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30 Gods of Tirexia
Systems  (Divine/ Spirit)   (General)
MysticMoon's comment on 2011-11-30 08:21 AM
Thanks for the good feedback, Echo. It helps to know what works and what doesn't.

I probably didn't make this clear enough in the summary, but these are only a small sampling of all the gods of Tirexia, so most of the pantheons (panthea?) are incomplete. To do the whole list would probably require a "101 Gods" submission (*shudders*). I did this mostly as a first attempt at a 30, and I can see how difficult it is to come up with 30 completely fresh ideas. So, I used some of the "template" gods to paint a picture about the culture rather than try to be completely original. (I swear I was being creative and not just lazy. Now stop looking at me like that....)

I recognize that I could have fleshed out some of the gods better and I had all kinds of grandiose plans to do so. Priesthoods, popular myth stories, etc. But this sub sat on my machine untouched for a few months, so I figured I'd throw it up here and move on. (BTW, To-Kah was my take on the Sumerian Ninhursag/Ka, who didn't appear to do much outside of making baby gods with the sky god An; at least as far as I could find.) Go to Comment
30 Gods of Tirexia
Systems  (Divine/ Spirit)   (General)
MysticMoon's comment on 2012-04-13 06:39 PM
Good catch on the double fox thing. Bad editing on my part.

Foxes are actually very good hunters; they are a very determined and clever animal. With Moravar I was going more for showing him as a clever hunter rather than being part of a pack mentality, as wolves do. Moravar looks favorably upon the lone hunter who can prove his intelligence rather than brute force when taking down prey. Go to Comment
Giant Psychic Leech Lords from Outer Space
Lifeforms  (Intelligent Species)   (Swamp)
Pieh's comment on 2011-07-20 06:15 PM


I almost love this. It reminds me of that old Attack of the Giant Leeches horror movie, a true classic, and that helps make the idea of giant man-eating leeches appear readily in my mind. I want more though. This is a great write-up, but it feels like it lacks the scope of an entire planet rules by the Leech Lords. What of thier living arrangements? Is the planet's physical appearance similar to Dagobah's? ...And similar questions should be answered. As a final thought, what I reaaaally want, is some fluff on the subject. Maybe some Leechish philosophical musings? Or an example conversation between Hume and Human? More plot hooks would be lovely as well.



It's very nice as is, the idea itself is great and useable, but I feel like it lacks the "artistic flair to set it apart."



Good work.


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Giant Psychic Leech Lords from Outer Space
Lifeforms  (Intelligent Species)   (Swamp)
valadaar's comment on 2011-07-23 06:12 PM


 Given a space-operish setting, I don't think a great deal of elaboration needs added, though as your sci-fi gets harder, these questions definately need fleshed out.



Though, I also think they too strongly resemble humans in their mindset.



 



 

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Giant Psychic Leech Lords from Outer Space
Lifeforms  (Intelligent Species)   (Swamp)
Silveressa's comment on 2011-07-20 06:30 PM


A fun addition to the "lifeforms" area of the citadel, and over all it gives enough info to be readly useable within a few moments of reading.



I second Pieh's ideas on how to further enhance the piece, and would also enjoy a bit more about ther culture and if they ever went to war against each other or arose as a unified consciousness. (What weapons psychic leeches would come up with could prove impressive.)



(On a small side note, leeches are generally hermaphrodites, it would have been interesting to see this concept used in the sub, but the way it is done works just as well.)


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Giant Psychic Leech Lords from Outer Space
Lifeforms  (Intelligent Species)   (Swamp)
olontur's comment on 2012-09-05 05:29 AM
I have to agree with all above comments. The "artistic flair to really set it apart" may be missing, but as it is, it's sweet, useful and to the point.
Adding a handful of "persons" into the sub could be what's missing, say, a certain elder, a prophet, a leech (mentally) out of order, etc.

Also, I think a society like their's, fixed on philosophy would provide for incredible roleplaying opportunities, as their minds should be literally alien from the PC's... Go to Comment
Giant Psychic Leech Lords from Outer Space
Lifeforms  (Intelligent Species)   (Swamp)
MysticMoon's comment on 2011-07-20 07:16 PM


Fair enough. I'll see what I can cook up.

