I think the problem is that it takes significant effort to read, and there does not seem to be a big stomach for that.
The combination of oversize sentences, and paragraphs make it a difficult read. Now, my own posts are often not paragons of brevity, and I try to break them up a lot to improve the readability.
That said, the imagery conjured is excellent, and if it were an easier read,I don't doubt the voting would increase greatly! Go to Comment
Wulf, your guess probably strikes closest to the truth. The way I see it, the loa would be so enraged by the devastation that they would send the Ignusho to wreck bloody vengeance on the human inhabitants until the latter finally realised their folly and put an end to all efforts to drain the swamp. The ignusho are much feared, and any mass attacks by them would terrorize most swamp villages into immediate compliance with the will of the loa.
Thanks for the plaudits by the way,guys. They're much appreciated! This creature was actually inspired by the existence of Murometz's Red-Eyed Crow, as well as the other dangerous creatures that were brought to life by the Swamp scroll. Given these numerous menaces, I thought a guardian of the swamps would be appropriate, albeit one that was no less sinister than the other fearsome monsters it is supposed to keep at bay. Go to Comment
A well-done beastie to haunt the mangrove swamps. In some ways, they remind me of the catoblepas or basilisk serpent, massive dwellers in the swamps, but deadly to look at.
I particularly like the legendary background given to these protective spirit creatures and the explanation given for their limited tolerance toward humanity. I'm curious about their reaction toward attempts to change the swamplands: If a group tried to drain the wetlands, not harming their precious mangrove trees, but slowly destroying the swamp itself, how would they respond? I picture them becoming gradually more aggressive as their habitat is diminished, slowly becoming a menace to everyone nearby as their mangrove homes wither and die. Go to Comment
I have to echo Moon. The details really sold this one.
I particularly like the directed, rather than random, agression towards travelers through their territory.
I don't know how much of a rehash it is, but then I know little of the period. But let me put down my thoughts.
I like the upfront attack on freedom by this religion - by stating that all are simply slaves anyway, they can redirect many thoughts of unrest into other modes of thinking, than "becoming free" - which is half the victory already. (Especially if the 'recruits' originate from cultures where slavery is accepted.) All may be slaves, but some make the decisions.
I have quickly failed to believe the text, until I finally realized it was a propaganda piece. :)
Nice work done there.
In some places the author states that the indoctrination is perfect, forgetting that in others, the virtue of punishing those who do not obey is exorted. There must obviously be more places where unrest is displayed... it is just kept secret in this police state/theocracy. It is also hard to believe that those who have a craft and are soldiers at the same time, will be truly proficient in both areas.
An outside account of the culture could be interesting for comparision. I would imagine the country to be susceptible to slave revolts, besides the common infighting. Also, there appears to be a massive number of eunuchs... how does it impact the culture? (May be just my impression that there's much of them.) I am not sure, but I think that very few regular soldiers in history were castrates, so that is also an angle to be explored.
So there are a few questions, but most of my objections are gone on account of this being a propaganda piece. Go to Comment
Normally I love the stuff you produce but this seems lacking. The setting has too much in common with Islam, and the jannisaries. While I cannot decry the use of historical material as a source of inspiration, there doesnt seem to be anything decently original here, more of a rehash of the Caliphate dynasties with all of the proper names removed. Go to Comment
Society/ Organizations (Ethnic/Cultural) (Regional)