Updated: Fixed up the format. This is now a scroll, so new scrolls welcome! Go to Comment

Based on the comment by Moonhunter, I¡¦m starting this scroll to talk about this issue but again this is my particular take on it. Others with different opinions on this issue are welcome to add Balancing Content and Presentation Scroll #2, 3 and so on. Scrolls on different aspects are also most welcome if the author thinks it relevant to posting in general.

This scroll is meant to stand alone from the previous one so there might be some discrepancies with respect to the definition of terms used. In particular, in the previous scroll, I tend to define things loosely whereas here, all terms are defined more strictly.

So firstly, let me define the 2 terms and some of the bordering terms associated with them and finally the term Submission. Any bolded term means that I¡¦m using the term strictly according to the definition that I¡¦ve provided.

Content, Idea and Concept
Content, as I think of it in general, is the meat of a piece of writing. This might encompass a few different definitions. For the sake of this scroll, though, let¡¦s restrict its definition to the following: content is basically the sections of a submission , that describes to the readers all the key ideas of the piece in its most raw form that stands separate from grammar, expressions and such like.

Under this definition, content is basically the written form or physical manifestation of the key ideas or the underlying concept that form a submission . So then what is an idea and what is a concept? Well, I consider something to be an idea if it can be summarized within 10 words. More specifically, I would say the 5 Ws (What, Who, When, Where and Why) and 1 H (How) is each an idea, in addition to Origin, Major Events (describing some sorts of changes) and Currently if you want to add a timeline component to your submission . I consider there to be missing components if the content of a particular submission is not based on at least 3-4 of such ideas. As to concept, I see it as the 3 or more such ideas that flow together coherently and logically.

Presentation, Execution and Prose
Presentation is the way you provide your content to your readers, the wrapping paper that goes over it. This includes aspects like spelling and grammar, clarity, elegance of expressions etc.

In a similar vein, execution is the way you formulate and articulate your ideas into a coherent and quality submission .

Now, as to prose or writing style, I am thinking of it not in terms of (insert your own name)¡¦s prose, but rather in terms of the prose for argumentative essays, descriptive essays, informative essays etc.

Submission
Submission as I define it here, is the actual post that you post up to the Citadel when you click on the Add Submission button. A submission , I contend, is basically Content plus Presentation.

Given these definitions, I want to offer the key aspects of Content and Presentation that should be considered when posting before cutting to the meat of this scroll:

Content
- Solidity: How sound is the underlying concept on which your submission is based on? Can anyone poke holes in it?
- Completeness: How self contained your submission is or whether there are any aspects that felt left out in the submission? Any parts that people read and think this begs the question of¡K.?
- Coherence: Do the central ideas of the submission fit with each other or do they appear to be forcefully lumped together?
- Creativity: originality of the ideas on which the content is centered on. Of course this is a rather subjective thing so more generally, I would say: ¡§Are there interesting twists to your submission?¡¨

Presentation
- Spelling and Grammar: Some typos are unavoidable but really the spell check is there to be used!
- Clarity: Are you getting through what you want to say? Does your way of expression hinder this? Also, are there bits of background information that needs to be explained for readers to understand the underlying concept of your submission?
- Elegance: Can you find an alternative way of expression that enhances the feel of your submission? How are you going to draw your readers into the atmosphere of your submission?

Now on balancing between Content and Presentation, my personal formula is 50% Content + 50% Presentation for all categories except Articles or maybe Societies and Systems (for Societies and Systems, it really depends) where I suggest a mix of 70% Content+30% Presentation. Under my definitions, I don¡¦t think there is much room for changing this broad formula but maybe 5% shifting is sort of acceptable.

As to how to allocate weight to the different aspects within Content and Presentation, which I think is the more practical and difficult side of this issue, I offer some tips below but again this is my particular take on it:
- Spelling and Grammar is 10% of the Submission
- Clarity is at least 10% of the Submission
- Make sure all aspects of Content and Presentation right first before you start work on Elegance (unless you are a natural born with this aspect)
- The order in which I present the different aspects are pretty much my suggested order on which aspects to tackle first in writing so yes, I belong to the Contents school and I think one first have to have a solid concept and then you see whether there are holes in it or you can expand it out etc. until you come to the final stage of seeing whether you can enhance the atmosphere of your submission
- An easy way of enhancing the elegance of your submission is to insert italic text or blockquotes in appropriate places
- A trick of finding such appropriate places is to view each section of your submission as a separate thing after your final write-up and then ask yourself whether you need more atmosphere for that particular section
- For me, I see there being 2 types of submission: a solid submission where the selling point is Solidity, Completeness, Coherence and Clarity (plus Spelling and Grammar of course) and a artistic submission where the selling point is Creativity and Elegance. Of course, they don¡¦t have to be 2 different types of submissions and I¡¦m not saying in a solid submission, one should forget all about elegance and creativity or that for an artistic piece, the underlying concept doesn¡¦t have to make sense at all. And of course, someone can write a piece that is both solid and artistic. In general, though, the point I want to bring across is that you might like to choose from these 2 selling points and work on the relevant aspects as your focus when writing a particular submission.
- For those aiming for a solid submission, I propose the following weighting of aspects: 30% to Solidity, 15% to Completeness, Coherence and Clarity respectively, 10% to Spelling and Grammar and Creativity respectively 5% to Elegance.
- For those aiming for an artistic submission, I propose the following weighting of aspects: 25% to Solidity, 10% to Completeness, Coherence, Clarity and Spelling and Grammar respectively, 20% to and Creativity respectively 15% to Elegance. Go to Comment

suggested titles, slightly sexier than "the second encounter"

