Define: Wampyr. Is it just pretentious for Vampire? Or is it a subtype? or is it something else.
Insert line returns between paragraphs to make them clearer to read. Big blocks of text are hard to read.
If the immortal scholar is making an "entry into a book", then such a notation should be done at the begining of the post.
The write up it self, though nicely poetic, is not very informative or very clear. That is just towards the description story aspect. I believe is its greatest flaw of this posting.
On another lesser flaw, you could give a bit more detail on the magical properties.
As written, it could not be inserted into an appropriate story with appropriate characters without a great deal of work or rewriting by the author. As written, it would be even harder to insert it into a game.
I would have to agree with what the others above have already said. The item is certainly too powerful, especially for their to be potentially 21 of them floating around. I did enjoy the writing, but as Moon said, you should make some notation at the begining to indicate that it is a journal or diary entry of some sort.
Well, POG, so essentially this does offset all the vulnerabilities of vampires?
So, it will only encourage the players who choose 'drow vampire assasins with a katana' as their character - with their sociopathic behavior, the personality change will not be apparent.
Other than that - not bad for one of the first posts - you might try to put in a few returns so that it is easier to read. Go to Comment
OK - the backstory is pretty good but the item is really just another uber-powerful, munchkin tool with no real downside
Only 1/5 for the item itself but the backstory is good enough to raise this to 2/5
Try do avoid the "Armour of Protection from All Harm" or the "Sword of Everything Slaying type of thing. Instead go for low level magical items or interesting mechanical devices and/or alchemical substances that are useful to the ordinary man. Such things are generally much more useful in the long term and do not tend to unbalance the campaign. Go to Comment
I left the item details pretty vague so that GM's can fill in the details themselves. In the context that I was thinking in when I made it up I wasn't even thinking of the munchkin aspects. The type of use I envisioned was the item being used against the players by a powerful vampire. Can run can't hide type deal. Or perhaps that it was being used by a good character who was trying to fight the vampy urges and find a cure. The character would then half to deal with the curse and possession affects.
Thanks again for the comments. It's been years since I played so I'm sure I'll need help in the "making good ideas good for games" department.
I'll probably change things so that high level clerics can detect beings who use the cloak to become invisible and do things to negate the effects. Also the cloak could also degenerate after being on the prime material plane for a certain length of time. Go to Comment
There is nothing wrong with this per se, I think it is nicely written and if a story requires an uber powerful item than it requires an uber powerful item. Rejecting something just because it is too powerful is silly. We are not talking about board games, or miniatures, we are talking about roleplaying...collective story telling or just plain story telling. On the upside just having these in the game world raises the threat level of the world. I tempted to give this a 5 just to undue all the "Citadel Dogma" comments. Go to Comment
Personally, I would keep the cloaks to their title - Daywalkers, protecting the wearer from positive energy sources including sunlight. Yes, it may make holy swords less effective, especially when combined with the Vampire's natural immunities - which are pretty powerful by themselves.
I would also make them utterly incompatible with a living wearer, as the negative energy used to provide the protection would infuse the wearer.