Reminds me of Death Note, in the concept of writing a persons name causing them to die. It does need some sort of backstory to go with it, a sort of where it came from an why it exists sort of thing.
How precise does the name have to be, is the full name required, or birth name, or can it work with just a first name and specific intent? Could a wizard or noble avoid this spell by having a secret true name and the public name they go by? Go to Comment
This scroll needs a backstory. Please explain how this item was made? Or who makes them? Who conseived the idea? Are they manufactured in a factory somewhere and sold to assasins? The basic idea shows promise but in my opinion this needs more work.
Like it, espescially the plot idea. Would like to hear more about the nature of Zeviah? If he hates all that is Evil, he should be the virtue of all that is good? Doesn't drink, doesn't swear etc. etc.
I also would enjoy if he had something special. Like some kind of mark in his nature that he would be recognized by? Like always saying the same word in every sentence...? Something. Go to Comment
I love "mythic, maybe one day in a hundred years we, the PC's may meet it" beings.
But this one is a little bit shallow compared to the impact it might have on the PC/world.
It's a good basis though and shows some definite promise. Go to Comment
....I don't like using angels or angel-related items. The whole Judeo-Christian theme just kind of turns me off. Not that there's anything wrong with it, but I don't think it fits into a fantasy setting. Go to Comment
I mean, the whole concept of "planes" comes from Michael Moorcock and his Elric series (I think). While I'm not saying that Moorcock's ideas were not good, they tend to take away from the "mythical-ness" of the setting.
Still, Pieh, it's a very good item. Go to Comment