I love the rampant exponential growth. The chimera has lots of potential. I mentioned most of my thoughts in my reply above. In my humble opinion, the chimera might be better suited to be setting-independent. The futuristic "rich vs. poor" and "dying planet" settings seem like they could be completely independent of the chimera. But that said, breeding a hideous monster to protect rich people is pretty sweet.

Lastly, I would give armor plating to the brood mother (the original chimera) and maybe some other cybernetic enhancements. This would make her nearly unstoppable while her offspring are still able to be killed. In my mind, rich people with big labs breeding big monsters would have big fail-safes in place. Armor plating, mounted lasers, muscle augmentations, "adamantium" claws, or any face-palm worthy B-movie monster ridiculousness would make the compound-destroying rampage more believable. In addition, it would make for an epic boss fight. Go to Comment

I like it, though i do have one problem with the history of the Chimera. Animals require lots of resources (food, shelter, etc) to keep. And, with resources running out, people simply wouldn't be able to keep animals. And no one would even consider breeding a such a big beast as the Chimera Prototype MK-XXIII. Such a beast, even before it went on an unforeseeable rampage, would require lots of resources, especially if its constantly spawning more creatures, that, in turn, require resources. A creature like that would need a huge,+30 foot high living area, which would require either metal (which they wouldn't have in a resource-less world) or wood (which they also wouldn't have).
I like the idea, which is why i'm giving it a 4/5 Go to Comment

A very good piece of work, if I was to offer some advice to improve it I would add a few interesting NPC locals, and just because this is how I roll, something really hideous and unexpected from the locals, like using criminals as bait for ghoul hunters, or some local superstitions about how to repel ghouls, or how to avoid them. Go to Comment

Do those injured by ghouls become ghouls or is it just supersition that makes those wounded by ghouls be hanged? Go to Comment

Only voted Go to Comment

I think it an interesting realm, but it feels very artificial.

To me the behaviour of the humans seems odd. Given this type of threat, I would expect quick consolidation into heavily fortified camps, with constantly posted guards. They may have started out idyllic, but the humans I know would rail against this quickly. Ghouls would not be entering people's houses in the middle of the night unless they already cut through defences. Those outside fortified walls would be being plain silly, or kept out by those with walls - not once the nature of the threat became clear.

Why would they not burn every corpse? I would expect this would prevent ghoul reproduction pretty quickly.

Its cool, but the population's reaction to its situation seems off to me.



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Np - i personally hate those types of people. I can't my head around some of those beliefs and such defeatists bring my blood to a boil. :)

 

Also, having read much of game of thrones recently, my head is filled with characters of brutal pragmatism.

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A solid sub, and a good read. Go to Comment

I like the combo of idyllic surroundings and the ghoul threat in this piece. I'm a bit torn over what score to give this, though, deciding b/w a 3.5 and a 4. Once I decide, will come back and give an actual vote. Go to Comment

I think this sub is a quality one in terms of both completeness and write-up. Why I have a struggle over the score is that all the way up until the last paragraph, I'm inclined to give this sub a 3.5 but the last section I definitely like and think should be graded a 4.

For me, 3.5 is a score I reserve for subs being of better overall quality than the average 'solid' benchmark sub whereas for me a 4 is clearly above the average. In this instance, I think why I think this way is that I like how your wrote up your version of an idyllic place with hidden threat and yet, this version still doesn't distinguish itself from other potential versions of this idea in a way that makes it entirely refreshing. Having said that, though, I also feel like that in the sections I said I would give 3.5, I can find snippets that is clearly deserving of a higher score than just 3.5. For example, I quite like the starting blockquote on how the common people re-interpret the Sundering as a divine-created event and it's quite close to a 4 to me.

