I like the idea of guardians that are not the typical giant monster, in the 5 room dungeon set-up, which this fills nicely. Also the potential for it to be an entire dungeon in itself, or just to add difficulty to a dungeon is great.
Very clever and flavorful, in the right environment this would be a way to make the cold and ice much more than window dressing.
This is a great idea. I really like the idea of a doorway that you can get lost in and the description of passing through it is imaginative and gripping. How do you make one of these gates or who made these gates? Where can you find them and can they only exist at freezing temperatures? Are they created in place or movable? Also, I would love to hear more about this dungeon.
Great, functional transportation item. I wonder, though, if the ruby heart is magically stuck to the door, how does the user retrieve it? After closing the door, the heart could be thousands of miles away. That might make for some interesting twistiness.
I'm enamored of the first sentence. "The Ruby Heart is the fastest way to get home," is perfectly succicinct, and has that folksy fairy-tale ring to it that I love.
Could you use a similiar supernatural technology or technique to make slippers?
I think you could/should cut some words out of the first four sentences and then describe what happens when the magic is employed in a little more detail.
Does the silver heart burning out mean you only use it once? Does the enchanted distant door look like the ruby door, how many people can pass through it, how long can it stay open and what can you see through the open door? If the magic isn't too obvious: clever players would trick people into passing through it or drop ex-wvies or monsters into the rooms of the unpopular or evil.
The power of the crown is what it is. Nothing to linger on, but everything else in this sub is fun and clever.
I liked the crown's physical description for starters. It builds to a nice crescendo of "impossible puzzle of precious metals".
Pink and Blue are great, laughed out loud a few times, as I read it.
I actually find myself liking and wanting to use the mini-setting you created around this crown! The lazy, fat bear-king, blue and pink, showing off their distaste for nobility with garish-colored beards, the dwarven poet dwohn dwunn (best line, that one!), dwarven teamster guilds, the "notorious mercenary sage and bard" Anoikis, (the "Meddler" some dwarves call him, others, the "Facilitator") and groemdegger stout! (that'll be 2 silver pieces, i'll pm you my address)
You seem be trying for a flippant and comical tone with the origin story here, but I feel like you haven’t really committed to it. I suggest changing the open line to directly address the character of Garim Darnore (instead of the side long view you have now) and also use that line to set the tone. For example a bawdy take on that might be
“King Garim Darnore was so fat that when he invoked the royal We, you were forced to consider whether or not he was hiding the entire royal line under robes. Certainly a man of his stature took up both side of family tree.”
Please if you go that route, find better route than those stale jokes.
Or try in pull in both sides of his character in that opening. Consider something like “Before becoming King, Garim Darnoe had strangled Bawlor the great river demon with his bear hands, bested the Helk the Hatceht in single combat, led the conquest of Island of Crueloar, alone saved the great Red Kraken from the God’s Wrath tsunami by dragging it 3 miles back to the ocean and single handedly resisted a 2 month goblin siege of his family diamond mine with only a dagger, a loaf of meat bread and a cask of whiskey. When he ascended to his throne he swore that he would tax sparingly, encourage freedom, rule without aggression and only leave his throne when his realm was threatened. Nobody had expected him to embody such a literal interpretation of that last point.”
The point of your story is that crown was designed not for military uses or romantic rendezvous, but to help a fat lazy rich guy get around his enormous house. I get that and it is funny. Play to the funny.
Also the powers section is kind of vague. Do you actually meld into the stone and step out? Can you hang out there for awhile if you want? Do the stones have to be connected?
Dungeons (Tundra/ Arctic) (Doors)