That's a great suggestion, Muro, but do you know how exactly I'm supposed to go about doing it? I apologise if I'm asking a rather silly question, but formatting has never been my strong suit. Thanks Go to Comment
Very nice Maggot! You really get a sense of this place, and its safe to say, this aquatic world you created is a dynamic one, with a plethora of detail.
The artefact-ladden crater sounds inviting and rife for PC plunder! :)
You can use links throughout the piece would be my only suggestion, so those readers that may not have a "feel" for the world, can follow up. Links to Cauda, Larfu, etc... Go to Comment
Do you have any suggestions as to how I could smooth it? I've resolved the spelling errors but I take it that are other mistakes that I've overlooked? Are there any punctuation or grammatical errors that currently mar the sub? Sorry if I'm asking a stupid question here, but I'd just like to know the type of problems that need to be resolved. Thanks for commenting by the way. Go to Comment
Point noted, AG. You're right, this sub was a bit lacking when it comes to suitably dramatic elements. I'll have to rectify that for my future subs. I'm afraid that it might have something to do with the fact that it's been barely a month since I stopped churning out academic essays. :) Go to Comment
I see you hammered this into the keyboard in one breath - I am wont to do so at times myself.
Needs some editing, clearing up, smoothening. Go to Comment
The Organi seems like a good race to have in your setting, dangerous opponents that pose a great threat individually. Especially the juvenile Organi seem like a great thing to send against your PCs in their inland villages.
For me this was a hard read however. The text, while grammatically great, is often dry and scholarly in the manner of university texts and professors' documents. I actually thought "Maggot is David Attenborough for sure", at a moment there. ;) http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/David_Attenborough
I do believe that some physiology is important, but I think this text delves too much into the biological minutae.
There is a glimmer of light: The fifth paragraph details juvenile Organis' inland incursions at night. That instantly triggered my imagination and I began envisioning plots and side-quests in which Juvenile Organi slaughter entire households of remote farms and villages. Thumbs up for that, and the reason for +0.5.
Base score: 3.5
Juvenile Organi bonus: +0.5
Total score: 4.0
The citadel is the place for your most vivid, enthralling fantastic creations.
I bet your professors would be outraged to find vulgar pulp fiction a la Strolen's in your academic texts though, so keep the genres separated. ;) Go to Comment
Well, one way to change it about is to switch the point of view to that of someone or something describing it - perhaps one of the Brave People to some juniors.
All and all, a neat creature that is suitably bloody and has a plup feel that AG has pointed out. Go to Comment
It's rare to see semelparity (dying after spawning) in an apex predator. Usually, it's the prey species that do it.
I do like the two-phase life cycle, though. Some organization or plot hooks would be good. Culture is always good (like the Brave People collecting teeth). Go to Comment
The Brave People Society/ Organizations (Ethnic/Cultural)
(Regional)
("smaller chunks" with lots and lots of Maggotesque details in each!)
Interesting aside: I initially wanted to loathe the name "The Brave People", but it grew on me as I read the piece and I now find it perfect! Go to Comment
The Brave People Society/ Organizations (Ethnic/Cultural)
(Regional)
Locations (City) (Water)