I'm afraid that my comment isn't really useful in helpful you to identify what you could possibly improve on. This seems more like me rambling on about what I liked more and what I liked less about various bits of this sub. Anyway, at least now I've vaguely pinpointed key areas that give rise to the score conflict.
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I like the added blockquotes. I think now the uniqueness of the place stands out more and I can with certainty give this a 4. Go to Comment

I like this quite a lot. To me, it kinda feels like what living in a Minecraft world would be like, with the render distance set to "short". A campaign based around stitching the sundered worlds back together would be really interesting. I can imagine the moral dilemma would be similar to Star Trek's Prime Directive, since these people would probably not be ready to face hundreds of other peoples with divergent cultures and climes.

If this world was rejoined with the others, would the ghouls disappear? Go to Comment

I really hope you do that, because I'd love to read about more of these. Go to Comment

What do you feel is the tipping point between those scores? Does it need more detail? Did I overlook some aspect of the area? Is the tone too dry? Go to Comment

I find that feedback very helpful. I'm not as worried about the vote as I am curious about what you thought worked vs what could be improved. To me a vote means that it was at least interesting enough to finish reading (I consider it a personal win if the reader didn't fall asleep while working through it ;). Detailed feedback, OTOH, helps me improve my writing overall. So thank you for that. Go to Comment

Update: I added a few more blockquotes with narrative to better illustrate the situation with the ghouls and to incorporate some of the feedback from Moonlake and Scras. Go to Comment

The injured do become ghouls, but the requirement that they be hanged and the corpse mutilated is purely superstition and desperation. Go to Comment

Part of my master plan is to create adventures to go with each of these realms and flesh out the full campaign. For Brocschtal I will really get into the makeup of the locals.They are a stodgy, intolerant bunch and will most certainly fight any attempts to patch up their world. They have 3,000 years of belief in the rest of the world falling to divine wrath. No way would they let their most precious religious icon be used to do *anything* to their small realm. Scras's suggestion about superstition will really come in handy there. What could solidify superstitious beliefs faster than death that comes without warning or predictable pattern?

Of course, if the PCs were to find a way to completely rid them of their ghoul problem... some of them might just be open to new ideas.

And the comparison with the Prime Directive brings up a good point. Will the PCs be making the world a better place by repairing it? Best to keep them ignorant of the consequences until they've already begun the process. (Cue evil GM laughter) Go to Comment

The scenario you propose is one way that things could have gone down and would have made more sense from a survival standpoint. In this case, though, it all boils down to belief. They believed that the gods spared them for being a certain way and so they will continue on that way regardless of the hardships they face. In fact they pride themselves on being simple farmers and a stoic people. They don't burn the bodies for the same reason they don't move the graveyards: "The gods will know something is up if we move the graves too far from the village. The priests ordained long ago that the dead can't find their rest if they lay too far from their living kin. Best to keep things as they are." In addition, "They are not completely mindless and have learned to thwart every locked gate and barred door." The ghouls find ways through every barrier. The nights are completely dark and the people can only burn so many fires for light.

When the rest of the world was ripped away and in their terror the people of Brocschtal decided to respond by blaming the gods, they set the tone for their society. Rather let a few perish here and there than risk everyone else in a cataclysm. What made the gods decide to let them live? Could they know? So they keep to their traditions and continue to fear the dark.

As far as putting up with the killings, collectively they feel that it really isn't *that bad*. Every so often a few people from one village out of many is taken. The rest of the time they have plenty of food, a pleasant climate, and strong communities with hardly any crime. And they do try to fight the ghouls by hunting them and through the use of various (ineffective) herbs and rituals.

People can get used to quite a lot and sometimes make very irrational choices. Women stay with abusive husbands rather than break the sacred bond of marriage. People die from cancer that could have been cured with modern medicine. I have a morbid fascination with this phenomemon and have witnessed it in action in many ways. I see this society as a natural offshoot of that way of thinking. Go to Comment

I just wanted to add that I appreciate your comment. It made me take a step back and analyze their motivations. It helped me understand why I'd written them the way I did. Go to Comment