Foul and disgusting, but it's not his fault that he ended up this way. Go to Comment

I really hadn't thought of him as an end of campaign boss. Just a malign pain that is a constant pain in the side of those try to tackle evil and end cult plot after cult plot. Being as he is not bound to a single cult, as many different worship him I felt he would be an almost never ending antagonist. But I do see you point.

 

*updated per CM's remarks.

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I understood where you were coming from defeat is just a strong word I guess and can mean so many different things. But all is well. Go to Comment

Why would that offend? Create away. Go to Comment

Updated and hopefully fixed. Go to Comment

Shivenhusk seems very much like an end-of-campaign boss to defeat. His writeup obviously has enough flesh to be spawning hordes of writhing, disgusting, slimy plot hooks, and I'd like to see some of those, to better allow his use. Go to Comment

Well, by 'defeat' I simply meant that his plans would be foiled. Defeat does NOT have to mean death, especially for a demi-god of undeath. Go to Comment

Updated vote; the plot hooks really do help. Go to Comment

A perfectly horrid and disgusting "thing"! Well described and imagined. Even the name alone is great, summons up mental images of fractured sanity and putrid, worm-eaten dreams. I Iike that he is worshiped/revered by various cults and madmen. Could use a a bit of a spell/grammar-check.

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Another great one found with unvoted subs! He would make a great antagonist anywhere undead can be found. Go to Comment

Normally I try and leave comments about spelling and structure alone but this is a rough draft. An excellent rough draft, but in dire need of another read through. I see the voice you are trying to get out and I love it, however if you read it out loud you will find many errors that make it difficult for me to get through.

I think you can up this .5 to a point with a quick rewrite to make things more clear! Go to Comment

I like the approach, but (and I do prostrate myself before you in apology) there are several typos and this sub needs to be spell checked. Go to Comment

Only voted Go to Comment

Added more information regarding the different topics in discussion hope that clears some issues. Go to Comment

I see...

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It was writtin with the intent of two things.

1) Showing he has researched some of what he is speaking about.

2) That he is discussing his findings.

The challanging factor in his work as he write it is not a chronological issue, but an issue as he begins to lose the stability of his senses and fall further and further into the darkness he is only trying to discover. The different voices of the piece was on purpose. It intent was to not make perfect sense and the hold on his mind slips further and further along, faster than he thought it would. In the beginning he states that he will go to whatever ends to get this knowledge and that it is more intriguing than he would like to admit.

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It is difficult to read that huge bit of text when the formatting is screwed. Clean it up, make it readable and pm it to me. Cause right now everything is blending together. I will take you remarks under editing consideration. Go to Comment

I've always liked breakdowns of a school of magic, where they're split into more specific domains of expertise. It shows a systematization that always arises when a subject is studied and worked with for any real length of time. You simply need to discuss particular concepts, and thus have to give them names for ease of discussion.

I think this particular setup could work nicely as a general "schools of necromancy" learning mechanic, assigning knowledge points into subcategories of necromancy to show what your characters specialties are and what they're capable of. Go to Comment

Lots of interesting bits in this sub. Could use more of them. It feels 2/3rds done to me, though i like all the information shared! Would also have loved to see more on the "true" origins/meanings of necromancy. As with other "Mancies", necromancy originally entailed predicting the future, as in "divining the future by/through speaking/interacting with the dead." In closing, I think you will make a worthy leader for your gruesome guild! Thumb up!

 

(spell check)

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Edit noted. Clean-up noted. New info added noted. Thank you for the Divination angle.

Vote updated! Go to Comment