I almost love this. It reminds me of that old Attack of the Giant Leeches horror movie, a true classic, and that helps make the idea of giant man-eating leeches appear readily in my mind. I want more though. This is a great write-up, but it feels like it lacks the scope of an entire planet rules by the Leech Lords. What of thier living arrangements? Is the planet's physical appearance similar to Dagobah's? ...And similar questions should be answered. As a final thought, what I reaaaally want, is some fluff on the subject. Maybe some Leechish philosophical musings? Or an example conversation between Hume and Human? More plot hooks would be lovely as well.
It's very nice as is, the idea itself is great and useable, but I feel like it lacks the "artistic flair to set it apart."
A fun addition to the "lifeforms" area of the citadel, and over all it gives enough info to be readly useable within a few moments of reading.
I second Pieh's ideas on how to further enhance the piece, and would also enjoy a bit more about ther culture and if they ever went to war against each other or arose as a unified consciousness. (What weapons psychic leeches would come up with could prove impressive.)
(On a small side note, leeches are generally hermaphrodites, it would have been interesting to see this concept used in the sub, but the way it is done works just as well.)
It is quite servicable and well written, but I feel it could be something better. I don't want to be too critical, but I feel no uniqueness since its entirety is "What if humans were leeches?" It is a typically structured patriarchal society, but why? How did they develop brains and psychic powers instead of more developed tentacles? Why do they value philosophy so much, does it expland their psychic powers? Why were they not overtaken by the humes eons ago since they are showing capacity for rapid intellectual growth? What I think this post is missing is how and why a world run by leeches is different from the one run by humans.
I am shocked: this is really heads and shoulders better than most of the RPG stuff I have ever read. The item is what it is and so what, as Lagantha might say, but the prose just flows so easily and your tone is so conversational that it draws us in. A good read.
I would like to link this to the fantasy fabrics codex if you don't mind.
Memorable, and intriuging, I would of enjoyed a more in depth retelling of Tibers fight with The Hounds of Blood, it would be a memorable battle to be sure!
The addition of the origns of the cloth really helped bring the piece togther for me, and gave it a bit of "legendary" status. I can see a few adventures involvign a scholar/wizard attempting to uncover these origins for either intellectual, or more nefarious means.
I also noticed the hint at the origins of Blood Duelists, any chance of seeing this as a seperate sub?
History of the Blood Duelist
In elder days gone by, when the world still lived in barbarity, and civilization was a new word upon the lips of man, dogs were considered to be protectors sent down by the gods. Over time the idea of protector became broader until it encompassed judgements passed upon dangerous criminals.
Dogs who were no longer capable of hunting or guarding were put to use as executioners for those convicted of violent crimes. The condemned would be bound to posts and set upon by the dogs until dead.
One such condemned man was found guilty of murder, even though all knew it was in self defense against the thug of a rich man. Unable to bear the thought of his son being torn apart by dogs, the man’s father pled to be executed instead, saying, “Let me duel the gods of judgement for my son’s life.” An allowance was made, with the added condition that if he were to survive for a set amount of time, his son would be set free.
Thus began the tradition of the Blood Duelist.