something mediocre and barely worth reading and turned it into something that really makes me ponder. The new backstory is excellent, and I love how you took its "damage reduction" ability and included the chance for a little DM fiat to help or hinder the heroes.

It's still not perfect, but it is definitely a worthy addition to the Citadel now. Well done. Go to Comment
The Starspawn
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sverigesson's comment on 2010-11-06 07:03 PM
Revoting. Go to Comment
The Starspawn
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Ramhir's comment on 2010-11-06 07:58 AM
Can I take it back and work on it some more? Go to Comment
The Starspawn
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Ramhir's comment on 2010-11-06 08:28 AM
Update: This was a rather early monster in my GMing career. All I remember is that the players all ganged up on it and managed to kill it despite it being powerful (one against many is not good odds even when the one is very powerful). I'll see if I can come up with some backstory and such, meanwhile, if anyone has any good ideas, I'd be delighted to hear them.

sverigesson: who or what is a Robot Sue? Go to Comment
The Starspawn
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Ramhir's comment on 2010-11-06 11:15 AM
Update: Is this any better? Go to Comment
The Starspawn
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Ramhir's comment on 2010-11-06 06:14 PM


Oops! I mean half, uh, yeah, half human reaction time. Yeah, that's what I said. Of course it was!


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The Inn of the Wild Geese
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Strolen's comment on 2010-11-06 07:43 AM


A great method of PC movement I must admit. Allows them to see much more of your world. Could tie an overall mission into it as the adventures seem to follow a theme and perhaps the purpose of the Inn would be deduced. While an adventure facilitator for the group it would also make a great culmination of the campaign as well. I do like the idea a lot. Great solution to the need for a lot of traveling, I definitely agree.


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The Inn of the Wild Geese
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Pieh's comment on 2010-11-06 12:11 AM


Um... Wow. You seem to have rolled up quite a few stereotypes into this one interesting submission.



The first thing that stands out about this one is the text format. It's not often, at all, that we see that style used, and especially not for an entire submission. Some might not like the change, I found it a little distracting and hard on the eyes but it didn't detract from the submission.



The second thing I noticed, upon completion of my reading, was that there was nothing on the surface to mark this as a unique Inn. I found that remarkably genius. It takes a nondescript place like you have described to be able to travel like that, nothing stand out about its interior or staff, yet it seems to have immense magical power and even intelligence. I like that.



Overall, it works. And that amazes me for such an outlandish concept. I highly doubt I will use it, but I enjoyed the novelty of it and am glad it works for you and your group.


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The Inn of the Wild Geese
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Ancient Gamer's comment on 2010-11-11 02:54 PM


I like this sub. Sure, the formatting could've been better, but that is a minor nuisance and I won't deduct any from the score for that.



The Inn is, as others have pointed out, extremely useful. I will not repeat their arguments, just join in on the chorus of praising voices.



I would not have people not knowing about the secret to "feel the urge to leave". That kind of defeats the fun of this place, but I see that it might be necessary to avoid it being widely known. 



Instead I would say that it wanders at random in myriad places, only very rarely reappearing in the same spot more than once or twice during a decade. 



The following section is more of a note to self, really:



I would also rewrite the "goody good" vibe of the place. The whole "Gandalf behind the counter and a nice multidimensional god-house" thing is not something I would have used. Rather, I'd have the place occupied by some kind of astral wandering nomads or something. In my setting it would have been the Ethenorden http://strolen.com/viewing/The_Ethenorden. Some neutral outsider party, thats all I'm saying. The house itself would be a tainted place, perhaps the haunt of an elder thing or the former residence of a deity. 


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The Inn of the Wild Geese
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valadaar's comment on 2010-11-15 08:27 AM


I can't add much - I'd parrot AG on this one.



I will say I like this method and it seems it would be very useful for long running, low frequency campaigns as well.  It has a kind of 'Quantum Leap' or The Magic Treehouse feel to is as well, and I don't think that is a bad thing.



 

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The Inn of the Wild Geese
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Wulfhere's comment on 2011-01-04 09:28 PM
Put me with those reminded of Moorcock's Ship that Sails Between Worlds or his Vanishing Tower. It also made me want to look up one of my old pieces, Mumwertzs Affectionate Elixirs. Perhaps heroes accidentally transported while shopping for potions might seek out your inn to find their way home... Go to Comment
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