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Winter's Gem
Items  (Jewelry)   (Sentient)
Eric the Grey's comment on 2013-10-12 12:28 PM
I loved the narrative you've put behind this gem. I hope to see stories for the rest.

As to use in game, I can see some extremely difficult times acquiring the gem and putting an end to the storm. Go to Comment
Winter's Gem
Items  (Jewelry)   (Sentient)
Longspeak's comment on 2013-09-16 01:03 PM
Nearly perfect. Well-written, I love the tone; and the tale, and I can easily this in one of my Everway games. Quite soon. Go to Comment
Refuge Beneath the Waves
Locations  (Regional)   (Water)
Shadoweagle's comment on 2013-09-10 01:09 AM
So cool, Moon. You've re-created a post-apocalyptic world under the sea; have you played Bioshock? It seems to have influences of it in here.

I'm sure each settlement will become more and more unique as time goes on, with their own lifestyles and superstitions - the ones without rail access will probably become especially eccentric with less access to other folk. This way, new religions and cults and societies can be forged out of the settlements; if the pcs have to visit a settlement that has been isolated for decades they may find themselves attacked as heretics!

You've flipped the world upside down with this: as the sea becomes more well known and mapped, it is the land which becomes like the ocean, unexplored and mysterious! Go to Comment
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Scrasamax's comment on 2013-09-10 01:30 PM
Interesting, the parallels to nuclear power and petroleum are well grounded and the writing and formatting are crisp. There are a few typos but nothing too distracting.

Well thought out. Go to Comment
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Locations  (Regional)   (Water)
Cheka Man's comment on 2013-10-06 12:28 PM
A water-world. Go to Comment
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Murometz's comment on 2013-09-12 11:48 AM
Reads like a fantasy-world's version (polemic) of the discovery of atomic power, as Scras mentions. That part of it for me, seems to be laid on a little thick, BUT, i LOVE the brave new underwater world you've created here! Some very original ideas and images. Go to Comment
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axlerowes's comment on 2014-03-12 10:57 AM


This is really great, I kept asking questions about the history, the war and technology as I went and kept getting answers. This really well done (I have never played Bioshock) and has a lot of great ideas in it. This could be used as an Alien world, an alternate reality or just adapted for society in which everyone is told the surface is poisoned by the oppressive oligarchy. Yet this deserves more.



1) Visuals I would wager most readers picture a somewhat Victorian or Edwardian aesthetic in the place. However, that is never discussed. We don't get a clear visual of the people in this place and I loathe to use preconceived notions in such a fantastical setting. I would also wager that at least 25% (by word count not by topic) of all steam punk fiction is dedicated to fashion, so that seems missing from this, and it could be a fun addition.



2) Culture We also get an incomplete picture of the culture and day to day life. There are a lot of strong hints at an oligarchy of rich hereditary industrialists and an oppressed and tormented but educated underclass subjected to strict social planning. I think a government and economics section could be interesting and expansive. But perhaps you don't want to state the social economic relationship specifically, and that is fine, and I get it. But some more hints would give us a better feel for this place. What kind of people do these dome dwellers chose to celebrate? What sort of media (as extrapolation of the stage play musicals) do they consume? Are there population control issues? Do they smoke? I feel like this piece and this world would be better benefited by a direct discussion of these items or few more hints and details. (I like the hints at culture myself)



ABWB

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valadaar's comment on 2013-09-16 11:25 AM
It shares some themes with Bioshock (I and II, concerning the undersea city Rapture), but the circumstances are very different.

I think this is a good start, it lays out the groundwork for additional work.

I found the descriptions of the vehicles rather mundane and not really fitting in with the grander scale of the rest of the submission. I'd have sooner seen more details about the people since the root technology and location was covered. Go to Comment
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Silveressa's comment on 2014-03-01 09:34 PM
It took me a while to read through hence the late commentary, but this definitely reminds me of the Bioshock series, (with a hint of Blue Planet) which only adds to the feeling of familiarity yet with it's own unique changes.

This is one of those settings that gab me and make me want to run a campaign and explore the concepts more thoroughly.

