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The Forgochi
Items  (Armor)   (Sentient)
Barbarian Horde's comment on 2007-08-17 02:11 PM
spellcheck, Mag, spellcheck. Go to Comment
The Forgochi
Items  (Armor)   (Sentient)
Ria Hawk's comment on 2007-08-28 03:18 AM
Darn it, now I have the urge to do something with this bugger and my character, Jaith. I don't need more plotbunnies attacking me, I have enough things to do... Go to Comment
The Forgochi
Items  (Armor)   (Sentient)
Maggot's comment on 2007-08-25 02:15 AM
Ok guys, it's been finished. Go to Comment
The Forgochi
Items  (Armor)   (Sentient)
Cheka Man's comment on 2007-08-17 04:47 PM
It needs to be spellchecked and finished. Go to Comment
The Forgochi
Items  (Armor)   (Sentient)
Cheka Man's comment on 2007-08-25 03:50 PM
A threat to the elete. Go to Comment
The Forgochi
Items  (Armor)   (Sentient)
Chaosmark's comment on 2007-08-25 07:23 PM
Iiiiinteresting. Go to Comment
The Forgochi
Items  (Armor)   (Sentient)
valadaar's comment on 2007-08-25 06:12 AM
I like it - Quite good, and well written. It does require a very specific world view in that the actions and behaviour of the gods are defined very specifically, and has a feel of a fantasy Bolshevik revolution. Go to Comment
The Forgochi
Items  (Armor)   (Sentient)
valadaar's comment on 2007-08-17 03:41 PM
Agree with the horde. I'd put this back in work until you clean it up.

I hope this was submitted in this state by accident, and based on your earler work, thats my guess. Go to Comment
The Uroghi
Lifeforms  (Third Kingdom)   (Underground)
manfred's comment on 2007-08-05 04:24 AM
Roack voiced my thoughts pretty well already.

An interesting world secret, and a solid alien presence from an unexpected place. Good writing as always. Go to Comment
The Uroghi
Lifeforms  (Third Kingdom)   (Underground)
CaptainPenguin's comment on 2007-08-05 01:50 PM
I LOVE it. Rather Lovecraftian, really Go to Comment
The Uroghi
Lifeforms  (Third Kingdom)   (Underground)
Scrasamax's comment on 2007-08-05 10:47 PM
I would clean up all the bolding at the end and save it just for the paragraph headers, otherwise this is a delight to read, sometihng that would have come slunking up from the depths of Lovecraftian mythos. Good work. Go to Comment
The Uroghi
Lifeforms  (Third Kingdom)   (Underground)
Cheka Man's comment on 2007-08-05 09:03 AM
Only voted Go to Comment
The Uroghi
Lifeforms  (Third Kingdom)   (Underground)
Roack's comment on 2007-08-05 12:15 AM
Wow! That's a big sub!
You have a significant amount of typos and other spelling/grammatical errors, but otherwise, these are amazing beings. I'd also suggest condensing it a little, but that's not a terribly big deal.
Highlights:
The opening narrative
The physical description Go to Comment
The Uroghi
Lifeforms  (Third Kingdom)   (Underground)
Murometz's comment on 2007-08-07 01:09 PM
Edit ~Bolded the headers, got rid of bolding on text~

As to the sub, great work Maggot!! wow, quite a tale. Go to Comment
The Uroghi
Lifeforms  (Third Kingdom)   (Underground)
valadaar's comment on 2007-08-06 05:27 PM
I like this best of all your subs Maggot! Well done! Go to Comment
Unknown XX
Locations  (World)   (Space)
MoonHunter's comment on 2007-06-18 04:22 PM
There are some interesting applications and imagry here. There is a lot to be said for this post.

It does need a bit more editing. The story needs more context, as to whom is saying it to whom. Our narrator is? And why?

I found the name offputting and disjointed with the rest of the post. XX sits as a place sitter, rather than a designation. Go to Comment
Unknown XX
Locations  (World)   (Space)
Iain's comment on 2007-06-18 04:52 PM
Really outstanding! Go to Comment
Unknown XX
Locations  (World)   (Space)
Maggot's comment on 2007-06-19 08:13 AM
I apologise for the lack of bold headings. It seems that whenever I try to highlight a few words in bold or italics, the entire text turns out that way as well. And as Muro observed, I do not own a reliable spell-checker either, meaning that my editing resources at this point are somewhat limited and rudimentary.

As for the odd name, it was meant to highlight the planet's seeming irrelevance. yes,xx is most commonly employed as a place-holder. This is an entity so unworthy of humanity's attention, that it has not even been given a real name.

I should probably have taken more time over this submission, but my schedule is so tight that I had less than a day to get the whole thing together. Again, my apologies for making this such a trying read. Go to Comment
Unknown XX
Locations  (World)   (Space)
Scrasamax's comment on 2007-06-18 11:59 AM
While the idea of the planet eater isn't new (Unicron, Galactus come to mind) it is the execution and imagry that make this submission shine. Of course it requires the core concept of living planets, and by extension other celestial bodies being alive. Though the bit about waning celestials expending their lives in a blaze of fire and glory before craching into her was a lovely image.

On the other hand there are some really bad typos in this submission and It feels like it was rushed. I would recommend running the spell check and possibly breaking up the text with some bolded headers and turning some of the example dialogs into italic text. Go to Comment
Unknown XX
Locations  (World)   (Space)
Cheka Man's comment on 2007-06-18 11:13 AM
Poor thing, a vampire planet. Go to Comment
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