Strolen\s Citadel content. 
Xen'da'rik
Locations  (City)   (Desert)
Shadoweagle's comment on 2013-05-26 01:22 AM
Very in-depth, PA. I love it! I love the story behind the merchant king and the trickster Ranger who managed to take ownership of half the land due to the expanding sands.

One thing I would like to know (I may have missed it in the sub itself) is why the sands expanded as they did.

Whatever the case, this has plenty of information, interesting npc's, useful plotlines and engaging history; enough to keep a GM going in this desert city for some time! 5/5! Go to Comment
Xen'da'rik
Locations  (City)   (Desert)
Cheka Man's comment on 2013-05-15 10:32 PM
Rather Star Wars ish. Go to Comment
Xen'da'rik
Locations  (City)   (Desert)
axlerowes's comment on 2014-03-05 08:10 AM
I think this is great, well conceived, well formatted, and found the written descriptions of the physical as good as any writing I have paid for.

I agree with Moonlake: culture could use some more...culture. I know it may seem silly to ask for more because this is a very complete sub. But it is ambitious, and that ambition means it might need more.

I like the people a lot. Go to Comment
Xen'da'rik
Locations  (City)   (Desert)
valadaar's comment on 2014-03-05 08:22 AM
This is very good, though I think a clear explanation of what happened to cause the desert to grow so precipitously would help - that part seemed to beg for more details.

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Xen'da'rik
Locations  (City)   (Desert)
Kassy's comment on 2013-05-18 07:16 AM
4.0/5

Very interesting sub. I enjoyed reading this. Go to Comment
Xen'da'rik
Locations  (City)   (Desert)
Moonlake's comment on 2013-06-05 07:10 PM
A very comprehensive sub on a location. The formatting is good and makes it extremely easy to read thru despite the length. I think the Legend, the Persons of Note and Plot Hook sections are done very well but I like the other sections quite a bit less. In particular, I have the following issues with them:
1. Recent History: it's still well-written but I would have appreciated more sign-posting (i.e. tell me to refer to persons of note section for the personages). Currently, the various names mentioned in a short paragraph has a slightly overwhelming effect on me
2. Culture: currently, the majority of the section is concerned with what garb ppl of this city wears. I agree that's one part of culture but I would have appreciated sth more in-depth on cultural aspects. You did go into mindsets of the ppl and beliefs in after-life later but I guess what's bugging me is the inbalance b/w the more 'shallow' aspects of culture (what they wear) and these more in-depth aspects.

Overall, a high quality sub that achieves its purpose of describing the city very well. Go to Comment
Xen'da'rik
Locations  (City)   (Desert)
PoisonAlchemist's comment on 2013-05-15 08:11 PM
Update: This city was created for a campaign based on a world shaped like a tetrahedron, with several moons, several suns, and each side named relative to the prevailing element. Hotside, Coldside, Pointyside, and Flatside for Fire, Water, Earth, and Air respectively. Go to Comment
Xen'da'rik
Locations  (City)   (Desert)
PoisonAlchemist's comment on 2013-05-18 02:17 PM
What makes you say that? I'm not a huge fan of the series, so I don't remember anything from the movies nor have I read the books. I would have thought it would be more like Dune but then again I haven't read that either. Go to Comment
Xen'da'rik
Locations  (City)   (Desert)
PoisonAlchemist's comment on 2013-05-28 01:28 AM
Thank you!

I had one or two thoughts on the sands. The first is that it could be an entirely natural process based upon the weather; in fact the idea of the expanding sands came from the Sahara growing by n square miles per year.

The other more interesting theory is that 'nature spirit' the rangers were sent to destroy is somehow related to the desertification. This explains how the fourth ranger was able to predict that the island would turn to sand and why the third ranger refused the coin - from guilt knowing that what he had done would eventually destroy the island ecosystem.

I say 'nature spirit' because it is never actually revealed what the rangers encountered or did while on the island. Xen'ari assumed it was a nature spirit and hired the people he thought would be best suited to the assumed task. Whatever it is might still be on the island, slowly and vengefully grinding the city of its imprisonment into dust. Go to Comment
Silverfox Mill - Part II
Plots  (Discovery)   (Multi-Storyline)
valadaar's comment on 2013-05-28 06:42 PM
This is so well done, that even with some of my reservations, I must award top marks.
Reservations?

Linkage. If you use other submissions on this site, consider this a blanket request that you actively link them. Let me know if you need a hand with this, but linkage is how this site works.

Game specific stats

Thats about it, its a really awesome submission. Go to Comment
Silverfox Mill - Part II
Plots  (Discovery)   (Multi-Storyline)
Kassy's comment on 2013-06-01 05:17 AM
5.0/5

Brilliant. The amount of time that went into this, and the detail here is incredible!

