Very good! I like the completeness of the post. I also like the completeness of the NPCs. The first paragraph is fairly long, and there are a couple points where it might be good to break it down, but it's pretty good as it is. I would, however, like to see a plot idea or two. Surely, there's at least one in there somewhere, and I'd like to see it. Go to Comment
Probably the commander of the press would find himself as the port officer on a desert island far, far away. Merchantmen in most jurisdictions had certificates of protection against the press. Beyond that, the Venturers' Guild is *organized* - there'd be dire political repercussions.
The press'd have much better luck picking off random sailors on the streets than raiding the Guild Hall. Go to Comment
I like it!
The Chuliks are, to me, like orcs that have been advanced to civilization. The writing is easy to read, which is always a plus. There are two things that I would like to see.
First, when you mention the Khibils, although you link to them, you should also tell a bit about them, even if it only a short sentence. This tells us what they are without us having to click on the link and read the sub.
Secondly, I would like more about Shathana, their homeland. You say it is the far South, is it surrounded by jungles? Deserts? Something else entirely?
Good job, RGTraynor, and welcome to the Citadel! Go to Comment
Because it's something of a truism in life that someone who presents himself with supreme self-confidence and arrogance will by that fact alone convince a lot of folks that he's something special. (Heck, isn't the advertising industry based on the premise that you'll think a product's great just because some paid actors tell you it is?)
Bringing it more to the point, what impresses people more? Those who are good fighters, or those who LOOK impressive? Trot out a guy who looks like The Rock, put him in a dapper uniform with lots of shiny medals, and folks would just assume he's a complete badass. Go to Comment
I'm fairly persnickety about language, which I see this site is as well. "Men" has been used as the neuter collective for "men and women" for centuries.
What other dimensions would you like to see? Other than these snippets of tendencies, the three races I posted have, by and large, assimilated into the dominant local cultures, and don't have a raft of unique cultural or psychological practices distinguishable from them. It would be like ascribing a set of detailed, specific practices to "humans." Go to Comment
I would have to concur - even among humanity, there are overall trends that can be used to broadly script out what we are, as a collective group. There are wide variations - both individually and culturally - but these don't invalidate the general overview.
The description you've given suggests little beyond 'This is a cat that someone taught to be bipedal, but to make it special it's EXTRAPLANAR!'
Please, more details. I'd honestly consider this much more of a stub than a full submission as it currently stands. It has potential glimmers - but as it stands it's almost a cardboard cutout of Anime Catperson, to me. Go to Comment
iThat's the problem here: people expect non-human races to be monolithically lockstepped into rigid traditions, customs and practices that humans in no particular whatsoever follow as one/i
I am going to have to object to this sentiment. I think you have presented an invalid argument to cover the fact that your cat-people have no defining characteristics. Your Fristles as presented are Cat people who have an aptitude for magic and are not priests. You have given no insights into their culture, their lifestyle, just a cardboard cut out of Fritz the Cat dressed for the Renaissance Fair.
I hear constantly that Stereotypes and generalizations are inacurate and unfair. To that I say bologna, because if there wasnt a grain of truth in a stereotype or generalization it wouldn't hold up and therefore wouldnt exist. If you say your catfolk are elitist epicurians, that doesnt confine all of them to that mode, it just gives a basic to measure them against. Not all of them are going to be Model X citizens.
Your arguement is reflexive in response to criticism, and unfortunately not admissable Go to Comment
Have to agree with Scras here- there really is nothing to differentiate them from generic cat people.
I think the choice not to have specific cultural differences is a mistake for these races. Humanity alone has huge differences, a different species should have even more, no matter how well assimilated. Go to Comment
The journey had been a long one and now they had entered the mountains. After an entire day spent on paths cut into the mountainside and through moss covered coniferous woods, they encounter a desperate young mountain tribal. He is searching for his beloved wife and his elder brother, both of whom he got separated from after an unsuccessful attempt to kill a cave bear. The last thing he saw was the cave bear in full pursuit of his wife. He could not help her as he had been knocked to the ground by the raging beast, and was struggling to regain full consciousness. The tribal will be clearly nervous and urges them to look for his wife during their travels. He will stay in his village a couple of miles to the north and pleads for assistance should they recover his wife, whether she be dead or alive.
On the next day of travel, they will journey upon a dim track in the forest and while they are preparing to ascend another path cut into the mountainside, they hear moans of lust from somewhere nearby. Upon closer inspection they will spy a young tribal woman in the heat of the act with an elder tribal male. They are consummating their forbidden love on the cold mountain moss, and beside them lay the skinned and slaughtered carcass of a huge bear.