With it being set underwater it also makes this easy enough to plug into most other steampunk settings as a "hidden world" no one on the surface was even aware existed.

With a little work it can be adapted to sci-fi or post apocalypse settings easily enough as well.

5/5 and a HoH, really loved reading this one! Go to Comment
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Aramax's comment on 2015-01-30 11:02 AM
I've never found steampunk in the least interesting, that is until today.As a genre, I've avoided it like the plague. Also hate undersea crap. Yet I'm giving you a 5/5 for this.
You've made me think differently about both aspects of gaming. I see the possibility of expanding this into a Space:1888, The Search for Home.I'd love to read add'l subs on this world! Go to Comment
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Kassy's comment on 2014-06-14 06:51 AM


Woo! This is amazing stuff Mystic!



4.5/5 + Gold + Fav'd

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MysticMoon's comment on 2013-09-10 06:54 AM

I have not played Bioshock, but I'm thinking that I have to now that I know what it is :)

I like those ideas; they certainly fit into the tone I was going for.

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MysticMoon's comment on 2013-09-10 03:25 PM

I debated about including information on the weaponization of Kalleum but I decided to leave it vague. It's something lost to their past and something they wish to put far behind them.

Basically, they found a way of launching it from a type of cannon and then having it explode over the enemy into a fine powder, along with some other compounds. It would ignite anything with fair amounts of water, such as animals and plants. After burning through the bodies it would disburse and drift into the air again (which was not intended.)

The problem was that it disbursed too well. In small amounts it would enter through any accessible membrane or opening and burn up whatever it touched. In these minute amounts it would still leave much of the corpse intact before finding its way out into the air again, acting more as a catalyst than something that would burn out.

It's possible that after another few hundred years it will eventually end up in an inert state.

Go to Comment
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MysticMoon's comment on 2013-10-05 12:29 AM
Update: Made a number of corrections and tweaks. Also expanded it a bit. Go to Comment
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MysticMoon's comment on 2014-03-12 11:54 AM
Thanks, that's some really great feedback. I plan to do some major expansions to this setting and these kinds of questions/points will help me do that. Go to Comment
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caesar193's comment on 2013-09-10 02:55 PM
How did they weaponize the Kalleum? I may have missed it, but I'm fairly sure that you went from saying how helpful it is to discussing bloated corpses and how Kalleum was in the air. I guess I'd just like a paragraph saying that the government did X, Y, and Z to kalleum, and it now kills people because of A, B, and C.

Other than that, my other question lies in why its still dangerous to hang around up on the surface. It would seem to me that the Kalleum would eventually de-weaponize or go inert somehow. I'm not sure how that would occur, given my first question, but as it was made by man, it'll eventually crumble, or the amounts of it in the atmosphere would lower enough that travel on the surface would be safe.

But it was good. Well-thought out, well-formatted, etc. 4/5 Go to Comment
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knowman's comment on 2013-09-10 08:38 AM
One of the better explanations/rationale of a Steampunk world that I've seen. Well done! Go to Comment
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Gossamer's comment on 2013-09-11 12:06 PM
Like I said before, you use some very painting language, in lack of better words. I enjoyed this one, it's not quite a full score, but it's very close. Probably due to the fact that you rushed it a bit. For instance, the travel section could have been fleshed out more. These subaquatic vehicles, are they free to use for everyone, does people own private ones, and how common are they?

Speaking of weaponizing Kalleum, could it be used in zap-guns or tasers?

Also, here's a complimentary typo:

Though they p the threat down to the populace, many had already begun to bolster their militaries Go to Comment
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Lady Wolf's comment on 2014-10-25 12:07 AM
Slick, feels more like the beginnings of a sourcebook than a mere submission, with enough detail for any GM to easily grab'n go with this as filler for a new location for a current campaign arc, or to run a short lived one shot and explore the steam punk genre with their group

If you ever do a pbp game using this, count me in!

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30 Setting Hooks
Locations  (World)   (Any)
Aramax's comment on 2015-02-27 07:16 AM
you should 'launch' this! Go to Comment
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