Strolen\s Citadel content. 
Snapdragon
NPCs  (Minor)   (Combative)
PoisonAlchemist's comment on 2013-03-25 07:12 PM
I was going to write you a reply, and then I wrote a reply so long I figured I should just add it to the sub as an idea. I think the answer to the first part of your question is that she was not always this way. She was perfectly fine until her parents broke the covenant, and loved her sister more than her.  Go to Comment
Snapdragon
NPCs  (Minor)   (Combative)
PoisonAlchemist's comment on 2013-03-25 07:14 PM

I imagined that the "witch" (I use that term loosely, she is never referred to as a witch until she goes against the family's wishes) pulled together what parts of a soul were in the womb, and bound them together with Talia and Amond's affections. Over time this binding fused together the soul into a mostly viable person, but when the spell was broken there were large gaps left. Holes cause a combination of emotional and physical pain where an aspect of her (such as her capacity for empathy) once was while the parts there are (such as anger) attempt to fill what is missing. It's similar to those who feel pain in phantom limbs, which is caused by the brain overtaking the parts used to control the missing limb and applying them to different tasks. 

These holes are not a terribly uncommon occurrence in people but the holes most have are small and get repaired with time or stoppered with something such as drugs or a new puppy. Unrepaired souls make a fabulous foothold for evil influences which is why there is usually some trauma associated with those who walk that path. What makes that route doubly tempting is that when someone is killed their soul momentarily passes through that of the killer and fills in those gaps for a few seconds. Beating a person within inches of their life brings them within touching distance and has a similar though less dramatic effect, as does intimate sex (though the conditions for that are difficult to meet as it requires nothing short of true love). 

In effect, Snap's soul is filled with many large gaps and cracks making it a breeding ground for the essence of the nether realms. She's caught between the person she knew she was, and the person she feels she is. The monks taught her to manage the constant pain, the consuming rage, and the breeding evil, but none of it ever goes away. If she ever lets her guard down at least one of these will overtake her, and no one is sure what happens after that. 


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The Hand of Callous Justice
Items  (Other)   (Magical)
Shadoweagle's comment on 2013-05-29 09:12 PM
As the others mentioned - this is a sub which definitely focusses on the backstory more than the item itself. This isn't a bad thing, so long as the item doesn't suffer, and in this case I think it did; it's a little vague - I'd love to know why the hand was given it's abilities and how they are used. Why his hand? Would the criminal family go back and lop off other appendages to see if they had powers as well? Do the fingers curl up as the powers are used in a manner like the Monkey's Paw wishes?

i'm all for this Judge being so commited to his work and law that his very hand retained the essence of his beliefs - perhaps that is what happened? Maybe the power concentrated in his hand because of the way he swung his gavel with such conviction at sentencing of his own son.

Anyway; a handy (haha, punny!) item, but some more depth would be nice. Go to Comment
The Hand of Callous Justice
Items  (Other)   (Magical)
Ted's comment on 2013-02-26 03:30 AM

Withered Fist

The blackened and withered Hand of Callous Justice is forever trapped in the shape of a fist. Shrunken with age, someone long ago had the idea to incorporate it into a necklace so that the emblem of unflinching loyalty to the law could be worn about the neck.

Those wearing the Hand of Callous justice feel themselves strongly compelled to enforce the law in the harshest way possible- all but the most minor of violations demand the death of the perpetrator. The Hand's demands must be met immediately, lest the owner be stricken with unbearable agony until justice is served.

The Hand allows its owner to immediately become aware of any crime or dishonesty done in their presence, immediately granting complete immunity to the Criminal's attacks. Those using the Hand of Callous Justice find that those they are hunting are completely unable to strike them, their attacks passing through the hunter harmlessly.

The Hand carries a great burden of responsibility- should its owner commit a crime, the Hand of Callous Justice will demand their death, and subject them to relentless suffering and pain until their death- whether at their own hand, or by the next owner of the Hand of Callous Justice.

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The Hand of Callous Justice
Items  (Other)   (Magical)
Ted's comment on 2013-02-26 03:32 AM
Added my take on the hand and the powers it should grant. Go to Comment
The Hand of Callous Justice
Items  (Other)   (Magical)
Kassy's comment on 2013-06-01 05:09 AM
3.0/5

Sadly your links are Grue infested. I would like to read more of the three locations you mention. Go to Comment
The Hand of Callous Justice
Items  (Other)   (Magical)
Elbin's comment on 2013-05-29 03:57 PM
I think you spend too much time on the history of the judge, and almost nothing on the actual item that the sub is about. From the beginning it sounded like an NPC description, not an item. The power of the hand is also somehow "dropped from the sky", as we say here (in Bulgaria). It doesn't come logically (or illogically, for that matter) from the rest. Go to Comment
The Hand of Callous Justice
Items  (Other)   (Magical)
Elbin's comment on 2013-05-30 03:10 AM
To be honest I glanced through the two parts of your epic plot and the shear amount of described places, NPCs and steps made me leave it for later. I promise I will read through it though.

