Strolen\s Citadel content. 
Harakan
Lifeforms  (Constructed)   (Any)
Drackler's comment on 2010-01-21 01:10 PM
It reminds me a little of RuneQuest, what with the 'disease spirits' that cause plagues. The details are good, as is the description.
Even though it is set in a age when there are firearms, they don't play that big of a role, so it could be adapted very easily.
I especially like how the Harakan are addicted as well as bound by the blood that they drink. Go to Comment
Harakan
Lifeforms  (Constructed)   (Any)
MysticMoon's comment on 2013-09-01 08:32 PM
There are a lot of useful elements to this and the whole paints an interesting picture. Go to Comment
Tawsooooshar
Locations  (City)   (Water)
Maggot's comment on 2009-12-11 10:56 PM
That's a good idea for a plot hook as AG said. I've decided to add that as a potential side plot so as to make this setting more gaming friendly. Go to Comment
Tawsooooshar
Locations  (City)   (Water)
Maggot's comment on 2009-12-13 01:40 AM
That's a great suggestion, Muro, but do you know how exactly I'm supposed to go about doing it? I apologise if I'm asking a rather silly question, but formatting has never been my strong suit. Thanks Go to Comment
Tawsooooshar
Locations  (City)   (Water)
Cheka Man's comment on 2009-12-11 01:15 PM
5/5 *imagines the trouble that would be caused if a De Madden Company fleet were to sail into this paticular lagoon* Go to Comment
Tawsooooshar
Locations  (City)   (Water)
Ancient Gamer's comment on 2009-12-11 08:46 PM
Now you're talking, Cheka! This sounds like a plot. That kind of imagination is what I base all my stories upon. Go to Comment
Tawsooooshar
Locations  (City)   (Water)
Murometz's comment on 2009-12-12 01:30 PM
Very nice Maggot! You really get a sense of this place, and its safe to say, this aquatic world you created is a dynamic one, with a plethora of detail.

The artefact-ladden crater sounds inviting and rife for PC plunder! :)

You can use links throughout the piece would be my only suggestion, so those readers that may not have a "feel" for the world, can follow up. Links to Cauda, Larfu, etc... Go to Comment
Tawsooooshar
Locations  (City)   (Water)
valadaar's comment on 2009-12-17 07:36 PM
Quite nice - Agree with Muro on this one.

To link a sub, you surround the name of the link with square brackets. The name must be exact with no extra whitespace.

EG The Sloorshi

Go to Comment
The Sloorshi
Items  (Jewelry)   (Combat)
Cheka Man's comment on 2009-12-02 01:26 PM
Useful until tthe main bad guy is destroyed, then downright dangerous. Go to Comment
Organi
Lifeforms  (Fauna)   (Water)
Maggot's comment on 2009-07-01 10:40 PM
Update: This is a new sub. Go to Comment
Organi
Lifeforms  (Fauna)   (Water)
Maggot's comment on 2009-12-01 09:38 PM
Do you have any suggestions as to how I could smooth it? I've resolved the spelling errors but I take it that are other mistakes that I've overlooked? Are there any punctuation or grammatical errors that currently mar the sub? Sorry if I'm asking a stupid question here, but I'd just like to know the type of problems that need to be resolved. Thanks for commenting by the way. Go to Comment
Organi
Lifeforms  (Fauna)   (Water)
Maggot's comment on 2009-12-02 08:18 AM
Point noted, AG. You're right, this sub was a bit lacking when it comes to suitably dramatic elements. I'll have to rectify that for my future subs. I'm afraid that it might have something to do with the fact that it's been barely a month since I stopped churning out academic essays. :) Go to Comment
Organi
Lifeforms  (Fauna)   (Water)
EchoMirage's comment on 2009-11-26 03:23 AM
I see you hammered this into the keyboard in one breath - I am wont to do so at times myself.
Needs some editing, clearing up, smoothening. Go to Comment
Organi
Lifeforms  (Fauna)   (Water)
Cheka Man's comment on 2009-11-25 11:56 AM
Another interesting creature of Tarrod from you. Go to Comment
Organi
Lifeforms  (Fauna)   (Water)
Ancient Gamer's comment on 2009-12-01 02:07 AM
What Echo said. Smooth it Maggot, and I'll vote on it. (I might need a reminder pm) Go to Comment
Organi
Lifeforms  (Fauna)   (Water)
Ancient Gamer's comment on 2009-12-02 01:15 AM
We just want you to be your best, Maggot.

The Organi seems like a good race to have in your setting, dangerous opponents that pose a great threat individually. Especially the juvenile Organi seem like a great thing to send against your PCs in their inland villages.

For me this was a hard read however. The text, while grammatically great, is often dry and scholarly in the manner of university texts and professors' documents. I actually thought "Maggot is David Attenborough for sure", at a moment there. ;) http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/David_Attenborough

I do believe that some physiology is important, but I think this text delves too much into the biological minutae.

There is a glimmer of light: The fifth paragraph details juvenile Organis' inland incursions at night. That instantly triggered my imagination and I began envisioning plots and side-quests in which Juvenile Organi slaughter entire households of remote farms and villages. Thumbs up for that, and the reason for +0.5.

Base score: 3.5
Juvenile Organi bonus: +0.5
Total score: 4.0

Go to Comment
Organi
Lifeforms  (Fauna)   (Water)
Ancient Gamer's comment on 2009-12-02 03:40 PM
Ah, there is a time and a place for everything.

The citadel is the place for your most vivid, enthralling fantastic creations.

I bet your professors would be outraged to find vulgar pulp fiction a la Strolen's in your academic texts though, so keep the genres separated. ;) Go to Comment
Organi
Lifeforms  (Fauna)   (Water)
chilled's comment on 2012-06-11 07:48 AM
Only voted Go to Comment
Organi
Lifeforms  (Fauna)   (Water)
valadaar's comment on 2009-12-06 07:30 PM
Well, one way to change it about is to switch the point of view to that of someone or something describing it - perhaps one of the Brave People to some juniors.

All and all, a neat creature that is suitably bloody and has a plup feel that AG has pointed out. Go to Comment
Organi
Lifeforms  (Fauna)   (Water)
Kassy's comment on 2012-07-03 08:34 AM
A good read, very detailed. Go to Comment
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