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The Headless Motorcycle Man
NPCs  (Scenario Based)   (Travelers)
Dragonlordmax's comment on 2014-11-07 05:13 PM
I think axlerowes leaves a good comment.

I think there is enough here to work as a weird encounter, perhaps to first introduce the PCs to the supernatural, to showcase some amount of restless dead syndrome, or perhaps even just to do some damage to traveling characters. And the biker could be easily replaced with a horseman in a less modern setting.

Also, this gives whole new meaning to the old "Head of Vecna." Go to Comment
The Headless Motorcycle Man
NPCs  (Scenario Based)   (Travelers)
Murometz's comment on 2014-11-03 03:14 PM


Now this could certainly work as a 70's Roger Corman, Ghostrider-on-shrooms, sexploitation flick with an added, "hold on to your junk" type of parable.

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The Headless Motorcycle Man
NPCs  (Scenario Based)   (Travelers)
axlerowes's comment on 2014-11-03 07:12 AM
Why are you not a fan of this style of sub? How would you describe this style of sub? Go to Comment
The Headless Motorcycle Man
NPCs  (Scenario Based)   (Travelers)
axlerowes's comment on 2014-11-03 07:13 AM


I think the prose is strong and professional and the story has potential, particularly around Halloween. I enjoyed the phraseology and admired the word choice. But the story is really about the Deni and Billy characters, while the post claims to be about headless motorcycle man. We don’t have a backstory for the ghost characters. The post-script also asserts that the focus of this story is on the motorcycle man and attempts to describes the use of the motorcycle man in game. The content does not fully equip a storyteller or game master to use this work, you have an idea here, a plot, but you don’t have a complete story or a completely developed NPC.



The assertion that the resolution of this conflict should be system specific would only be true for the most sophomoric of gamers. Imagine if halfway through your story Billy pulls out his holy symbol banishes the undead then gets in the car and moves on. That is not resolution. And above we don’t have resolution for the ghost characters. I know gamers that would be satisfied with that, but I don’t play with them.



Summary: All the details of the story are great but have you really expanded up on the content beyond “The restless spirit of a leather glad biker straight from central casting searches the back roads for the ghost of the woman that cut off his member”? As a piece of inspiration this is great, as a gaming resource it offers little because it has neither backstory nor resolution. As “draw it with crayon” camp says it lacks the “juicy details”.

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The Headless Motorcycle Man
NPCs  (Scenario Based)   (Travelers)
valadaar's comment on 2014-11-10 11:19 AM
The prior comments have hit all of the points methinks. It is quite cool and well presented.
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The Headless Motorcycle Man
NPCs  (Scenario Based)   (Travelers)
Silveressa's comment on 2014-11-03 08:01 PM
It'd make for a decent adventure for the Supernatural setting, there was actually a similar episode during the first of second season of the tv show dealing with two ghosts endlessly fighting one another. Go to Comment
The Headless Motorcycle Man
NPCs  (Scenario Based)   (Travelers)
Aramax's comment on 2014-11-02 06:21 AM
Not a big fan of this style of sub, however it IS a nice update to a classic., I think above score is a little harsh, quality of sub calls for at least 3.5/5 in my mind just a hair off 4 Go to Comment
The Headless Motorcycle Man
NPCs  (Scenario Based)   (Travelers)
MysticMoon's comment on 2014-11-03 08:17 PM

Thank you for this. It's a pretty fair assessment. My original concept was going for irreverent humor but it came out as poor caricature, methinks.

If I ever spend more time on this, I'll take your advice by adding in a few more scenarios that expand the story a bit and show the main two ghosts from different angles. Also give them a backstory, although I was trying to hint at the essentials via action and dialogue. It's certainly an unfinished piece as-is.

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The Headless Motorcycle Man
NPCs  (Scenario Based)   (Travelers)
PoisonAlchemist's comment on 2014-11-02 02:55 AM
Classic sounding ghost story. Go to Comment
Snow Devil
Lifeforms  (Intelligent Species)   (Any)
Scrasamax's comment on 2014-03-28 11:50 PM
Fun monster of the week. I like the presentation, it is good without dragging to excessive length. For fun, I would give the Snow Devils a few more tricks, such as the abilitiy to pick up some class based abilities, which would open the door to create a whole rogue's gallery of snow devils.

