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Kinslayer's comment on 2008-06-18 01:05 PM
Anti-brew Coffee

This decaf blend is specially formulated (chemically or alchemically depending on the setting) to break down alcohol within the body faster. This is frequently purchased at the end of a night of revelry to make the trip home easier & safer. Unfortunately, Anti-brew Coffee can do nothing to stop the effects of a hang-over. In fact, it brings it on full-force as the alcohol burns out of your system.

Available at most Smarmy House Coffee shops. Go to Comment
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Kinslayer's comment on 2008-06-18 01:15 PM
World's Worst Darts

This was intended to be a longer-lasting dartboard, one that wouldn't be chopped to bits after a few years of playing. They tried, but failed. It has many small holes pre-drilled into the very hard wood to catch & hold the darts. As the darts themselves didn't need to be sharp enough to stab the board, they were blunted, in theory making them much safer. The end result is a dartboard that deflects shots, either into an unwanted area, or bouncing off of the board completely. After years of such banging about, the darts are subtly bent, and do not throw very true. These factors combine to make for a very frustrating game. The more the shots fail, the harder the players throw them, and the angrier everyone becomes. Between loud curses shouted at the board, wild shots bounced into the crowd, and the general high frustration level, fights frequently break out. In some taverns, "Let's go play darts" has become a subtle substitute for, "Let's go outside (to fight)." Go to Comment
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Kinslayer's comment on 2008-06-18 01:24 PM
Evelyn's Ever-kept Casks

In games set in The Time Before Toilet Paper, refrigeration is lacking. This makes storage & transportation of beverages problematic, and skunky beer a common issue. As ales do not last as long as beer without cold storage, these problems are even worse for those drinks. To solve this, we have Evelyn's Ever-kept Cask. Through some strange science or magic, Evelyn designed a metal-wrapped cask that can preserve any beverage fresh & cold for an indefinite time--at least until it's tapped. The casks are refillable, but only Evelyn's brewery knows how to store drink within while keeping fresh. The casks--even if not the methods of creation & storing--have been sold for use by other breweries, making Evelyn's a more successful bottler than brewmaster. Go to Comment
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Kinslayer's comment on 2008-06-18 01:42 PM
Cue Stick of Beat-down

This is a fair pool cue. It's far from tournament quality, but is okay for a friendly game in a pub. However, this stick is rarely--if ever--used for anything friendly. The Cue Stick of Beat-down is dark & very heavy. The colour is darkest near the tip, and unevenly gets lighter towards the base. This isn't by design; this is due to it being smacked upside many heads, with grease, sweat, blood, and hair-care products smeared on the wood as a result. The wood is snakewood (Piratinera guianensis), and brass inlays decorate the handle. By this point in its existence, the Cue Stick of Beat-down is not easily screwed or unscrewed for easy assembly or disassembly, but that just means the owner has an excuse not to mess around with it, and can start swinging it at someone as soon as he walks into the bar. Go to Comment
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Kinslayer's comment on 2008-06-18 01:54 PM
Thunk

Thunk big. Thunk strong. Thunk heavy. Lady all love Thunk best. Thunk made of glass.

Thunk is the name of a particular large, heavy, glass mug. It is as tall as a man's forearm is long, and weighs nearly two kilograms. For some reason, some beneficial quirk of construction, the glass does not break--or even chip--even when great force is applied. From years of being slammed down on the bar, to falling to the floor as someone passes out while holding it, Thunk has survived intact. Thunk's current bar-of-residence has a special offer. Anyone who can down Thunk in one pass is allowed to use Thunk for the evening, with refills for the price of a regular draft. He or she is also allowed to refer to themselves as Thunk, and speak as indicated in the above paragraph. Go to Comment
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Chaosmark's comment on 2008-12-15 12:17 PM
Of course, if you break it over someone else's head, the bottle-head isn't left in your hand as an incriminating weapon. Go to Comment
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Chaosmark's comment on 2008-12-15 12:24 PM
The Barfighter's Barstool Mk. II

Not all bars can afford all that Fancy Furniture, and it's a rare occasion for a wizard to imbue a barstool with sentience. It's entirely common, however, for barstools to be enchanted for nigh-unbreakable durability. Such a barstool doesn't shatter and splinter when used to teach some smarmy adventurer a rough lesson in manners. Go to Comment
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Pariah's comment on 2007-06-17 09:29 PM
The Barfighter's Barstool

Crafted outta the finest ironwood, and ensorcelled to withstand the greatest blows, this seat just begs to be sat on. Given a crude intelligence one day by a drunken mage, this stool rages against it's sedentary existance and seeks to create excitement, of any kind. In addition to it's rather mundane ability to take the weight of even the heaviest and toughest adventurers, this stool also can project it's feelings and thoughts into the minds of those around it, gaining more and more power as those around it become increasingly inebriated.

Pretty soon it'll be "slipping" on the booze wet floor and causing people to trip around it, and when they fall it'll project into them to make them even more angry, hoping to stir up a nice and simple brawl. However, if you manage to ply the seat with a few drinks, it'll soon turn into a blubbering wreck and tell you its life story... "I wanted to be a sword when I grew up, but NOOOO, that wizard had to make me into a stool."

Powers
- Nigh Unbreakable
- Mildly Intelligent
- Telepathic
- Slightly Animate Go to Comment
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Pariah's comment on 2007-06-17 09:44 PM
Nyarlathotep's Brew

Said to be made in hidden stills deep in the mountain caves, with equal parts blood and corn, it isn't in fact the alchohol in these bottles that make this brew famous, but the bottles themselves. Through some perverse magics, these bottles have been made so that, if they are broken in the hand's of a sentient, they cannot be dropped unless if the lifeblood of a sentient has been spilled.

