I like it - Quite good, and well written. It does require a very specific world view in that the actions and behaviour of the gods are defined very specifically, and has a feel of a fantasy Bolshevik revolution. Go to Comment
I would clean up all the bolding at the end and save it just for the paragraph headers, otherwise this is a delight to read, sometihng that would have come slunking up from the depths of Lovecraftian mythos. Good work. Go to Comment
The Uroghi Lifeforms (Third Kingdom)
Wow! That's a big sub!
You have a significant amount of typos and other spelling/grammatical errors, but otherwise, these are amazing beings. I'd also suggest condensing it a little, but that's not a terribly big deal.
The opening narrative
The physical description Go to Comment
The Uroghi Lifeforms (Third Kingdom)
I apologise for the lack of bold headings. It seems that whenever I try to highlight a few words in bold or italics, the entire text turns out that way as well. And as Muro observed, I do not own a reliable spell-checker either, meaning that my editing resources at this point are somewhat limited and rudimentary.
As for the odd name, it was meant to highlight the planet's seeming irrelevance. yes,xx is most commonly employed as a place-holder. This is an entity so unworthy of humanity's attention, that it has not even been given a real name.
I should probably have taken more time over this submission, but my schedule is so tight that I had less than a day to get the whole thing together. Again, my apologies for making this such a trying read. Go to Comment
While the idea of the planet eater isn't new (Unicron, Galactus come to mind) it is the execution and imagry that make this submission shine. Of course it requires the core concept of living planets, and by extension other celestial bodies being alive. Though the bit about waning celestials expending their lives in a blaze of fire and glory before craching into her was a lovely image.
On the other hand there are some really bad typos in this submission and It feels like it was rushed. I would recommend running the spell check and possibly breaking up the text with some bolded headers and turning some of the example dialogs into italic text. Go to Comment
Trying read or not, this was a very nicely done submission. Indeed, planet eaters aren't entirely new, but they're not often done either, so this holds the distinction of being very, very unique. Go to Comment
Also called "pale-yellow witch" by alchemists, this mineral is known to possess a peculiar attribute. When found, a Yupiorite will appear the palest yellow. Rather than crystalline in structure, Yupiorite occurs in weird, smooth, ovaline shapes, as if already carved by skilled hands to serve as ring or necklace ornaments. Yupiorite somehow detects and reacts to mood. When the wearer of the gem is content, calm, and happy, the stone will remain the palest yellow. As the person gets more excited, angry, or otherwise stimulated, the mineral will darken progressively to a dark corn-yellow in color. Why the gem reacts this way to sentient mood swings, is still debated by gemologists and alchemists alike.
It is said that the Elven Halls of Vala-Aluduwy are resplendent with wall-sized mirrors of pure Yupiorite, showing plainly and ironically, the emotions of everyone present, despite the Elven love of restraint and stoicism.
"Cave-grass" or "cave-pine" is a deep forest green in color, rare and often mistaken for other minerals, though otherwise mundane. Crystals form into tiny, ultra-thin, needle-like clusters by the hundreds of thousands, creating vast dark green bursts and structures, resembling evergreen conifers, if viewed by any sort of light. Despite its ephemeral shape, Aragdulose is only second to a diamond in hardness.
Dwarves are said to keep these mineral "trees" in their homes, putting them up during festive family holidays, leaving presents beneath them, for kin to open.