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Giant Psychic Leech Lords from Outer Space
Lifeforms  (Intelligent Species)   (Swamp)
MysticMoon's comment on 2011-07-20 07:19 PM
Ah, but these are space leeches. Different stock entirely :)

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Giant Psychic Leech Lords from Outer Space
Lifeforms  (Intelligent Species)   (Swamp)
MysticMoon's comment on 2011-07-21 08:35 AM
You only say that because you don't see the genius of my writing.

Wait, no. That's not it. ;)

This should make more sense once I've expanded it. I think I released it into the wild before it had a chance to fully mature.

It might help to picture an old-time, campy sci-fi movie when reading this: men in green rubber suits, children in poor monkey costumes, intrepid explorers with bubble helmets and ray guns.

In all seriousness, I appreciate the thoughtful criticism. I'm here to learn and such feedback is essential to that process. Go to Comment
Giant Psychic Leech Lords from Outer Space
Lifeforms  (Intelligent Species)   (Swamp)
PoisonAlchemist's comment on 2011-07-21 02:53 AM


It is quite servicable and well written, but I feel it could be something better. I don't want to be too critical, but I feel no uniqueness since its entirety is "What if humans were leeches?" It is a typically structured patriarchal society, but why? How did they develop brains and psychic powers instead of more developed tentacles? Why do they value philosophy so much, does it expland their psychic powers? Why were they not overtaken by the humes eons ago since they are showing capacity for rapid intellectual growth? What I think this post is missing is how and why a world run by leeches is different from the one run by humans. 


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The Leech Cloth, or The Cloth of Souls
Items  (Other)   (Magical)
Strolen's comment on 2011-08-14 08:06 AM


The cloth is pretty neat but I will say that the blood duelist part is what sticks out in my mind with. That is a pretty cool idea.


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The Leech Cloth, or The Cloth of Souls
Items  (Other)   (Magical)
EchoMirage's comment on 2011-07-19 07:14 AM


Very good writing, and the "blood duelist" idea is great. Likewise would I like to hear of the origin of the cloth!


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The Leech Cloth, or The Cloth of Souls
Items  (Other)   (Magical)
Cheka Man's comment on 2011-07-18 04:37 PM


I would not touch that cloth,that's for sure. 5/5


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The Leech Cloth, or The Cloth of Souls
Items  (Other)   (Magical)
Murometz's comment on 2012-10-15 03:36 PM
Very good! And inspiring. I'm stealing Blood Duelists! Go to Comment
The Leech Cloth, or The Cloth of Souls
Items  (Other)   (Magical)
chilled's comment on 2012-06-10 08:27 AM
Only voted Go to Comment
The Leech Cloth, or The Cloth of Souls
Items  (Other)   (Magical)
axlerowes's comment on 2012-03-03 05:39 PM


I am shocked: this is really heads and shoulders better than most of the RPG stuff I have ever read.  The item is what it is and so what, as Lagantha might say, but the prose just flows so easily and your tone is so conversational that it draws us in.  A good read.



I would like to link this to the fantasy fabrics codex if you don't mind. 


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The Leech Cloth, or The Cloth of Souls
Items  (Other)   (Magical)
Silveressa's comment on 2011-07-19 05:30 PM


Memorable, and intriuging, I would of enjoyed a more in depth retelling of Tibers fight with The Hounds of Blood, it would be a memorable battle to be sure!



The addition of the origns of the cloth really helped bring the piece togther for me, and gave it a bit of "legendary" status. I can see a few adventures involvign a scholar/wizard attempting to uncover these origins for either intellectual, or more nefarious means.



I also noticed the hint at the origins of Blood Duelists, any chance of seeing this as a seperate sub?



 


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The Leech Cloth, or The Cloth of Souls
Items  (Other)   (Magical)
Silveressa's comment on 2011-07-19 11:49 PM


I like the addition of the blood duelist history, rounds out the piece nicely :)

Go to Comment
The Leech Cloth, or The Cloth of Souls
Items  (Other)   (Magical)
Moonlake's comment on 2012-07-18 01:06 AM
A very engaging piece, good work. Go to Comment
The Leech Cloth, or The Cloth of Souls
Items  (Other)   (Magical)
MysticMoon's comment on 2011-07-19 09:37 AM
Update: As requested, I have added the origin of the cloth. Go to Comment
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