Needless to say these brews are banned in any sane city, village, hamlet, thorp, or metropolis, but lone bottles have their way of finding themselves being served under other names, and with different tastes. Go to Comment
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Murometz's comment on 2007-06-18 03:45 PM
hehe, this is a funny idea Pieh! Original and interactive.

oooh! I like the Keg of the Beast too! Go to Comment
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valadaar's comment on 2013-04-30 05:24 AM
This is great, silly, but great! Go to Comment
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Wulfhere's comment on 2007-06-18 11:40 AM
Ol' Betsy

Back when the barkeep served in the wars, he picked up his bizarre foreign weapon: "Ol' Betsy", the repeating crossbow he keeps under the bar. This cumbersome device has a removable magazine designed to hold five bolts and a complex mechanism of springs and gears to ease the tension on the string, enabling the powerful device to be quickly cocked again after firing.

The whole bizarre contraption requires almost as much care as the bartender's handlebar moustache, so the bar's regular patrons are used to the sight of Ol' Betsy laid out on the bar while the bartender services and oils his intricate weapon. Go to Comment
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Silveressa's comment on 2008-12-16 05:49 AM
Fun and imaginative. Some of these items are a little silly, but perfect for a little light hearted fun after a grueling adventure, or just for those off nights when the gm has little more planned then "a random bar scene." Go to Comment
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Silveressa's comment on 2008-12-16 06:13 AM
Beautiful Brew

Also nicknamed "one night brew," and "Maloney's makeover" after the original brew master.

Fist conceived by Maloney "Pock Mark" Mckay, a rather average overweight gentleman with bad facial scarring from a childhood sickness that had much trouble finding amicable companionship for the evenings. Before long like most men, he noticed how regular booze, when fed to gals in sufficient quantities would at times change their minds about going home with him for the evening.

Unfortunately for Maloney, the amount of booze often needed for an evening on Friday night would leave him nearly broke the rest of the following week thereafter. After some careful discussion with a local illusionist and alchemist the first of his wonderful drinks was brewed, in a specially enchanted cask.

Beautiful brew, much like the names implies, makes the imbiber appear much more handsome or beautiful then normal, the sweet fruity scent of the brew working on a subtle magical level to make them more appealing as well to both genders. (Something that can cause a fair amount of brawls and embarrassment to first time drinkers of the brew depending on their persuasions) Combined with the increased self confidence only 120 proof alcohol can provide, it helped Maloney, and in time many others, to find companionship without spending a fortune.

It has also found use among those that find their remaining options for nightly companionship dwindling in appearance, and wish to at least enjoy the illusion of a night with a girl or guy more beautiful/handsome than they can possibly imagine.

Another, less spoken of use, is by instigators of bar room brawls. A few drinks before hand and their appearance is such that no one can positively identify them later as the "one who started it." Go to Comment
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Ted's comment on 2011-03-28 03:57 PM


WINDOW OF FURIOUS SHATTERING



Upon being broken, these windows emit the loudest possible shattering sound possible, spraying shards of glass everywhere without actually hurting anyone!


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tinypoisonousfish's comment on 2010-01-09 09:46 PM
Yeah, that was my idea, improvised weapons at full proficiency, great way to go. In Arcanis there's a class called the Savonan Sensate, part charming street rake and part drunken master. Go to Comment
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tinypoisonousfish's comment on 2010-01-09 11:04 PM
Neunhauser's Stein

This handsome but burly drinking glass was made in honor of a famed local hero of times past, one Dieter Neunhauser of Landshut, a commoner who distinguished himself in the brutal War of Cantons by discovering he held the hidden talent of battle rage like the savage berserkers of old. After the war Dieter was presented with a valuable glass stein by the town brew master for saving his two sons, the sides emblazoned with the family crest, a rampant bear protecting the town walls. Unfortunately, Dieter's berserker rage also manifested when he drank heavily, and for a war hero the drinks came fast and free. One night a particularly grim bar fight broke out and Dieter shattered it on a brawny patron's head, much to his disgrace the following morning. A traveling wizard took pity on Dieter's plight and mended the broken stein with a spell, thereafter making it glassteel so it could not be shattered again. Years went by and Dieter finally passed from this life, remembered fondly by giving his stein an honored place on a shelf behind the bar. Occasionally the glass is taken down and given to honor heroes of the day and others who have distinguished themselves.

Unfortunately, what the kind wizard who mended the stein did not know was that some of Dieter's blood remained on the stein shards, sealed forever in unbreakable glass, and together with the sympathetic hero worship associated with this lauded vessel, Dieter's restless spirit has found a way to return.

Should anyone be holding Neunhauser's Stein and be inebriated or a fight break out - or any other cause for insult or fighting should come to pass - they must resist being possessed by a mild anger which will shortly turn to berserker rage should any cause whatsoever be given for a fight. Any attacks made with Neunhauser's Stein are at no penalty, the vessel doing damage as a mace. Go to Comment
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tinypoisonousfish's comment on 2010-01-10 08:54 AM
Only voted Go to Comment
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Peppe Pepis's comment on 2009-08-17 10:00 AM
Living Tables of Security and Order

'Baldhead' Mollsen was very upset when his young son decided to abandon the safe barkeeper's career and to dedicate his life to adventuring and the studying of magic. Well, after twelve years he finally changed his mind, when he received for his birthday this couple of animated tables.

They seem to be able to smell adrenaline and violence: when things get really rough these two tables jump up and roundkick anyone who doesn't freeze.
Mollsen himself is safe with his special protection amulet, of course. And, as the tables seem to be very respectful of other furniture, his tavern hasn't seen much demolition since that birthday. Go to Comment
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MysticMoon's comment on 2011-03-28 05:30 PM


I love it.


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