Strolen\s Citadel content. 
Giant Psychic Leech Lords from Outer Space
Lifeforms  (Intelligent Species)   (Swamp)
PoisonAlchemist's comment on 2011-07-21 02:53 AM


It is quite servicable and well written, but I feel it could be something better. I don't want to be too critical, but I feel no uniqueness since its entirety is "What if humans were leeches?" It is a typically structured patriarchal society, but why? How did they develop brains and psychic powers instead of more developed tentacles? Why do they value philosophy so much, does it expland their psychic powers? Why were they not overtaken by the humes eons ago since they are showing capacity for rapid intellectual growth? What I think this post is missing is how and why a world run by leeches is different from the one run by humans. 


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The Leech Cloth, or The Cloth of Souls
Items  (Other)   (Magical)
Strolen's comment on 2011-08-14 08:06 AM


The cloth is pretty neat but I will say that the blood duelist part is what sticks out in my mind with. That is a pretty cool idea.


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The Leech Cloth, or The Cloth of Souls
Items  (Other)   (Magical)
EchoMirage's comment on 2011-07-19 07:14 AM


Very good writing, and the "blood duelist" idea is great. Likewise would I like to hear of the origin of the cloth!


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The Leech Cloth, or The Cloth of Souls
Items  (Other)   (Magical)
Cheka Man's comment on 2011-07-18 04:37 PM


I would not touch that cloth,that's for sure. 5/5


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The Leech Cloth, or The Cloth of Souls
Items  (Other)   (Magical)
Murometz's comment on 2012-10-15 03:36 PM
Very good! And inspiring. I'm stealing Blood Duelists! Go to Comment
The Leech Cloth, or The Cloth of Souls
Items  (Other)   (Magical)
chilled's comment on 2012-06-10 08:27 AM
Only voted Go to Comment
The Leech Cloth, or The Cloth of Souls
Items  (Other)   (Magical)
axlerowes's comment on 2012-03-03 05:39 PM


I am shocked: this is really heads and shoulders better than most of the RPG stuff I have ever read.  The item is what it is and so what, as Lagantha might say, but the prose just flows so easily and your tone is so conversational that it draws us in.  A good read.



I would like to link this to the fantasy fabrics codex if you don't mind. 


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The Leech Cloth, or The Cloth of Souls
Items  (Other)   (Magical)
Silveressa's comment on 2011-07-19 05:30 PM


Memorable, and intriuging, I would of enjoyed a more in depth retelling of Tibers fight with The Hounds of Blood, it would be a memorable battle to be sure!



The addition of the origns of the cloth really helped bring the piece togther for me, and gave it a bit of "legendary" status. I can see a few adventures involvign a scholar/wizard attempting to uncover these origins for either intellectual, or more nefarious means.



I also noticed the hint at the origins of Blood Duelists, any chance of seeing this as a seperate sub?



 


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The Leech Cloth, or The Cloth of Souls
Items  (Other)   (Magical)
Silveressa's comment on 2011-07-19 11:49 PM


I like the addition of the blood duelist history, rounds out the piece nicely :)

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The Leech Cloth, or The Cloth of Souls
Items  (Other)   (Magical)
Moonlake's comment on 2012-07-18 01:06 AM
A very engaging piece, good work. Go to Comment
The Leech Cloth, or The Cloth of Souls
Items  (Other)   (Magical)
MysticMoon's comment on 2011-07-19 09:37 AM
Update: As requested, I have added the origin of the cloth. Go to Comment
The Leech Cloth, or The Cloth of Souls
Items  (Other)   (Magical)
MysticMoon's comment on 2011-07-19 05:47 PM
It wasn't much of a battle. More a test of endurance. As in, can he live through being gnawed on while the sands of the hourglass fall? I was trying to paint just enough of a picture to let the reader fill in the gaps and it seemed more inline with the voice of the narrator to skip over the more gruesome parts.

I'll see what I can do about the origins of the Blood Duelist. It might fit best as an idea scroll. Go to Comment
The Leech Cloth, or The Cloth of Souls
Items  (Other)   (Magical)
MysticMoon's comment on 2011-07-19 11:30 PM


History of the Blood Duelist



In elder days gone by, when the world still lived in barbarity, and civilization was a new word upon the lips of man, dogs were considered to be protectors sent down by the gods. Over time the idea of protector became broader until it encompassed judgements passed upon dangerous criminals.



Dogs who were no longer capable of hunting or guarding were put to use as executioners for those convicted of violent crimes. The condemned would be bound to posts and set upon by the dogs until dead.



One such condemned man was found guilty of murder, even though all knew it was in self defense against the thug of a rich man. Unable to bear the thought of his son being torn apart by dogs, the man’s father pled to be executed instead, saying, “Let me duel the gods of judgement for my son’s life.” An allowance was made, with the added condition that if he were to survive for a set amount of time, his son would be set free.



Thus began the tradition of the Blood Duelist.


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The Leech Cloth, or The Cloth of Souls
Items  (Other)   (Magical)
PoisonAlchemist's comment on 2011-07-18 06:11 PM


I agree with Cheka. I would be more interested in a story of how the cloth came into being than how it was found, but the writing and the idea is great.


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Pocket Realms of The Sundered World
Locations  (World)   (Any)
Strolen's comment on 2011-06-02 10:35 AM


Not sure why there aren't any comments but I couldn't take seeing it without anymore. 



Fairly basic creationalism with all the race stereotypes. That might be why the lack of comments. I will admit I haven't dug into the others but this just doesn't draw me in. There is no hook or uniqueness that really sets it apart and it makes it difficult to comment on.



I am certain once I dig farther there will be those things, but this main post doesn't draw me in.


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Pocket Realms of The Sundered World
Locations  (World)   (Any)
valadaar's comment on 2014-04-02 07:12 PM
Perhaps using this sub to detail the Crystal Tower would the best use of this Codex - nothing stops it from using that configuration and avoids this one being some utilitarian gathering point.
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Pocket Realms of The Sundered World
Locations  (World)   (Any)
Aramax's comment on 2014-10-10 10:44 AM
3.5 great cocept needs more entries, would love to up vote this!!!!!!!! Go to Comment
Pocket Realms of The Sundered World
Locations  (World)   (Any)
MysticMoon's comment on 2011-06-02 11:09 AM
Yeah, I wasn't expecting much on this one until I'd written up more realms. The one I've been working on (Anquocia) seemed a little blah, which was why I put it in Requesting Advice. Between feedback on that, helpful chats, and responses in Sagely Advice, I believe I will be able to deliver more creative realms. Due to outside time constraints ( which I'm sure everyone is familiar with :) ), it is taking me far longer than I expected to get to this. Go to Comment
Pocket Realms of The Sundered World
Locations  (World)   (Any)
MysticMoon's comment on 2011-06-02 11:43 AM
Forgot to mention this, but I take your point on making the Codex itself more interesting. Go to Comment
Pocket Realms of The Sundered World
Locations  (World)   (Any)
MysticMoon's comment on 2014-10-10 11:44 AM
This has been on the backburner for a long time now, but someday... Go to Comment
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