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The Hand of Callous Justice
Items  (Other)   (Magical)
Gossamer's comment on 2013-05-29 05:12 AM
When you write family, even though you use a capital letter to derive them as a separate group. It is a bit confusing. First I wondered, why would his family drug him and then sentence him? Then I read it again and got it. You may want to name this Jixden family, to avoid confusion.

You also mention that when the group dug the hand up, it allready had unique properties. How? Was it blessed by a god or what?

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The Hand of Callous Justice
Items  (Other)   (Magical)
Gossamer's comment on 2013-05-29 01:07 PM
Nope, haven't seen that show. Hmm, that's not really how I view true justice. But point taken. Of course that would require a world which allowed such artifacts to spontaneously form then. Go to Comment
The Hand of Callous Justice
Items  (Other)   (Magical)
Gossamer's comment on 2013-05-30 04:59 AM
Only voted Go to Comment
Forget Me Not
Items  (Melee Weapons)   (Non-Magical)
valadaar's comment on 2014-05-30 12:18 PM
The story could still use some clarification - I lost track of who was poisoning who and why, but it is an excellent item and conjures a great visual.

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Forget Me Not
Items  (Melee Weapons)   (Non-Magical)
Dossta's comment on 2011-08-28 10:21 PM


This is an exquisite item, and a very original weapon.  However, I feel that the item itself could use a little more description, and the backstory as written is really confusing.  Who is Gen?  Who is the lady that Devorak falls in love with during exile?  And what did Hestor mean to him anyway?  The dialog is good, but there is just not enough context given to allow comprehension of the major events.  I love this item, but will withold my vote for awhile to give you the chance to clear up or remove the backstory.


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Forget Me Not
Items  (Melee Weapons)   (Non-Magical)
Dossta's comment on 2011-08-29 03:02 PM
You don't have to do anything "more traditional" -- I liked the dialogue a lot! I just didn't feel like I had the context to understand it all, and so missed a good part of the story. And that was disappointing because I greatly enjoyed the parts I did understand :) Go to Comment
Forget Me Not
Items  (Melee Weapons)   (Non-Magical)
hylandpad's comment on 2011-08-29 05:11 PM
this was very fancy. I liked the dialogue; I felt it was artistically written, tasteful yet vulgar and gritty enough to evoke an emotional reaponse. That alone makes it a great sub. I did feel a bit lost with the storytelling. But I appreciate the attempt to do something new and different. The prose grants a good insight into the history of the weapon, though I wish I knew more about the weapon itself. Go to Comment
Forget Me Not
Items  (Melee Weapons)   (Non-Magical)
PoisonAlchemist's comment on 2011-08-08 03:55 AM


 



Plots



· Lord Westershroud and his mistress have suddenly been found poisoned. The players must first cover up the circumstances of his death, and then discover who poisoned them and why.



· Nothing lasts forever, the Forget Me Not has become broken during a gremlin infestation and widow Westershroud insists she wear “the last anniversary gift her husband would ever give her.” The players must find a craftsman skilled enough to repair the Forget Me Not before the funeral of Lord Westershroud. Being such an old and delicate item of such rare quality the smith might need additional help procuring tools and materials.



· A young dwarf wishes to obtain the Forget Me Not for study that he can use some of its design for his own Masterwork.



· Having heard the tale of redemption, Devorak’s clan wishes to have him interred in the clan mausoleum with proper honors. However, before he can be declared a Master Craftsman and buried as such his Masterwork must be found, examined, and approved by a council of elder dwarven craftsmen. It cannot be presented broken.



· The last vial of a rare poison has been stored within the Forget Me Not. It is the only way to defeat the rampaging Woargarble. The players must find and obtain the Forget Me Not, and perhaps even learn how to use it against the fearsome foe. 


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Forget Me Not
Items  (Melee Weapons)   (Non-Magical)
PoisonAlchemist's comment on 2011-08-29 02:06 PM
Thanks for the input. I wanted to do something a little different for the backstory, but it seems it didn't work. You'll never know unless you try. : ) It's going to take me a few days but I'll try and come up with something more traditional and clear. Go to Comment
Forget Me Not
Items  (Melee Weapons)   (Non-Magical)
PoisonAlchemist's comment on 2011-09-03 10:21 PM
Update: Massaged the story a little, hopefully it is more clear now. Go to Comment
Forget Me Not
Items  (Melee Weapons)   (Non-Magical)
OmegaDraco's comment on 2011-08-30 02:51 PM


Very clever weapon. I love how unique it is. The writing really does bring a cool flair to the item, but (like mentioned before) it's a little difficult to follow. How did such a wondrous item end up in a common marketplace? What became of Devorak and what did he do with the Forget-Me-Not once it was finished? It's a really intriguing item, and I can't help but want more info.


