A beautifully executed submission. The only thing that is giving me pause is; by coating the undead in asphalt, you are removing all visual aspects that would identify them as undead. And so they might as well just be golems, why use dead bodies in the first place, unless golem technology is unavailable in this setting. Go to Comment
I must say one thing though: I find it ironical that those, who ask for tolerance in the matters of grammar often have a definitely clean writing style. (In other words, well-written. :) )
Back to the submission: the idea is very logical - the gift of magic is often not available to everyone - and well executed. It is perfectly reasonable, that many would dare to try their luck, even with such a horrible price to pay. As I was reading it, questions came to me, and were immediately answered, I like that style.
- Could there be a similar way to increase the talent of existing wizards, making them greatly powerful? Even if there isn't, somebody will try...
- I would expect, that the contract was signed _before_ the experiment - or there are actually two contracts, signed before and after, both part of a ritual that binds the subjects to their words.
- You can bet that there will be someone created with an unusual talent, that the Clinic is not able to contain right away... who will catch the fugitive, before the word gets out?
I'm not sure if I would use it, but thanks to the ideas presented here I can certainly think about it. All in all, a solid first submission! Great work, Ouroboros. Welcome to the fold. Go to Comment
As mentioned above, I could use this, or a derivative, in a number of settings, up to and including the one I run most often... which is the Shadowrun fantasy/cyberpunk blend. There would have to be alterations to the fine details, ramp up the failure rate, despite a medium magic world, and probably cranial bombs, but, y'know, it can be used just about anywhere you'd want to be a mage and aren't. Go to Comment
I think that this is a great first-submission indeed. One thing though, after the "experiment"- Have they gained the potential to become mages with the studies it involves, or are they automatically spellcasters?
I noticed that the style was somewhat dry, but I think it suited the post well. I still had a vivid imagery while reading it. The Tank was a horror-like and dark touch in my opinion. Go to Comment
Agree with Manfred - very solid first post and the writing is clear and well written.
I think this one would be easier to use - less campaign changing - if it is a short-term thing - something horrible eventually happens to make it not a real option.
Reminds me of the magic weapons given by the Ten-slayer in Thieves world - provides magical power, though are generally all 'monkeys paw' type in cost. Go to Comment
OK, guys, this is my first post on the Citadel. I´ve been lurking here for several years, though, and thought it was my turn to contribute something. Although I am primarily a writer, I did DM a lot back in the 90´s.
As for this submission, I wanted to achieve a condensed, dry academic style, almost like a peer-reviewed scientific paper.
Oh, and please dont rip me a new one if there´s some grammatical error - english is not my native tounge...:-)
My friends, this is what happens when you play too much Kult RPG....I´m after a dark, gritty feel, similar to the one from Steven Erikson´s or China Mieville´s books. Like Cheka Man assumed, the setting that spawned this submission is low-magic steam-fantasy-like. Most magics are minor cantrips, limited premonitions etc.
Truly powerful practitioners are exceedingly rare, most are hedge-wizards, witch-doctors and the like.
However, magic are an integrated part of society and technology - steam engines usually have magic sigil stamped into their moving parts to enhance power output and structural integrity, muskets have power runes carved into stock and barrel to enhance muzzle velocity and accuracy...and so on and so forth...
Anyway, this is one of these wayward ideas that will probably never see "official" use, but helps set the tone for one´s own writing.
I have got several good suggestions from this, I´ll mull over it a bit and change it accordingly...Thanks guys!