An ambitious explanation of an amphibious people. The otherwise noted problems aside, any sub that makes such an attempt to outline the unique characteristics of a race in such detail is worthy of a thumbs up in my mind. Go to Comment
Have to echo the prior comments - and in my opinion, the punctuation especially needs to be addressed. There are a lot of text-editors (some freeware) which with a little work with regular expressions could correct these en-mass. Go to Comment
This is a post of such significance to the setting, with so much information, that you might want to break off some sections into separate posts, then make them into a codex. It's already a substantial post, so considering Moonhunter's suggested additions, it might be easier to tackle in smaller chunks. Go to Comment
As a matter of fact, the Maoist Communist who terrorised large swathes of the world during the Cold War, were actually the inspiration for this NPC. I wanted to channel revolutionaries who weren't stereotypical ''good guys'', so to speak. Go to Comment
Not bad, it was a long read that drug on in a few places, and some of the scenes seemed a bit gratuitous. I don't mean that the rape, immolation of a baby, and beheading of a baron was excessive, that is the sort of thing that people do, I just dont know that it provided anything more than some shock value. Charles is a well developed revolutionary/infiltraitor, but aside from that and his bloody past there is not actually that much we know about the man. Aside from his obvious fanaticism, and killer's ethos, he is somewhat one-sided. I would like to see behind the facade and know, what does he like to do besides killing, plotting assassination, and if he has no friends among the other guards, does he have any friends at all? does he socialize any? Drink? Wench? These are just some questions that I pondered when I was reading this submission. Go to Comment
This sub is a consistent piece, well-written and usable.
I can see the picture, with Charles standing triumphant over a dead monarch's body, calling out to all the oppressed, say, during a grand festival, to kill their masters... the paranoia, violence, and change that occurs. Go to Comment