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Amanita
NPCs  (Minor)   (Criminal/Espionage)
Forganthus's comment on 2013-05-07 05:30 PM
Complex and well written. And ideas that I can steal. Go to Comment
Amanita
NPCs  (Minor)   (Criminal/Espionage)
PoisonAlchemist's comment on 2011-08-07 04:03 PM


 



DM Notes:


 


Amanita can either be a legendary figure or one very much active in the game. Her personal motivations are to be rid of her obligation to the dragon Rynysh who is imprisoned within the Red Dawn, that she may lead a quiet life with Erris and the red-haired orphans she has taken from the Jixden street. While she is brutal, it is the only life she has ever known. Her crew consists of members rescued from punishment for sexual deviancy, and are intensely devoted to her. The Red Dawn being a very powerful and thus desireable ship could easily lead to conflict, as could her smuggling operations or rumors of a sadistic cult. Just when the party is comfortable with the idea of this awful villianess show her tending to her children with Erris in the few moments Rynysh allows her ashore. 

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Amanita
NPCs  (Minor)   (Criminal/Espionage)
Tundra's comment on 2011-08-30 05:56 AM
Only voted Go to Comment
Amanita
NPCs  (Minor)   (Criminal/Espionage)
Tundra's comment on 2011-08-30 05:57 AM
Only voted Go to Comment
Silverfox Mill - Part I
Locations  (City)   (Forest/ Jungle)
valadaar's comment on 2013-05-30 10:28 PM
These two subs are very high quality, through this one does not quite strike me as much as the other. In any case, it is excellent.

I would have built this out of smaller pieces myself, as massive works like this tend not to get voted on. Go to Comment
Silverfox Mill - Part I
Locations  (City)   (Forest/ Jungle)
valadaar's comment on 2013-05-31 05:12 AM
Its about the sale, frankly. II caught my attention more as it was a plot, alive, and the maps were very well done. This sub is excellent background material but less alive.

As for how I would have rated Father basil seperately? Not too high - i would have put all the NPCs in a sub by themselves.

This is a deference to practicality on my part. Yes the sub flows better as one whole piece, but with the intent to elicit feedback, sometimes compromises need to be made. Overlarge submissions are something I tend to get caught up in myself.

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Silverfox Mill - Part I
Locations  (City)   (Forest/ Jungle)
Kassy's comment on 2013-06-01 05:12 AM
4.5/5

Would have been a 5.0/5, had it not been for the fat that you've split these.

Presentation, check. Detail, check. Idea, check. Personal liking of sub, check. Sod it, it gets my 5 anyway. Go to Comment
Silverfox Mill - Part I
Locations  (City)   (Forest/ Jungle)
Elbin's comment on 2013-05-31 03:09 AM
The problem with this way of splitting things is that one is left with the feel of detachment from something that will be happening soon at the same place, and reactions of the people and story of the place are given before it happens. It's a sense of discontinuity. I guess Valadaar liked the second part more, because it described the intended plot and its resolution. Yes, it was building on the information here, but in general you could go without this information, instead improvising the reactions and characters based on what you got from the plot description. It is good to have, but it's just a complement to the plot, not a general (truly general) description of the place.

All that said, I like it and will proceed to read the second part now :). Go to Comment
Silverfox Mill - Part I
Locations  (City)   (Forest/ Jungle)
PoisonAlchemist's comment on 2011-08-28 05:52 PM

This is the first part of Silverfox Mill, the portion regarding plots and events is Part II and can be found under the Plots section of the citadel.

Silverfox Mill is part of the Etzem Campaign and as such is unfinished, lacking links and context for a number of things. Statistics are given with the pathfinder system in mind. 


Some ideas have been taken from Tales of Terror and others have been taken from Strolen submissions. If you wish to link or receive credit simply comment below and I will create a link compilation at the end of this submission. 

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