On the current sub - that kind of detail would be great to have! So it may be better to post the descriptions of the cities in question before drawing parallels to them. Otherwise we're like the Okada folk that had no idea why the hand was taken... except that we have no idea what it is to be a citizen of Okada either. Go to Comment
The Hand of Callous Justice
Items  (Other)   (Magical)
Elbin's comment on 2013-06-01 01:55 PM
Only voted Go to Comment
The Hand of Callous Justice
Items  (Other)   (Magical)
PoisonAlchemist's comment on 2011-12-10 11:57 PM


Author's Note: This submission is unfinished, as it should be linked to a number of other items in a homebrew campaign setting which does not exist on the site. Critique as you like. 


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The Hand of Callous Justice
Items  (Other)   (Magical)
PoisonAlchemist's comment on 2013-03-20 09:50 PM
I heartily approve. Go to Comment
The Hand of Callous Justice
Items  (Other)   (Magical)
PoisonAlchemist's comment on 2013-05-29 12:11 PM
I never considered the name important, but I understand the confusion.

Ever watch Warehouse 13? It's a show where people collect 'artifacts', things like Sylvia Plath's typewriter which makes you suicidal. No one blessed or cursed or enchanted the typewriter, it is the way it is because of who it belonged to and the emotions she felt. This is the sentencing hand of a man who let his own son die rather than compromise justice. Do you not think that is magic enough? Go to Comment
The Hand of Callous Justice
Items  (Other)   (Magical)
PoisonAlchemist's comment on 2013-05-29 10:13 PM
Meh, it's not my finest work I'll admit but no one seems interested in reading two-part epics and someone might get an idea or two.

Good point about going and digging up the hand. As yet it's unexplained because the Jixden article is unwritten (no excuse really) but for your curiosity I'll provide a cursory explanation:

Jixden is a place where death and mutilation beyond recognition in a back alley is common. As the torrential rains of the area wash bodies into "Tide Ends" families with missing loved ones needed some form of identification for brutalized and rotting corpses. As such a symbol based tattoo system was created and placed on the hand. Not only does it identify your faction affiliations (based on the alchemist who inscribed it) but if you have parents, siblings, children, and whether they are alive, dead, missing, unknown, etc. Because this often the only means of identifying a loved one after death the removal of the hand is considered beyond insult - it is the worst thing that can be done in Jixden culture and is reserved only for the worst of traitors or enemies.

Removing the judge's hand is the ultimate expression of this Jixden Family's triumph over Okada law. It's desecrating his corpse in a way that is uniquely of the people who defeated him in a show of power and ruthlessness that stakes their claim on the city. The general populace of Okada may not understand, but they're not the ones to whom that 'message' was addressed. Go to Comment
The Hand of Callous Justice
Items  (Other)   (Magical)
Gossamer's comment on 2013-05-29 05:12 AM
When you write family, even though you use a capital letter to derive them as a separate group. It is a bit confusing. First I wondered, why would his family drug him and then sentence him? Then I read it again and got it. You may want to name this Jixden family, to avoid confusion.

You also mention that when the group dug the hand up, it allready had unique properties. How? Was it blessed by a god or what?

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The Hand of Callous Justice
Items  (Other)   (Magical)
Gossamer's comment on 2013-05-29 01:07 PM
Nope, haven't seen that show. Hmm, that's not really how I view true justice. But point taken. Of course that would require a world which allowed such artifacts to spontaneously form then. Go to Comment
The Hand of Callous Justice
Items  (Other)   (Magical)
Gossamer's comment on 2013-05-30 04:59 AM
Only voted Go to Comment
Forget Me Not
Items  (Melee Weapons)   (Non-Magical)
valadaar's comment on 2014-05-30 12:18 PM
The story could still use some clarification - I lost track of who was poisoning who and why, but it is an excellent item and conjures a great visual.

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Forget Me Not
Items  (Melee Weapons)   (Non-Magical)
Dossta's comment on 2011-08-28 10:21 PM


This is an exquisite item, and a very original weapon.  However, I feel that the item itself could use a little more description, and the backstory as written is really confusing.  Who is Gen?  Who is the lady that Devorak falls in love with during exile?  And what did Hestor mean to him anyway?  The dialog is good, but there is just not enough context given to allow comprehension of the major events.  I love this item, but will withold my vote for awhile to give you the chance to clear up or remove the backstory.


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Forget Me Not
Items  (Melee Weapons)   (Non-Magical)
Dossta's comment on 2011-08-29 03:02 PM
You don't have to do anything "more traditional" -- I liked the dialogue a lot! I just didn't feel like I had the context to understand it all, and so missed a good part of the story. And that was disappointing because I greatly enjoyed the parts I did understand :) Go to Comment
Forget Me Not
Items  (Melee Weapons)   (Non-Magical)
hylandpad's comment on 2011-08-29 05:11 PM
this was very fancy. I liked the dialogue; I felt it was artistically written, tasteful yet vulgar and gritty enough to evoke an emotional reaponse. That alone makes it a great sub. I did feel a bit lost with the storytelling. But I appreciate the attempt to do something new and different. The prose grants a good insight into the history of the weapon, though I wish I knew more about the weapon itself. Go to Comment
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