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Sword of Huran
Items  (Melee Weapons)   (Heroic)
slartibartfast's comment on 2010-10-12 06:55 AM


I'm confused on a number of points.  is it the armor or the sword that was magical?  The sword got its magic from the armor? If Horan bequeathed Dren his armor, then why is it the sword of horan, and not the Armor of Horan?  After he downed Hek, Dren then fled?  Why was Dren after Hek?



I think this could use a little cleaning up; I'm gonna wait to vote on this...

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The Men of The March
Lifeforms  (Fauna)   (Desert)
Cheka Man's comment on 2010-10-10 07:28 PM
Only voted Go to Comment
The Men of The March
Lifeforms  (Fauna)   (Desert)
axlerowes's comment on 2010-10-13 08:04 AM


Excellent, this is sweet, it has a varied tone to the write up and a great deal of depth achieved with a conservation of language.  I could see using this as pit stop in Noir-ish style mystery.  The PC may need some knowledge that only a man of the march has and thus have to find him and break his stride at least briefly-maybe wait for eclipse or something.     


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The Men of The March
Lifeforms  (Fauna)   (Desert)
Fallen Angel's comment on 2010-10-22 03:06 AM


Sequal! Sequal!


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The Men of The March
Lifeforms  (Fauna)   (Desert)
Fallen Angel's comment on 2010-10-22 03:07 AM


Sequal! Sequal!


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The Men of The March
Lifeforms  (Fauna)   (Desert)
slartibartfast's comment on 2010-10-11 01:10 PM


Nice twist.  So this deity somehow deludes or influences people to become part of a living energy source for her?  What draws people there in the first place?  Overall, a very interesting concept, but I'd like to see it fleshed out a bit more.


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The Men of The March
Lifeforms  (Fauna)   (Desert)
Dossta's comment on 2010-10-13 03:56 PM


An evil sun deity!  Excellent.  I, too, would like to see this cult/religion fleshed out a bit more, as it already makes a very interesting read.


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The Men of The March
Lifeforms  (Fauna)   (Desert)
Ramhir's comment on 2010-10-09 10:07 AM


Cattle of the God! I don't think that the Sun God is a very nice person. Your writeup is very well done.


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Parasitic Youth
Lifeforms  (Ethereal)   (Any)
Cheka Man's comment on 2010-10-09 02:20 PM


He must have wished he had never tried to stay young.


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Parasitic Youth
Lifeforms  (Ethereal)   (Any)
Mourngrymn's comment on 2010-11-17 11:38 PM


I like it. I am one for the you give and you take away type of rewards. This one definitely has its good and its bad. However I wouldn't have made them completely helpless. Possibly because the mites are out of time, so then is their body so they always seem to move much slower than anyone else. Its not because they are feeble but they are out of sync with time. Perhaps they can even perceive things much faster being out of time sync but can not react to it as quickly. Another painful reminder of their curse of youth.


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Parasitic Youth
Lifeforms  (Ethereal)   (Any)
axlerowes's comment on 2010-10-13 07:55 AM


Once again we learn that the ticket to immortality is not worth the price of admission.  Indeed the only thing meant to live forever seems to a be repackaging of that old chestnut.    



But it seems to be a novel mechanism, and that is hard to come up with since this story has been told from the angry and scared man-child in Gilgamesh to the ennui ridden vampires (the ones that didn't date high school students). 

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Parasitic Youth
Lifeforms  (Ethereal)   (Any)
Silveressa's comment on 2011-07-27 05:08 AM


Any interesting concept, but a bit too incapacitating to be useful in a campaign unless it happens to affect an npc the chars care deeply about and begin a quest to find the cure for.



I like Mourn's idea of the mites making the afflicted move slower, since an infected character woudl still be playable, just under the effect of a permnant "slow" spell. 



 


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Parasitic Youth
Lifeforms  (Ethereal)   (Any)
Ramhir's comment on 2010-10-09 10:01 AM


Ick! A real curse for the Fountain of Youth syndrome! The only thing I would change is the Time Mites infecting the body of the nearest living being. A curse that can affect you without you doing anything is a plague, not a curse, imho. 4/5


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Parasitic Youth
Lifeforms  (Ethereal)   (Any)
PoisonAlchemist's comment on 2011-07-27 03:07 AM


There is something in particular that bugs me (haha... ha.) Im not sure how the mites work, but I think that might be better explained by why they exist. Is time itself made up of little insects? Are they parasites on time? I'm just having issues wrapping my mind around why they are what they are and why they do what they do.


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Glowing Idol of Gnashtooth
Items  (Wand/Staff/ Arcane)   (Magical)
Pieh's comment on 2010-09-22 06:10 AM
Set it to Advice Requested until I can sort it out.

I offer this advice to all: Do not post write/post entire submissions after taking sedatives. And... Always listen to EchoMirage.

Echo, I haven't always, but I have come to appreciate your words of wisdom. As biting at they seem at times, I have realized that you always try to speak you mind. And that is commendable.

*Salutes* Go to Comment
Glowing Idol of Gnashtooth
Items  (Wand/Staff/ Arcane)   (Magical)
Pieh's comment on 2010-09-22 03:30 PM
Remeron, actually. And I wasn't sleep-posting, I was just really zonked out and thought it sounded cool. As far as I know I don't get out of bed and shamble through the streets like my fishy-kin in the Innsmouth night. I will work on this one, I promise. Go to Comment
Glowing Idol of Gnashtooth
Items  (Wand/Staff/ Arcane)   (Magical)
Pieh's comment on 2010-09-22 03:52 PM
Update: Still requesting advice. What else does this one need? Go to Comment
Glowing Idol of Gnashtooth
Items  (Wand/Staff/ Arcane)   (Magical)
Pieh's comment on 2010-10-08 02:58 PM
Update: I guess it's done. Out ye go! Go to Comment
Glowing Idol of Gnashtooth
Items  (Wand/Staff/ Arcane)   (Magical)
EchoMirage's comment on 2010-09-22 02:05 AM
Actually, just enchanting random rocks means that a human simply cannot sneak past goblins, as a precise ring of blue will flare up around his position.
Improving this spell, it could release flashes of light when humans approach, dulling their eyes to the presence of goblins in the dark.

Withholding vote, this could be so much better. Go to Comment
Glowing Idol of Gnashtooth
Items  (Wand/Staff/ Arcane)   (Magical)
EchoMirage's comment on 2010-09-22 07:35 AM
Oh. You have not seen "biting" yet :D
But: always glad to be of service. Go to Comment
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