1. Second Time Around
2. Brothels and Betrayals
3. Second Chances
4. Brothel Blues

-Muro :) Go to Comment

Ummm forgive me if I'm wrong but if the attempted kidnapping were a prank, isn't there a very realistic chance it could turn fatal, as the PCs proceed to kill the thugs with the intention of rescuing the girl? Isn't there a ridiculously high likely hood of that in fact? It seems like that sort of situation would be instantly suspicious, because given the propensity for Adventurers on the road to use "Crossbow Diplomacy" no one would pull such a high risk low reward prank. Go to Comment

Very good, I should comment more but I am so tired tonight. Go to Comment

My suggestion would be to clean up the formatting and layout of this piece quite a bit. An introduction followed by three possible explanations would work best. Read trough other Tales of the Road submissions, ponder some, comment some and update this. Go to Comment

Lol, i had to read that tag-line a few times (...once a second time) to get it. Nothing wrong with the sentence mind you, just with me.

I understand what you're saying here, but this line could use a once-over (tense and stuff) For the girl was the daughter of a Lord who first ran into the PCs when she was chased a group of thugs who the PCs rescued from, except that later the PCs were told by the Lord that the whole event was a prank that she often likes to spring on adventurers

Other than that this is a good set of plothooks from an interesting premise. I kinda like #1, the direct approach. I find it fun to confound PCs with such problems. #2 and #3 are good too. I actually think that combining the first 3 options (somehow), would make a good overall plot. Go to Comment

Perhaps you should write the adventure starting with the first encounter. If you have a stable group....I believe there is something about the demographic of roleplayers, the majority of them are 10 mins away from personal crisis at all times...you can have the initial encounter with the plan that it will later become relevant during second encounter. So here you have two encounters and one plot line spread over a long chunk of time with the PCs being central to the plot line. More than half the roleplaying plots should use similiar model. However here you also have two very underdeveloped encounters and one central idea which is very strong. I think it still needs work, but it also worth working on. Go to Comment

Updated: need help with plot hook #2 and 3 Go to Comment

Thanks for the comment. Will rethink format and orgnisation of ideas. Go to Comment

Updated: Changed the format as adviced. Go to Comment

Thanks for pointing out the grammar mistakes. Fixed now. Actually, if you find the "once a second time" hard to comprehend, you should read my 1st draft where I typed "once again" on impulse, meaning "once (break) again" but obviously it doesn't work out. Lucky I spotted that particular bit myself and changed it else everyone will be scratching their heads about the inconsistencies b/w the summary and the content of the sub. But I too can see that the "once a second time" is just a mouthful LoL. Go to Comment

Actually, with respect to the combining of all 3 possibilities, I have a thought that came to me last night: it's basically plot possibility 2a combined with 3 with a slight change: the Lord actually likes spirited women and likes the thrill of the hunt for his mistress so that the girl actually makes her escapes periodically but everytime she always got hunted down and the one time she didn't get hunted down was when she got kidnapped and sold into a brothel. I can imagine this being a little chaotic game session where the PCs have to deal with the imposter, deal with the Lord who somehow got wind of this and came to reclaim his favored mistress and rescue the girl for good. Go to Comment

Updated: Changed title of sub as per Muro's suggestion (though I don't think like the word betrayal much in this context and so changed it to intrigue). Also added Bonus Plot. Many thanks, Muro, for your suggestions. Go to Comment

The comment is appreciated and is very valid. However, I also just would like to make some clarifying comments myself:
1. This sub is meant as part of the Tales of the Road plots Codex which requires subs of a specific format. So in relation to your point of two underdeveloped encounters and one strong central idea, I agree but then I can't see an alternative way to writing this sub and just conform to the Tales of the Road format. I agree I should've started with the 1st Encounter if I'm writing this as a straight plot sub. In fact, I started this way but I'm too slack to work it out fully into a workable plot that can be dumped stratight into gameplay and preserve the diferent possibilities. But anyway, it's prob. also my fault for not signaling more clearly that this sub should be read as a Tales of the Road sub and not as a straight plot sub.

2. Strictly speaking, I'm a non-gamer myself though I try to write with my audiences in mind and maybe ppl mistake me for a gamer this way (though I think some can tell the signs already). But anyway, what you say about the gameplay and the stretching of a plot line over a long chunk of time is still very valid, even I can see that as a non-gamer. My solution to this (by pretending that I'm a real GM when I'm not) is more or less what you said: first present to them the first encounter and let them choose whether or not to follow up on the note but impose the restriction that even if they do, the investigation comes to a dead end. And then, distract the players with an absorbing side quest or two. And then come back to the 2nd encounter.

In conclusion, I reiterate that the comment is appreciated and very valid but I will not be coming back to this sub. Go to Comment

Updated: Clarified that this is a Tales of the Road sub, and not a standalone plot sub. Go to Comment

Thanks for the comment. Personally, I don't think there's an issue of right and wrong here to debate on but the courteous tone is appreciated.

In some aspects, your comment does raise a valid point. However, I also think that your comment hinges on the assumption that the "girl" has the maturity to know that the prank might cause fatalities. If the "girl" is a noble's daughter, though, chances are she will be a spoiled sheltered brat who won't think about the adverse consequences of her actions before she acts. In that sense, she could still pull such a prank in practice. Go to Comment

The submission has some errors where it seems spellcheck turned one word into another. I think this works just fine as a stand alone plot and I think the variety of options are clever and interesting. Based on the comments, however, it appears I am getting more of a polished product than the previous readers.

Go to Comment

Only voted Go to Comment

Might want to put these in as advice requested - generally when codexies or scrolls are submitted at full subs, at the very least the author has added something. These are not ready to be main subs. Go to Comment