I was feeling a lot of themes from the Song of Fire and Ice by George RR Martin. Courts of deception and political games. King getting killed while out on a wild boar hunt. The person rising to the throne not really the direct descendant of the King. Etc. I got the same feelings while reading an earlier submission about a Drow named Drizzt who is good instead of evil and lives in the Forgotten Realms and wields two swords at once and falls in love with a party member... It doesn't feel like you developed this character from your own original ideas. Go to Comment
You could look over your entry and check spelling with a site like dictionary.com, but that can be a lot of work.
Instead of entering them directly, use wordpad/ word/ wp of choice. In addition to being able to spend time doing revisions and tinkering with the entry - polishing them up, you can spell check them. Then call up the site, copy and paste the entry and you will be free of the demon. It takes a bit more work, but the results can be worth it. I try to do that as often as I can with even my forum posts. Go to Comment
Ach! Those dreaded spelling mistakes! Will I never be free of them?lol. Im glad you still like the character though,and I like the plot hook you suggested. We might make a hero out of young Michael,yet. I don't understand the comparision with vanilla ice cream though. Could you explain it to me? Go to Comment
A nice character, I dont think I would blame him for leaving the confines of the gilded cage. (A nice term, that) Reminds me of Hamlet, but instead of being an intellectual to his disadvantage, Michael is a humanist to his disadvantage.
Another plot hook I thought of, the Kingdom has become in some new horribly oppressive, perhaps the extreme persecution of the commoners, such as that that occured to the peasantry of Eastern Europe and Russia in the 17th and 18th century. Michael must make a difficult choice, to let his people suffer as he continues to idle his life away in peace, or return to the Throne, depose his murderous usurper, and assume the mantle that he was born to wear.
The PCs just happen to have some reason to help him, such as their families are being persecuted, recruited by the charisma of the crown prince, or whatnot. Sounds like a good campaign to me.
I would rank this one higher, but there are a good number of spelling errors and comma mistakes. Michael still has alot of potential, but he reminds me of vanilla ice cream. I like vanilla ice cream...mmm...ice cream.
Vanilla ice cream is well...dull. It doesnt have any flash or dazzle, no chips, chunks, ripples, marshmallows, or new and interesting flavors. On the other hand there really isnt bad ice cream, and like I said, I like vanilla, you can add to it yourself.
The resemblance to Hamlet increases, I approve. Adding the melancholy streak to a normally optimistic, and upbeat noble is a nice touch. He is well set, there is but for fate to interven her hand and upset his life completely.
The expression, iSome men are born to greatness, others have it thrust upon them,/i comes to mind. The Peasant Prince may find himself in need of assistance when his cousin decides that the prince needs to turn up dead, or a league of lords decides to make the prince their titular figurehead, opposing the counsin, but at the same time, staying on their leash.
Either way, the DM inside of me says it is time for the Prince's sabbatical to come to an end. I like the flavor.
In general I realy like the idea of the item, but there are some points that are nagging and I do not really. I can not really lay the finger on the sour point though.
There are some things that I would have written down a bit different.
Personally, I do not like mindless wandering zombies, so I would expect the cursed wearer of the cloak to fall dead to the floor when their soul is entirly consumed.
... Another question is: once the wearer (or his entourage) realize what is going on, could a spell like "remove curse" not be used to remove the cloak, or can you just lay it aside without any problem?
Sure, you can regain your soul by slaying the creator, but what if the creator ends up dead by another source? Go to Comment
Well,removing the cloak is not gonna help. The cloak is merely a carrier for the curse.Use it just once,and the enchantment infects you. As for your second question,it dosen't matter how the demon dies.As long as he's destroyed,the curse is lifted,for they are both linked. Hope that answered your questions about the cloak. Perhaps you could give me some pointers on how to improve it. Go to Comment