The most obvious choices are druidic and magic user types, with again obvious emphasis on elemental and cold based magics. Ranger, rogue, and hunter types can be equally deadly without being as obvious. These beings could carve out petty kindgoms in the north, demanding tribute and sacrifice from those under their thrall, and with such support structures, these beings who can live into the centuries would certainly have time to become dangerous magi, summoners, warlords with rimebound minions, and all of that. Go to Comment
Snow Devil
Lifeforms  (Intelligent Species)   (Any)
Dragonlordmax's comment on 2014-03-28 08:19 PM
As a life form, I think this is a pretty nice entry. I think there are a lot of ways that such a monster could be brought into play, and it could definitely make for some interesting play. Definitely could be nice for a pseudo-horror scenario (you know, horror trappings, but more positive, maybe).

From a Monster-of-the-Week perspective, I am a little concerned about the... lack of connection between the three states of the monster. If it was just the old man and one of the other ones, it wouldn't be a problem, but I feel like having both the ghoul and the fiend might be bit tricky to manage. Maybe if there was bait more of a connection, like it has to be the ghoul until it accomplishes something, or it has to gradually work to bring down temperatures until it can safely take fiend-form.

But all said and done, I like it, and there's plenty here to work with. Go to Comment
Snow Devil
Lifeforms  (Intelligent Species)   (Any)
valadaar's comment on 2014-10-16 12:44 PM
A good critter, though I would play up the strengths and weaknesses of each of the three forms.

Has a good Old-school feel as a monster-of-the-week
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Snow Devil
Lifeforms  (Intelligent Species)   (Any)
Kassy's comment on 2014-03-27 12:48 PM
3.5/5

Short, chilling *waves to dismiss groaning*, and easily adaptable.

Thank you MM :) Go to Comment
Snow Devil
Lifeforms  (Intelligent Species)   (Any)
MysticMoon's comment on 2014-03-27 08:00 AM

Good questions

  • Yes, each of the forms bleed.
  • If the tall, skinny albino is too much of a giveaway, feel free to change things up and turn that form into something less obvious. That form should be the last one that anyone suspects of being capable of the killings, so make whatever changes are necessary for that to happen. (I'm not sure why, but I kind of had Bruce Spence in mind when I wrote that part.)
  • The Cadaverous Old Man is the least affected by warmth. In fact, with his "ill health" he may appear to be constantly cold and seeking to be warm. He may even be the most vocal about how the cold weather "hurts his bones" and appear to avoid going out into the storms for any reason.
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Snow Devil
Lifeforms  (Intelligent Species)   (Any)
eleclipse's comment on 2014-03-27 02:52 AM
I really like it.

Some questions:

-Does the cadaverus old man bleed ? If one know the monster it's really easy to be suspicious of the local albino, if it exist, so since it's a spirit a common test may be some cut to see if it bleed.

-Can it live, in the cadaverus old form, in warm or even hot zone? Go to Comment
Monks of the Bearded Moon
Society/ Organizations  (Mystical)   (Regional)
Murometz's comment on 2014-01-20 08:39 PM


It's great. Evocative and full of stimulating imagery (some kind of image/pic would be pretty sweet with this one actually!), particularly the chin-scarred (or whatever it may be) Moon itself. And the ritual of wax-and-wane shaving is awesome! The moss gathering is good too.



Plothooks 3, 4, 5 are great!! 1 and 2 are unnecessary, I think. We read that they are healers and knowledge gatherers. Those seem ubiquitous.



I really like this! If i would add any tiny thing, it would be maybe one extra little weirdness or mystery about the moon/entity or the order, but that's nitpicking, nice work here!

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Monks of the Bearded Moon
Society/ Organizations  (Mystical)   (Regional)
valadaar's comment on 2014-01-21 09:55 AM
This great, given the fairly restrictive premise - moonbeard. Of course I am a little biased towards it.

I echo the need for slightly more wierdness or perhaps darkness. Perhaps more strongly lean on the madness aspect of the moon - lunacy.



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Monks of the Bearded Moon
Society/ Organizations  (Mystical)   (Regional)
MysticMoon's comment on 2014-01-20 09:00 PM

I have valadaar to thank for the shaving and moss ideas. I was stuck on where to go with the whole bearded moon thing until he threw out some ideas in chat.

Glad you liked it. I will ponder what kind of mysterious little bits I might add.


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River Horses
Lifeforms  (Ethereal)   (Water)
Cheka Man's comment on 2014-01-14 12:26 PM
Pretty creatures, impossible to catch. Go to Comment
River Horses
Lifeforms  (Ethereal)   (Water)
Murometz's comment on 2014-01-13 11:08 PM


It started off as...classic Hippocampi meets rushing, foamy, wave-horses from LotR. Best take-away from the first part was--to stop is to die. That was nice.



But the Abilities and Weaknesses gets to all the good stuff and some original bits, especially the--messages across great distances!



They are indeed flavorful, well-rendered creatures, though I've come across their ilk quite a few times. Still good though!

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