Well done PA. More!! Go to Comment
Silverfox Mill - Part II
Plots  (Discovery)   (Multi-Storyline)
Elbin's comment on 2013-05-31 03:50 AM
Again, a lot of work is put in all this, but I have reservations of my own and will explain the lower mark. I like reading (and writing) stories. This is an excerpt from a RP adventure book, a perfect DM complement, but leaving nothing for the DMs imagination. Descriptions and scenes are preset, and though nothing is mandatory (the Golden Rule of RP), it leaves me with a feeling for a manual that tells me how to tell a story. To be honest, I liked the first part more, as it contained more detailed descriptions of people and the place where everything takes place.

Again, the feeling of detachment is here, letting me know that there are also huge other things happening elsewhere in the world, to which I have no access at the moment. Which, mostly as a result of my own mindset, bugs me. I cannot get a feel for the completeness of the adventure, it's just a drop in the ocean, inseparable form the rest. Go to Comment
Silverfox Mill - Part II
Plots  (Discovery)   (Multi-Storyline)
PoisonAlchemist's comment on 2013-03-24 10:38 PM

This is the second part of Silverfox Mill, the portion regarding characters and setting is detailed in part I and can be found under the Locations section of the citadel.

Silverfox Mill is part of the Etzem Campaign and as such is unfinished, lacking links and context for a number of things. Statistics are given with the pathfinder system in mind. 

Some ideas have been taken from Tales of Terror and others have been taken from Strolen submissions. If you wish to link or receive credit simply comment below and I will create a link compilation at the end of this submission. 

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Silverfox Mill - Part II
Plots  (Discovery)   (Multi-Storyline)
PoisonAlchemist's comment on 2013-05-28 10:42 PM
Those are very valid reservations.

I began this before I thought of joining the citadel (two years ago?), and I really have no idea what I even looked at anymore. It's all the things like Fetz's language barrier and the name "Black Anna" that I know aren't mine and are buried somewhere. If there is anything that strikes you as "Hey, that belongs to so-and-so" please tell me; that notice is a plea not a statement.

My opinion on stats is that they are an addition to and not a replacement for an idea. If I were to edit them out whomever was playing a d20 system (Pathfinder, 3.5, 3.0 etc.) and wanted to use this as a grab-and-go module would have lost something, and you as a more casual reader would have gained nothing but 100 characters of unread text. It is my personal opinion that when I am reading submissions if I can ignore the stats and have it be the same article, than they are irrelevant to the scoring. If not, then there is a problem.

I'm glad you appreciate my work, and am tickled pink you think so highly of it despite its flaws. Go to Comment
Snapdragon
NPCs  (Minor)   (Combative)
Shadoweagle's comment on 2013-03-24 08:01 PM
I like her! Her role seems flexible enough to slot onto a bunch of minor or major encounters and plots, and the background of her affliction of hatred is a nice story. It would be interesting to have her in the party, and perhaps reunite with the witch who granted her a soul to see if she had a way to patch her soul up. Go to Comment
Snapdragon
NPCs  (Minor)   (Combative)
valadaar's comment on 2013-03-26 10:21 AM
This is a neat concept and an excellent NPC. As said, she can have lots of uses, even as a backstory for a PC.
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Snapdragon
NPCs  (Minor)   (Combative)
MysticMoon's comment on 2013-03-25 11:05 AM
This is the kind of NPC that can drive a plot in so many unpredictable directions. Ally, enemy, easily underestimated; I likey.

Can someone missing such pieces of their soul know what they do not have? I imagine fear would keep Snap from taking that final step to being whole if it were actually in front of her. Wouldn't that be a death of sorts for her? Would she still be who she is afterward?

I wouldn't mind seeing more about the type of magic used by the witch and how she was able to provide some kind of soul. Was it a created soul? Some sort of trapped demon? A ghost? A patchwork of elemental or nature spirits? This is purely curiosity as the sub works fine on its own. Go to Comment
Snapdragon
NPCs  (Minor)   (Combative)
PoisonAlchemist's comment on 2013-03-22 12:18 AM

Snapdragon makes an equally good ally as adversary. She is intensely competitive in all matters and can become violent if vying for affection or approval. Her actions and words demonstrate a fundamental disconnect despite their good intent. ("Oh kitsune, if I were to rip your heart from your chest I'm sure it would beat just as red as mine!" "Dear sister, I could simply squeeze the flesh from your bones and crush them to powder.") While as a companion she is not liable to randomly lash out she is far more susceptible to mental or demonic influences. 

Snap wishes to have the holes in her soul mended, though it is not something she actively pursues. What this entails could be anything from requited love to eating the heart of a celestial, even she does not know.

Go to Comment
Snapdragon
NPCs  (Minor)   (Combative)
PoisonAlchemist's comment on 2013-03-22 12:23 PM
Blerg. Need some spitshine on the end but it's mostly done. Go to Comment
Snapdragon
NPCs  (Minor)   (Combative)
PoisonAlchemist's comment on 2013-03-24 10:44 PM
I'm glad you like her! Honestly that plot line about finding the "witch" is the most obvious one of all and it completely blew past me. Good catch. Go to Comment
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