At first the plot seemed a little railroadish to me, until I got deeper into it and noticed there was a lot more freedom of choice (and consequences from those choices) then first apparent.
The plot as written can work great to introduce a thief NPC to the parties group, or even replace the thief NPC with a player character rogue if the GM is feeling especially creative.
The extra system less stats for the NPC's involved were a nice touch and makes it easy for a GM to quickly give them more system specific attributes without needing to come up with them from stats and the initial description.
For those running a higher tech campaign a similar basic plot concept and adventure based off of this can be used with minimal effort. (I can imagine a similar plot unfolding on one of the rim worlds of Firefly or back water markets in Star Wars.)
Nicely done, and a plot I will be using in my Warhammer Fantasy campaign rather soon.