In the write-up for the Kazi race - "The Kazi have no wives, instead sharing the women of the tribe among themselves and their guests. Because of this family lineage is not tracked through the father but through the mother"
Here, in the write-up for their god - "Honour your father's father and your mother's mother, in them is the truth"
How could they honour their father's father when they do not keep track of paternal parentage, and indeed cannot do so since, giving their mating practices, no individual can know who his father is?
A law demanding the honour of maternal parentage is fine, it helps to cement the tribe and define who is "one of the tribe", but demanding paternal honour makes no sense.
You need to change either the culture or the rule - personally I would suggest changing the rule and leaving the culture alone
You're so demanding, you know that Moon. First you demand originality, then you demand usability, then you start saying that it needs to look nice. What next, do you want me to have little green demon things dancing around it? Go to Comment
I think it is a good solid posting. I like some of the little touches of chrome, in addition to the basics.
I almost think you should expand out certain sections (as systems posts or appropriate) then delete those parts out. Those posts can stand on their own or you can make this a continuing scroll. Go to Comment
Oh you did. You just did not link them. (Suggest a submission at the botton of the page) . That would certainly improve the score in many people's mind, especially if you edit the main entry to say "GO LOOK AT THE OTHER POST..." Go to Comment
Okay. I need help on this. Mostly it's just names but...
I need a name for the bards/preists. Bard brings trecherous troubadours to mind, which is exactly what these guys are not.
I need to figure out what they call their two language too. High and Low just don't sound right to me.
And I feel like I'm missing something, I'll figure it out eventually but till then. Go to Comment
All will be made clear in time AG. There is a reason that I mentioned those, even though they seem superfluous. I thought I hate kinda cut them out but I guess I missed that. My submission on their weapons might make it a bit clearer. Go to Comment
The posts come clear when you read the suggested submissions with it, but as a stand alone post things mentioned in the other need clarification in this post as well. I hadn't read the two others so the following things came up.
-If little is truly known about this cult, then why are they such a high target of violence? From their description the only thing against them is their cryptic beliefs that nobody really understands. They don't do anything but sleep so why are they so 'evil' that they can never escape prosecution.
-The tears need to be expanded on too. A) Why would anybody want to buy their tears in the first place? B) If they are always having to hide and any group is quickly destroyed by those that hate them then how would they sell their tears and who would buy them?
Now, following the links I begin to understand the power of the tears so you should lightly explain the tears a little bit and link to them inside your post so we know there is more. Same with the reason they are hated. Since this is THE submission for the Dreamer's Cult these things should definately be at least mentioned with links providing the in depth explanation.
All together they make perfect sense, but this one as is leaves too many questions untouched expecting that we will go through and read all the suggested without hints in the submission. Once fixed it will get a solid 4 from me! Go to Comment