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Less enthusiastic than Cheka, I must criticize - there are several gods that are just... templates. The Crafter, the Wren musician, barbarian river and storm god. What's new in those? What about the goddess that's simply a non-descript mother to other gods? Does she deserve her own 30-entry?

Also, consider always when making a pantheon: will it cover all the divine roles said culture needs to fill? If not, something's missing.

On the bright side, some like the Unnamed God who fights himself and all others too is brilliant. Caylin the Moon is also a beautiful idea. Make more on the level of those!

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Well, they should be usable right out of the box.
So, if the Echo needs a god for a campaign and is not especially picky, he should be able to go to a 30 Gods post and steal, I mean get inspired.

As for To-Kah, that she had not real description in the Sumerian legends is one thing, adding your own touch and making her special another. Like, saying her belly is actually a huge rosebud that opens whenever a new godling is born. Or giving her a penchant for making mortals drunk with her milk, which angers another god to no end. A plant may be sacred to her, and that plant actually produces a powerful drug called ToKah's Milk.

A 2 minute effort (gosh, I should be less lazy and invest 2 minutes more often >.<).

So, my hint would be: pick out the more interesting gods to post first! Go to Comment

Very enjoyable to read.

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In like with what Echo and Val said, in a lot of ways this is a slightly more elaborate divine template for a pantheon rather than a fully fleshed out one. But as is, I find it both useful and creative. Go to Comment

A good selection of gods , though perhaps the '30' title brings with it some expectations such as Echo's.

Me, I found a god named Mater somewhat distracting, due to having seen the Cars movie an inhuman number of times. :)


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Its a small critique, but I was reading the Moravar entry and you make two references to foxes in subsequent sentences.

"...His eyes are dark, his features narrow and fox-like. He is as silent as the hare and as cunning as the fox."

I like the image you are trying to paint, but this made me stop for a second and kind of muddied the water for me. Maybe try using other animals to compare him to?

For what it is worth, I don't think of a fox as a hunter but more of something that is hunted. You might get the same imagery by comparing his features to a wolf or even an ocelot/leopard.

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I agree with previous comments on this sub being sort of inconsistent in terms of originality and length of the different god entities. However, I did get a sense of this sub being useful for portraying the different cultures even before I read the dialogue b/w Echo and the author. So my vote is on the higher end. Go to Comment

Update: This could use some polishing up but it's been sitting around for a few months, so I figured I'd just throw it out there. Go to Comment

Thanks for the good feedback, Echo. It helps to know what works and what doesn't.

I probably didn't make this clear enough in the summary, but these are only a small sampling of all the gods of Tirexia, so most of the pantheons (panthea?) are incomplete. To do the whole list would probably require a "101 Gods" submission (*shudders*). I did this mostly as a first attempt at a 30, and I can see how difficult it is to come up with 30 completely fresh ideas. So, I used some of the "template" gods to paint a picture about the culture rather than try to be completely original. (I swear I was being creative and not just lazy. Now stop looking at me like that....)

I recognize that I could have fleshed out some of the gods better and I had all kinds of grandiose plans to do so. Priesthoods, popular myth stories, etc. But this sub sat on my machine untouched for a few months, so I figured I'd throw it up here and move on. (BTW, To-Kah was my take on the Sumerian Ninhursag/Ka, who didn't appear to do much outside of making baby gods with the sky god An; at least as far as I could find.) Go to Comment

Good catch on the double fox thing. Bad editing on my part.

Foxes are actually very good hunters; they are a very determined and clever animal. With Moravar I was going more for showing him as a clever hunter rather than being part of a pack mentality, as wolves do. Moravar looks favorably upon the lone hunter who can prove his intelligence rather than brute force when taking down prey. Go to Comment

I almost love this. It reminds me of that old Attack of the Giant Leeches horror movie, a true classic, and that helps make the idea of giant man-eating leeches appear readily in my mind. I want more though. This is a great write-up, but it feels like it lacks the scope of an entire planet rules by the Leech Lords. What of thier living arrangements? Is the planet's physical appearance similar to Dagobah's? ...And similar questions should be answered. As a final thought, what I reaaaally want, is some fluff on the subject. Maybe some Leechish philosophical musings? Or an example conversation between Hume and Human? More plot hooks would be lovely as well.

It's very nice as is, the idea itself is great and useable, but I feel like it lacks the "artistic flair to set it apart."

Good work.

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 Given a space-operish setting, I don't think a great deal of elaboration needs added, though as your sci-fi gets harder, these questions definately need fleshed out.

Though, I also think they too strongly resemble humans in their mindset.

 

 

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A fun addition to the "lifeforms" area of the citadel, and over all it gives enough info to be readly useable within a few moments of reading.

I second Pieh's ideas on how to further enhance the piece, and would also enjoy a bit more about ther culture and if they ever went to war against each other or arose as a unified consciousness. (What weapons psychic leeches would come up with could prove impressive.)

(On a small side note, leeches are generally hermaphrodites, it would have been interesting to see this concept used in the sub, but the way it is done works just as well.)

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I have to agree with all above comments. The "artistic flair to really set it apart" may be missing, but as it is, it's sweet, useful and to the point.
Adding a handful of "persons" into the sub could be what's missing, say, a certain elder, a prophet, a leech (mentally) out of order, etc.

Also, I think a society like their's, fixed on philosophy would provide for incredible roleplaying opportunities, as their minds should be literally alien from the PC's... Go to Comment

Fair enough. I'll see what I can cook up.

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Ah, but these are space leeches. Different stock entirely :)

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You only say that because you don't see the genius of my writing.

Wait, no. That's not it. ;)

This should make more sense once I've expanded it. I think I released it into the wild before it had a chance to fully mature.

It might help to picture an old-time, campy sci-fi movie when reading this: men in green rubber suits, children in poor monkey costumes, intrepid explorers with bubble helmets and ray guns.

In all seriousness, I appreciate the thoughtful criticism. I'm here to learn and such feedback is essential to that process. Go to Comment

It is quite servicable and well written, but I feel it could be something better. I don't want to be too critical, but I feel no uniqueness since its entirety is "What if humans were leeches?" It is a typically structured patriarchal society, but why? How did they develop brains and psychic powers instead of more developed tentacles? Why do they value philosophy so much, does it expland their psychic powers? Why were they not overtaken by the humes eons ago since they are showing capacity for rapid intellectual growth? What I think this post is missing is how and why a world run by leeches is different from the one run by humans. 

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